Your heart aches when she has a simple cold.
Dude. Are you shittin' me? Please tell me you're shittin' me. You aren't, are you? Gawd.
Look, Vagina McManpants, empathy is great and all, and you're clearly a tender-souled Care Bear of a guy, but there comes a time in every man's life when his balls drop and he moves from the kiddie table to the big-people table. For you, that time is now. Congratulations.
This is your child, brother. You'll want to be there when s/he enters the world, trust me. Watching your wife squeeze a watermelon from her cooch isn't fun for any of us, but it's one of those things you just do because it's the right thing to do. This isn't 1954--you're not allowed to hang out in the waiting room handing out cigars while your poor wife turns herself inside out delivering your child. She needs you there.
Yeah, she'll be in pain. Deal with it. If you think seeing your wife in pain is hard, just wait. Wait until you're driving your three-year-old to the E.R. at midnight because she fell and cut a 2" gash in her head and now she's screaming so loudly and savagely in the back seat that you're afraid you might wreck the car. Wait until it takes a doctor and two nurses to hold her down while they clean out the wound and she kicks and flails and wails like they're killing her, and all you want to do is pull them all off her and get her the hell out of there but you know you can't. Wait until she comes home from school crying because her three best friends decided she was no longer part of their clique. Wait until the boy she likes calls her ugly.
My point? Life is full of painful moments and you can't always run away. It only gets worse when you have kids, and you'll have one soon. I know it hurts to see people you love in pain, but it helps them to have you there, so don't make their pain about you. It's not about you; it's about them. Frankly, in those moments, your feelings are irrelevant. You're there for them. You can break down and sob later if you must, but right now they need to lean on you.
So change your tampon, grow a pair, and get in the game, Alice. Your wife needs you by her side when she's giving birth, no matter how much it hurts you. Your children will need you there when life roughs them up, too. It won't always be easy, but who ever said being a husband and a father was easy?
Two words: AWESOME ANSWER
I adore you Cary.
That is all.
so true.
your wife will be all the more thankful for a man who has feelings, but knows the important moments to put his uncomfortableness aside.
what a pussy. how'd he knock someone up in the first place?
Vagina McManpants...sheer genious.
As a L&D nurse I have one thing to add...SUCK IT UP. All the epidural and pain meds in the world isn't going to take away her pain and she really doesn't need you to be a pain in her ass. She doesn't need to worry "will he pass out? is he okay?". Also, don't say annoying things like "honey it'll be okay" or "it's almost over" mainly because she may kill you. Best of luck with your bundle of joy.
You are 100% right! haha My daughters father had a panic attack while I was having the baby, but he still sucked it up and was there for me. I would have had a HUGE issue with him if he wasnt there and acted like the OP here. Plus I agree, saying things that sound like you're trying to minimize the pain and take her mind off it a) dont work and b) make you sound like an annoying ass. Its good to say "you're doing great baby" and stuff, but try to be extra careful because this is a moment you should focus on HER and what she wants to hear. Yes she is going to be in pain, but when you took your vows you said "for better or worse" plus its the right thing to do!
Best
Answer
Ever.
And the people said, "Amen." =)
I bet he didn't mind being there when he got her pregnant.
She's the one giving birth, you fool! Think of what SHE'S going through, not you! It might cause you emotional pain to watch her, but she'll be in real intense physical pain, and you mooning about getting all precious over your feelings is both selfish and ridiculous in comparison.
Another example among many that women are stronger than men. Just saying.
A friend of mine who's an EMT said that delivering a child in his ambulence almost undid him. He said that he's seen heads cut off, bloody mess of car accidents, people shot (I live in a huge city, everything happens here), suicides, all that and more. But delivering a child is what undid him. He said it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen.
He also said that he now has the absolute upmost respect for women. He knows that as a man he could never, ever handle that.
So sir, buck it up and try not too look.
And by the way....once you witness the birth of a child, you will wonder how you ever considered NOT being there. It's the coolest thing you'll ever experience. Once in a lifetime moment.
Love the answer. Not being there because SHE is in pain is very selfish - she is doing all the hardwork and the guy is thinking of himself.
Oh sweet jeebus! Does he cry when she gets a hang nail too? FFS!
Grow a pair, hold your shit together and be there for your wife.
Splendid answer Cary--as always. :)
The irony is that Cary is calling him a PUSSY when I think it's evident from the rest of the answer that women are the stronger sex :) We should start calling people who can't tough it up "penises".
Did not. I called him Vagina McManpants.
I don't think you can make the gross generalization that one sex is stronger than the other. I agree that women handle certain things better than men, but the opposite is also true. Some people are stronger than others, regardless of gender.
That said, I have no problem with using the word penis in the way you suggest, except that we already use dick for guys who are assholes. Won't that be a conflict of usage?
But Cary, the tampon comment? Really? So...Mr. Vagina McManpants is also harboring a tampon? I think that's a stupid gross generalization in of itself. And i'm surprised more people haven't gotten up in your grill about it. I don't think he's acting like a female...which you ARE implying...I think he's acting selfishly. Tell him to grow a pair, for sure, but please refrain from comparing him to a female. Females push watermelon-sized people out of their vaginas...and some do it without drugs...and some do it without doctors...and some also do quite amazing things like get covered in bloody placenta while delivering the watermelon-sized people. Being adverse pain isn't necessarily a female trait...
It's called hyperbole. Most readers realize that, which is why more of them aren't "up in my grill." I also compare him to a man with no balls, a guy whose balls haven't dropped, someone from the 50s, a child and a Care Bear--all figures of speech, like the tampon and vagina comparisons. I have a healthy respect for women, as this and my other answers show. So why don't you come on down off that high horse--he looks tired.
Uh oh, did I just impugn horses? My bad.
It's bad hyperbole. Get original.
Oh, so now your beef isn't about disparaging women but about originality? I dunno, I kinda liked the high horse thing. But okay, I'll try to use more original lines like "get up in your grill."
I love this answer!! How wise of you, Cary.
Thank you all.
Cary rocks.
Always has.
Always will.
The end.
Wise-Ass, Voice of Reason. Great answer.
This should be in every manual for expectant Dads. Just sayin'. ;)
Your answer, Cary, is absolutely FANTASTIC! My favorite part? "My point? Life is full of painful moments and you can't always run away." ~ perfection! Could not have said it better myself.
You tell him, Cary.
Boo hoo, Mister, it's so hard for YOU that your wife is going to be in the worst agony imaginable. So how d'you think it's gonna be for HER? She has to deal with nine months of pregnancy and a person tearing its way out from her insides. She's taking all the brunt and making all the sacrifices right now. The LEAST you can do friggin show up.
Hire a professional birth doula! They are awesome and will show you how to be involved and not grossed out or an idiot! worth every cent!!!
Have you done that stupid Lamaze stuff yet? At least you're not like my "wonderful" ex, who wanted to leave me at the hospital (alone!!!) until the baby was born. The whole time I was giving birth, I was worried he would pass out. Now I wish he had passed out, and bonked his head good on the hard tile floor on the way down, but that's a story for another day...
The point is, she didn't make this baby by herself. Be there for her, and try not to look! :)
I literally cracked up for 5 solid minutes. Are you shitting me? haha The Common cold? wow.
Loved not just the answer, but how the answer was written, too. You rock, Wise Ass :)