There are several possibilities here.
Maybe he doesn't want to see you. There's a difference between missing someone and wanting to see her. Maybe he knows it wouldn't work out (again), but he was reminiscing about your past relationship and wanted to thank you for your kindness. After you break up with someone and time passes, your view of things becomes more objective. He might have realized how good you were to him and felt the need to tell you. That still doesn't mean he wants to try a relationship again.
On the other hand, maybe he does want to try dating again. Maybe his e-mail was testing the waters. He's thinking about trying to get back together, but he doesn't know how you will respond, so he's being slow and cautious. He might even be waiting for you to make the next move.
Maybe he wants to be friends. After being apart and gaining some objectivity, he realizes that dating again wouldn't work, but that you are special to him and he wants you in his life.
I suggest you think very carefully before dating him again or even being friends. You broke up for a reason. You still haven't gotten over him, clearly. I wouldn't attempt another relationship without being sure. It could work out, but I would hate to see you get hurt if it doesn't.
Thanks for the question.
this was my question--thanks for the insight. his email really confused me, bc i'd never say those things to someone unless i wanted to be with them. it's helpful to understand that he may have had different intentions in telling me (painful but helpful). so thank you for answering, i really appreciate the help and needed to hear a guy's perspective.
Question: What if he did say he wants to see you?
I'd ask what his intentions are. If it's not going to go anywhere, I have to move on--I wouldn't see him unless he wants to talk about being serious.
There is someone from my past that I would like to tell him how much I really appreciated him when we dated. I would like to apologize and let him know I am sorry for not appreciating him as much as I should have. I was young and immature when I broke up with him. I treated him poorly thinking I could do better. Which I did not and have not since. He was the best I ever had. I can't get back together with him because he is married and has a family. But I believe he should know that he truly was a great guy and that I am sorry for having been such a lousy girlfriend.
I think the first step you should do is actually forgiving yourself.
The man has moved on and has another life now with his wife and family. Even if you contact him to say how great he is and how sorry you were, you wouldn't find peace if you haven't forgiven yourself fully and are able to move on on your own.
What Faye said.
You've learned your lesson, Catherine, and your guy has moved on. You need to move on, too. We can't always find absolution for our mistakes. You just forgive yourself and move on. Reaching out to him could cause more problems than it solves.
People. Please don't bother getting back in touch like this - you can see how much it has stirred emotion up for the OP. Ok, so YOU feel bad about how YOU behaved..how about thinking how your actions will be greated. I have once again been contacted by a douchebag who keeps on with these games.
Catherine. Leave the man alone.You're being selfish.
That's your opinion not mine.
I agree your being selfish. Everyone makes mistakes but they are ours to live with since we made them. He has a family and clearly doesn't need your apology. Im guessing your desire to apologize comes from the fact that your still single and your mind goes to what you have passed on. Move forward. People don't usually look back if they are looking and moving forward.
Catherine, yes it is our opinion - why do you think it's appropriate to contact a married man with kids? Yes it is selfish, you think you're doing him any favours? What if his wife sees your email or however you try to contact him?
Go easy on the judgments. Who's to say that he wouldn't appreciate putting that chapter in his life to rest? Just because he's married with kids doesn't mean that this relationship didn't have an impact on him. Perhaps he would appreciate the closure. I'm not recommending she contact him, but if that's how she feels, that's how she feels. Having been on the flip side of this scenario, I was contacted by an ex who apologized for his lousy behaviour and i was also in a relationship at the time. I appreciated the apology and it didn't effect the relationship.
What a great blog, thank you for letting me comment on it.
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