Grow a pair. Right now. Well, metaphorically speaking at least.
Which is more important to you - him or your self respect. I know, I know, it is him - you have no self respect. At all, full stop. Not any more. It packed its bags and headed for Alaska about the third time you took him back, listened to his lies, and convinced yourself that this time will be different.
Sure, you love him. A lot of women wind up loving and depending on brutal, taking jerks. Putting up with their crap. Defending them, for God's sake. There have been entire libraries of books written about that. Well, get this into your head, right now, using a hammer if necessary.
He don't love you! He uses you.
Walk. Now. And don't look back. Or continue to play his games, be his handy, reliable little slave, until he inevitably dumps you for good. It's your call - you are an adult, at least legally, if not emotionally.
It sounds like you are his fallback girl. The one he goes back to when he needs an ego stroke. Not to sound harsh, but its like you are convenient for him.
Boost your own ego by dumping him for Good. For the Good of your self worth. You are worth more than the way that tramp is treating you. Snacking on you when he is hungry. Love yourself sister. Don't allow anyone to take up useful time that you could be putting into yourself. The more you rebuke his behavior the more he will want you. But stay strong and say NO MORE!!! And you will soon be open to meet people who will treat you like you treat yourself. Keep your power. And now that you know what a douchbag is, by first hand experience, Avoid them at all cost. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Find outside interest, take up dance or anything that will keep you moving forward. Good Luck....
Run. Fast. Far, far, away.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I played this little game of his for about two years, all the while knowing that he was just using me for his fun. It didn't matter to me at the time, because I thought the same way you did. He literally was my kryptonite.
Now, this ended about a year ago. Flash forward to now and I'm in a healthy relationship with a guy who actually GIVES A CRAP about me. Was it hard to stop talking to the asshole? Of course. I don't think either I, nor Mystery Man, nor anyone else here is denying that. But it's also the key to your future happiness- and, quite frankly, your self esteem. This guy is a jerk douche-mover who takes it whenever he needs it without stopping for one moment and thinking about you as a person. Your needs. Your emotions. Your existence, really. Don't give this selfish prick any more of a reason to stroke his ego. Go cold turkey. Block his number, Facebook, email, whatever it takes. It will suck and take a lot of determination, but it's worth it in the end.
Don't waste any more time with this guy! Even if you know that you may love him, it's the only way you'll be able to truly move on for good. And lastly: know you're not alone, and there is a way out!
Run. Fast. Far, far, away.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I played this little game of his for about two years, all the while knowing that he was just using me for his fun. It didn't matter to me at the time, because I thought the same way you did. He literally was my kryptonite.
Now, this ended about a year ago. Flash forward to now and I'm in a healthy relationship with a guy who actually GIVES A CRAP about me. Was it hard to stop talking to the asshole? Of course. I don't think either I, nor Mystery Man, nor anyone else here is denying that. But it's also the key to your future happiness- and, quite frankly, your self esteem. This guy is a jerk douche-mover who takes it whenever he needs it without stopping for one moment and thinking about you as a person. Your needs. Your emotions. Your existence, really. Don't give this selfish prick any more of a reason to stroke his ego. Go cold turkey. Block his number, Facebook, email, whatever it takes. It will suck and take a lot of determination, but it's worth it in the end.
Don't waste any more time with this guy! Even if you know that you may love him, it's the only way you'll be able to truly move on for good. And lastly: know you're not alone, and there is a way out!
Just found this sight. Here I sit (stupidly) on Christmas Eve alone! Why? I was with the love of my life for 9 years and 2 years ago he decided around Christmas that he loved me but was no longer in love? This just crushed me and for the past two years I've been a mess!
We are both in mid-life, so it's not as easy to start over. He obviously had met someone, married her, it lasted 3 months and then he called me. He said he had missed me and he loved me but he was not "in love" with me again yet? What??? This is so immature to me.
I should not be surprised. He is somewhat of a player, I just kind of ignored it! He emails some, calls now and then, comes close then pulls away.
The thing that I am most disgusted with is myself! Why on God's green earth do I continue to let him play me? He ask a month or so ago if marriage would be important to me? I said yep! Did I mention this last one was his 3rd and he is 58?
I loved him, I adored him, I loved his teenagers like my own and they loved me. Then he just threw it all away as though it was trash! I hate him for that. However, like I said, I am more disgusted with myself for even giving him the time of day!
So, do we all agree here that I am incredibly stupid?
Bella
PS,,,I have no idea why, but I would really like for you Mystery Man to give me a great one liner to say to my ex, not a hurtful one, but one that would sting and yet make him know that he needs to grow up?
Also, I know it is tempting and I am sure I deserve it, but I don't really think I can handle any mean comments, I'm hurting enough right now, and I already know that I am a mess.
Chill, lass. Am only mean to people if it is needed to cut the fog in someone's brain. So, surprisingly often then. Your brain is pretty much fog free.
You are not a mess. In a mess, yes - but that is a totally different kettle of fish. I do wish there was an easy way for you to get over it, but there isn't really. You can mask it and hide it, sure, but actually recovering takes time and lack of contact.
Change your phone number at least. Set your email to filter his messages out - preferably to delete them unread. Get the idiot out of your life for long enough for you to get your life back.
Midlife isn't so bad. There is a strong dating scene as people try to recover from the same situation you are in. You will be checking out a fair amount of damaged goods, but it is worth it. Most of the guys you meet will be fixable, given patience.
One liners aren't my strongpoint, sadly, they are more Wise Ass territory (hint - he is really, really good at them). Personally, I'd ask him why his eldest kid has his best friend's eyes. But I am a nasty person.
Dear Bella, Chris Rock made a phone call to an ex for the highest bidder on a John Stewart telethon 2010. It was classic. Maybe youtube it and laugh your ass off.
Dear Bella, here is the youtube sentence to type in when wanting to laugh when it hurts so bad. (night of too many stars chris rock). It's the Jon Stewart telethon. I just watched it again and am LMAO. I hope it helps.
Mystery Man and Been There,,,, thank you, you are so right that is really really good at one liners! He likes to put his profile online and because I have checked out those dating scenes for myself, lol. I always find it funny that his profile is not the person I know at all? You would think by reading his profiles that he is not only "the best of the best" but that your search ends with him! LOL None, of the things he says are what I know to be true? One site says he loves legs, the next another body part if you know what I mean and he talks as though he is and always has been a one woman man looking for a one woman man??? NO, this is another lie. His four sisters (he is the baby) tell me that women should not give him the time of day, but they do, then they are blindsided.
I have to hand it to this last one. The last one walked out and took everything with her when he was on his business trip! She took it all, and then went to a lawyer and demanded that he give her all the money she brought into the marriage that he had been blowing secretly on himself (lots of $$$$) for things that make HIM happy!
He now sits alone in a huge house alone. Oh yes, he ask me to come there and live with him forever. The only problem was he said he would just hate to tell me to leave if he wasn't feeling it anymore? lol
I laugh, but I also hurt, deeply. Somewhere in my heart, I know he loves me, but I also know that he will never stay in love with anyone for long, because he likes the chase. He ends his profiles with "the chase is on", and so it continues.
I have to admit the dating sites helped cheer me up. I did get many responses from some really nice men, I guess my heart is not as trusting and it will take time.
Thanks for not making me cry Mystery Man, and Been There, your Chris Rock suggestion made me laugh out loud!
I appreciate the replies, and I'm sorry, but I cannot promise I will not be back for more, especially if the panic sweeps over me unexpectedly.
So, just ignore me, I'm not where I need to be yet, but I'm hoping to get there eventually.
Bella :o)
PS, I tried to join as a member, but it kept rejecting it saying a member already had my username? I'll try again eventually even if I have to change my name. Hey, I'd love to change my name and get a brand new life, lol.
Beenthere, I found Chris Rock (night of too many stars) and unfortunately I'm having trouble with my speakers so cannot hear it! However, even though I cannot hear it, I did laugh out loud!
Thanks I love laughter, laughter is so good for the soul, especially when we have so much pain inside. Maybe I'll just send my ex the link :o)
Nah, I'll just save all the laughter for myself!