Dawg. She's with you because, right now, she loves you.
Okay, so, I think there are two things happening here.
One, she's trying to employ reverse psycology. Most women assume men are utterly terrified of marriage. And we are! Mostly. Not always. I think many women are in love with weddings more than marriages. Social pressures and a personal lust to be princess for a day force men into their own kinds of extreme behaviors and reactions regarding weddings. I actually break out in hives whenever I watch any of the excellent wedding-themed programming on WEtv. I can't help it. BUT I WATCH.
But let me be clear: two freakouts don't make a calm, mature and measured reaction. Your girlfriend could be guessing that you are, potentially, like many dudes out there. And is letting you off the hook, removing any and all pressure she might think you might think she might put on you. Is any of this making ANY sense at all?
The other option is simpler. She could just be telling you the truth now. Many couples get stuck rehashing a past that isn't or fretting over a future that hasn't happened. Solving a hypothetical problem is easier than solving a real one. Right now is so much more important. Now is the point where the past and future meet. It's where everything is happening. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Yesterday can't be undone. Now, now, now.
Just because she doesn't want to marry you now, doesn't mean she might not in the future.
Do you want to get married? Do you want to marry her? Answer those questions. If you want to just marry her, I say wait a little. Nothing ever ends, things just change. If you want to marry, then put up with her as long as you can stand it. You'll know when to cry "Uncle." And then you can go out and find someone who shares your priorities. Dawg. She's with you because, right now, she loves you.
Okay, so, I think there are two things happening here.
One, she's trying to employ reverse psychology. Most women assume men are utterly terrified of marriage. And we are! Mostly. Not always. I think many women are in love with weddings more than marriages. Social pressures and a personal lust to be princess for a day force men into their own kinds of extreme behaviors and reactions regarding weddings. I actually break out in hives whenever I watch any of the excellent wedding-themed programming on WEtv. I can't help it. BUT I WATCH.
But let me be clear: two freakouts don't make a calm, mature and measured reaction. Your girlfriend could be guessing that you are, potentially, like many dudes out there. And is letting you off the hook, removing any and all pressure she might think you might think she might put on you. Is any of this making ANY sense at all?
The other option is simpler. She could just be telling you the truth now. Many couples get stuck rehashing a past that isn't or fretting over a future that hasn't happened. Solving a hypothetical problem is easier than solving a real one. Right now is so much more important. Now is the point where the past and future meet. It's where everything is happening. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Yesterday can't be undone. Now, now, now.
Just because she doesn't want to marry you now, doesn't mean she might not in the future.
Do you want to get married? Do you want to marry her? Answer those questions. If you want to just marry her, I say wait a little. Nothing ever ends, things just change. If you want to marry, then put up with her as long as you can stand it. You'll know when to cry "Uncle." And then you can go out and find someone who shares your priorities.
I can't think of a single time I've disagreed with what John has said.
It's possible she's trying to take the pressure off, although it's also entirely possible that she doesn't believe in marriage. There's plenty of us out there who don't want to get married in general, but we're with the people we love anyway because we love them. Not everybody dates with the ultimate goal of marriage in mind. Some of us, we just want experience love, life, good times, bad times, with somebody we cherish.
To echo what John said before.. she's with you because she loves you. I can't think of a single better reason to be with anybody than that.
Usually people just come out and say "I don't beleive in marriage" or some variation of that if they actually felt that way. When she says "I don't want to marry you" its about him.
I usually 99% of the time agree with John's advice, but i think that the guy shouldn't wait around for a person that says they dont want to marry them specifially. That's like even worse chances than hanging for someone who doesn't beleive in marraige.
In my opnion, he needs to speak to the lady to get to the bottom of how permanent that statement was. If marriage is something he wants, and she for sure doesn't want to marry him, then he should go. Too many people waste thier time hoping for other people to "come around" to what they want. Its pretty counterproductive in my opinion. They love each other- they can have that "where do we stand" marriage chat.
You make a pretty good point, actually. You'd hope that after two years together, a couple would have been able to discuss where they stand on stuff like this. The more I think about it, yeah, the more I think he does need to talk it out with her. If their goals in life don't head in the same direction, it could be time to leave.
Um, is it me or is this printed twice?
I think it is possible that she loves him but has found a serious flaw in the relationship. It is something that she can overlook now while they are just dating, but that is not acceptable to her in the guy she intends to spend the rest of her life with. It may be like bad breath or body odor. A mint or deodorant can cover the smell for now, but not forever. Does she love him?Yes. Does she care about him? Yes? Can she stand the thought of spending the rest of her life with him and his particular flaw, as trivial as it is? Hell no.
Hey. I'm the guy who asked the question.
I've talked it out with her, and it's what you've said. She doesn't want to marry me because I'm "not what she needs, but what she wants."
Hey, I'm the guy who posted the question.
I've talked it out with her and she says she doesn't want to marry me because I'm "not what she needs, but not what she wants in a future spouse." Something about character flaws.
Wow. That had to have hurt your feelings. I'm sorry.
We all have flaws, every single one of us on this planet. Granted, I don't know what yours happen to be. Maybe you like to drink and party on the weekends and she doesn't do that anymore, or maybe you turn every discussion into a political debate or something else equally horrendous. Or maybe it's just irritating, like leaving toenail clippings all over the place. I don't know. What I do know is that you're at a crossroads now.
Either you:
1) Stay with her anyway and enjoy the relationship while it lasts, even if that means no marriage;
2) Tell her that you would like to marry her someday, and if she balks, then end the relationship.
Its always possible that digging deeper into your so-called "character flaws" with her might make her realize her mistake and not judge you so harshly. Or you might realize that she has a point and maybe start working on it.
Or maybe she's a perfectionist beyotch. (j/k!) Some girls have this roses and violins vision of love, like it's always going to be perfect. Nope. Not even close. Not all of us girls want everything perfect, but some do, and they pounce on flaws as if they were defects. My mother does this.
Anyway, I hope this helps, Lex. Good luck, and let us know how things work out!
Hello Jude, thanks alot for replying.
She's my first love and they're always so hard to get over. I want to continue being with her. Maybe eventually one day she can overlook my flaws.
Yeah, I'll be sure to keep you guys posted. Thanks alot.
Hey Lex, sorry to about your situation. At least you can move on and find someone who sees you as a future spouse. Also don't try and change for her, you're a great person and will find someone who will see that in you. Good Luck in love!
Very encouraging. :) Thank you.
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