She needs time - you give her time. You in a rush or something?
And yes, her kids have priority. That is both right and normal. Between the kids and work, she probably has little to no time to herself to unwind from the stresses of the day. You can help with that.
Let her relax. Something as simple as cooking her dinner works well as an unwinder. A cuddle on the couch with a favorite film. Go out occasionally, sure, it is important to get her out of the house, but not too often at first.
Put her first. Not for any secret plan, but because she needs and deserves it.
I'm a single mother of three, working on a PhD, and you got this one SOOOO right. There is very little time for myself, let alone for dating...but that DOESN'T mean I don't want to, just that I need to be creative in how I do it. I wish more guys would understand this, and understand that just because I can't go out every Friday night doesn't mean I'm not relationship material.
Unfortunately in this day and age, I think most people DO think that if you can't go out a lot on dates, you're not dating material. Sad stuff really, considering that probably means everyone's losing their creativeness with stuff like that.
Well, can you blame a guy for saying "nah, I'd rather have someone that is available?" You've got your priorities (education & kids) and guys have theirs - which may include finding a woman they can spend as much time as possible with.
That being said, a lot of guys are OK with taking things slowly due to circumstances. In my current relationship I only get to have intimate one on one time with my girl every other weekend due to a divorce decree that demands that she not have overnight visitors while she has her child and a custody arrangement that in which the father only has the child every other weekend.
I have the opposite situation. I met a man I like who likes me too. He has his own business, is finalizing a divorce, moving and getting his life together. He told me he would like to get to know me. I send him a text from time to time but maybe I should just tell him I am coming over to make dinner???
All those dating rules have me confused. The guy is the pursuer... What do I do when I would like to get to know a man who is really busy?
The rules have everybody confused. Easiest way is to follow YOUR rules.
Thank you.
Words to live by.
Thank you, MM!! I'm confused by and HATE "the rules," they seem so manipulative to me.
Yikes, That guy needs time. If you push him he'll probably have a relationship w/ you. You will be short term rebound gal even if he means it when he says he likes/loves you. Divorcing men w/ lots on their plate have a smaller girlfriend requirement. I'd look elsewhere for romance. If you think he's the one, be his friend and if you're both free and interested in a year or so, give it a shot.
I have seen this situation many times and have been in it. That man has a lot on his plate, his girlfriend requirement is probably minimal. If you push, he may have a relationship w/ you and really like you. It will probably be a short term rebound thing because he needs to be on his own for a bit, especially if he was screwed over. I'd distract myself w/ other opportunities, and keep in touch w/ him. Make your interest clear but acknowledge that he needs to clean house before moving on. It could take a while.
I totally understand her having little time and kids and everything. Im not in any rush at all..She does go out on the weekends with her girlfriends though and I would think she would want to spend time with me if possible is all..
I've had the theme song to "The Prince of Bel AIr" in my head since I started reading this post.
MM is right about it being "your rules". If you like each other enough, you'll find time for each other. And if he likes you enough, he'll understand that.
oh i thought i had posted to this last night, oi. when i first read the question i almost wondered if it was the guy i'm seeing posting this thats how close it hit to home lol this actually is a very common theme in a generation that is composed of 50% post divorce singles. the guy i've been seeing for about 4 mos now has the same problem, as a single mom, business owner, pres of the pta, the list DOES go on, he has used the word frustrated more than once. as have I whenever he does one of his 3 countries in 10 days stints for business JUST when we've made a date. what is working for us is communication, in between dates is most important, and if you can throw in some romance (texts, ecards, etc) with that, it will keep the fires burning for when you DO see her. whenever he gets frustrated, I don't respond with frustration, because I can't ever help the fact that my son comes first and always will, no matter how much I like him. but I always respond with something like "well, i can't help but be flattered that your biggest complaint is you want more time with me, so let's ink something in and we'll both feel better." my guess is that if she is saying and doing all of the right things, she likes you and wants this to continue, because busy women like that just don't have the time to make nice with men they don't care for. So yeah, stick it out if you like her because patient men are a HUGE turn on for busy women. and make her dinner and like MM said, put her first, cuz my bet is there are few if any other people in her life that do that for her. I always said one of the most romantic things a guy can do for me is empty the dishwasher, just an example obviously, but those are the kinds of things she needs that will endear you to her even more. and to be quite frank, hoping she will turn away a night with the girls for you is a bit much to ask from someone you aren't married to, in my opinion. if that ever came up with me my back would go up right away. she needs that time as much as she needs romance time with you, that is her support system. you want her to have that time so that she can be her complete self when it comes time to you. that being said, see the challenges in your relationship as advantages, a little pent up energy in between dates is not a bad thing. ;-) remember you get what you give, putting her first will pay off in spades for you in the long haul if the long haul was meant to be.
This made me cry. Good tears. ;)
Thanks everyone...I am just going to be patient and be there for her any way that I can...In the meantime she has invited me on a family camping trip this weekend where I will meet her kids for the first time...I'm thinking that is a good sign...she says its judgement day for me lmao...Thanks again everyone..