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Hey JD..would you consider it stalkerish if I sent her a message? I met a guy online and been dating/sleeping with him 4 a few weeks who has recently friended this hot looking girl on facebook. Can I ask her if she is w/him 2?

I wouldn't consider it "stalkerish." I'd consider it full-on stalkerama. Are the two of you dating? Have you both sat down like mature humanioids and discussed whether or not the two of you are a couple? If this conversation hasn't occurred, then this dude is a free agent. Sleeping with a guy just doesn't mean the two of you are exclusive. That requires grown-up communication.

I know there are women who take sex seriously. One great gender misconception is that all men can rail and bounce. That there aren't men out there who can have sex, and not end up wrapping their hearts around a tree. Sex can be intense, for sure. I have known plenty of women who don't give their body lightly. But unless there has been some kind of discussion about whether the two of you are dating, then contacting this woman is out of bounds. It's an invasion of his privacy, and it makes you look like you're not in control of your emotions.

I'd ask him if he's seeing anyone else. If he says he is, then tell him you're not cool with that. If he's not cool with your not being cool, then stop seeing him. Do yourself a favor. Don't confuse your heart with your ego. One pumps blood and the other pumps hot air.

But don't contact her. He's not cheating on you. You're not dating each other.

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3 Comments

goodkarmagirl

Thanks for the honest response...You're right, as always. I need to chill...or in the sentiments of Monica on Friends (the ultimate relationship therapist, other than you) I need to be "breezy".
BTW this is my new fave quote "Don't confuse your heart with your ego. One pumps blood and the other pumps hot air."
Think I'll post that on his Facebook page.
haha! j/k.
;)

Sophie Jean

What the hell?! Why would you post that on his facebook? I'm sure any right-minded person would be a little confused as to what you mean.

LoveFromOhio

Wow, talk about being a little psycho :/ Do not waste any of your time thinking about what he is doing with whomever. It'll drive you crazy! Plus, maybe he doesn't even know her. Half of my FB friends accept everyone's request whether they know them or not, so I wouldn't worry about it. But if you want any sleep at night, drop a hint or something that you are curious.

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