Uh, I don't want to play the easy "he's probably gay" card here, but, uh, you might have a new gay bestie. Six weeks and nothing? And he reacted to touching your boob like you had just insulted his grandmother? Something is definitely up here.
Outside of him playing for the other team, it could be one of a few things:
1. He recently got out of a relationship and is wary of jumping into a sexual relationship. Maybe he's still getting over his ex, or maybe she cheated on him and he needs time to trust someone again.
2. He has major hang-ups in the bedroom (self-confidence issues, past abuse, lack of experience, etc.) and he needs time to get comfortable with you. If so, now would be the time to start discussing these issues.
3. He enjoys your company, but isn't feeling it sexually and doesn't know how to tell you.
4. He's saving himself for marriage. If so, this is something he should have told you during all the cuddling.
5. He's the real-life inspiration for the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Did he use Steve Carell's line after feeling you up? ("You know how when you grab a woman's breast, it feels like a bag of sand?") That would be a red flag right there.
You need to ask him what's up. If he doesn't want to rush into sex (though six weeks isn't exactly rushing), it's completely reasonable for you to ask him if anything is wrong. All of the above scenarios should be open to conversation at this point.
Get your cheerleader on and be aggressive, be-be aggressive. Because clearly he's not going to make the first move. Tell him that you have feelings for him and you want to take things to the next level. If he makes the awkward face again, you might want to consider looking for someone who is a little more your speed.
Outside of him playing for the other team, it could be one of a few things:
1. He recently got out of a relationship and is wary of jumping into a sexual relationship. Maybe he's still getting over his ex, or maybe she cheated on him and he needs time to trust someone again.
2. He has major hang-ups in the bedroom (self-confidence issues, past abuse, lack of experience, etc.) and he needs time to get comfortable with you. If so, now would be the time to start discussing these issues.
3. He enjoys your company, but isn't feeling it sexually and doesn't know how to tell you.
4. He's saving himself for marriage. If so, this is something he should have told you during all the cuddling.
5. He's the real-life inspiration for the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Did he use Steve Carell's line after feeling you up? ("You know how when you grab a woman's breast, it feels like a bag of sand?") That would be a red flag right there.
You need to ask him what's up. If he doesn't want to rush into sex (though six weeks isn't exactly rushing), it's completely reasonable for you to ask him if anything is wrong. All of the above scenarios should be open to conversation at this point.
Get your cheerleader on and be aggressive, be-be aggressive. Because clearly he's not going to make the first move. Tell him that you have feelings for him and you want to take things to the next level. If he makes the awkward face again, you might want to consider looking for someone who is a little more your speed.
gay!! or wait, here is a better one...didn't know, men pass out naked chicks standing in front of them? hm am i right? physical attraction or not. they will get laid no matter what.
ha ha, i meant pass up.
I have a couple of gay friends... they have no problem with touching their girlfriend's boobs... so I don't think he is gay, but I think he has some emotional issues that need to be worked out.
ya commitment phobes
Steve Carell really IS THE MAN! - - LOVE the tag!
Maybe he's really insecure. You should ask what he's holding out for. Maybe he doesn't have a lot of experience, or was raised in a really religious home (which can be a real boner-killer in itself!) or he could just be incredibly shy. Whatever it is, if things aren't plowing along like they should, you should cowgirl up and tell him what you want. If he still isn't too enthused about being intimate, then he probably isn't the guy for you.
One thing about geeky boys (LOVE YA, NICK!!!) is that they can be overly cautious sometimes and it can take effort to draw them out. It doesn't help that they probably got tortured in school by the arrogant jocks. You'd be amazed how that kills self-esteem, even years after the fact.
Geeks can be work, but well worth it! :)
A girl friend of mine has had problems entering a relationship for YEARS because of this problem (she is over forty, as well). She doesn't want to sleep with them after the first few dates, and the guys always disappear when she makes this clear... part of me thinks she is being silly for not just having a good time.
But, then I look at my uncle, who boffs every online chickiepoo he meets the first night (and there are A LOT), and I think maybe there is a reason to be cautious with all the sh** out there that's catching.
Bottom line, I wouldn't assume he's gay (although, that may very well be the case). You may not know where his history lies... but, if never having sex again is a deal-breaker for you, then you need to clear things up. Now. I would advise that you enter the conversation gently and with a lot of patience and respect, but I have a feeling you don't need to be reminded of that.
Good luck. :)
THANKS NICK for the list of "Top 5 Reasons he doesn't wanna F**k You"...haha
and thanks LADIES for your anecdotes and suggestions.
I think it's actually Nick's #1 and #2, along with Britt's "BJ" warning (yah, he wanted THAT) and Jude's geek-sensitive eval.
This guy, had a live in GF (or so he says) 2 years ago, and is Catholic. [Insert guilt, shame and insecurity here].
He loves to kiss, cuddle, and spoon me (yes, I sleep over but no pokey), and he compliments me, calls me every day, strokes my hair, takes me out, makes plans in advance...I think he's skerrrred of something. Like failing in the thrust department. He seems a bit insecure with his body (got a little love handles, but hey, he likes all of my extra stuff and I'd make a thighmaster salivate, so I know THAT'S not the issue.
He kids around about sex, and uses innuendo, and I threaten to jump him one of these days and he says "well, you always talk about it and dont do it", but when I do try to get it going, he is sweet, but it leads to a BJ but nothing to me.
I've got ALOT of gay male friends (I'm in a creative industry, and am with gay men alot) so my Gadar is pretty well calibrated. He ISNT gay...for sure. Maybe it would be easier if he was...we could at least go shopping together, and have a big "O" over a pair of Jimmy Choo's on sale.
:)
Sounds like he needs to be taught that it's gotta be a two way street or the relationship ain't gonna last.
Another thought -- my sister's ex was addicted to porn (in secret) and never could make the transition to human flesh. It happens.
You need to directly ask him what's going on. Even if he's saving himself for marriage, he shouldn't be making awkward faces when he touches you...he should be dying for more. Now if he's saving himself for men, that's anohter story...
More than likely, he is a virgin that was locked in a closet for most of his life, and your boobs are the first set he has ever seen! Give him some time, be gentle, and show him how you can give him great pleasure. During that time, guide him and let him know what gives you great pleasure. Eventually, he will warm up to you, or you'll figure out that he is gay.
I don't know...seems a bit too easy to play the gay card on this one. Not to sound offensive, but nerdy guys who are shy tend to be very quiet about what they're thinking and VERY polite. Six weeks isn't an INCREDIBLY long time and, hey, touching body parts if you're shy is just awkward. Simple as that. My boyfriend is the same way and it took some nudging and telling him how okay I was with being intimate for him to do it. He's definitely not gay, and it only took some discussing.
Yeah...talking and stuff. Your best friend here in this situation.
Thanks All...and thanks Carrie and LifeAint for your support on my "non-gay but shy and inexperienced wanna-be boyfriend".
I know Nick was being funny but kinda serious about playing the gay card...because I HAVE dated a guy about 15 years ago that was a fantastic partner at all the going out, social fun stuff, but was awkward intimately and didn't wanna...ya know, touch my girl parts. About 10 years later I ran into him and his BOYFRIEND...yup, he was gay. And that was an awkward convo. I decided to focus the brief chat on the fabulous furniture in the store we were both in. Ah, and I must admit, it was my best homo-segue ever.
This guy, let's call him Chris...not like he's gonna read this or anything...haha...is definitely into women. I have caught him glancing at hot chicks (not staring, but just typical man interest) and he is all over me with hugs cuddles, spooning...all that.
I often catch him staring at my boobs like a starving man looks at a pot roast. He is just hesitant to get into too much touchy feely.
Oh, but when we're kissing and hugging, "Lil Chris" is definitely in full salute, and I wind up "taking care of him"...(please tell me y'all don't need more detail) which he is more than willing to accept, and in exchange, I get praise for a...ahem...job well done.
He just doesn't visit my downtown during this playtime....but compliments my booty and cute panties...and things... UGH.
He lived with a girl a few years ago, so maybe he's gun shy of starting something that may get him too involved...commitment or break up phobic?. Who the hell knows. I've never had a guy want to wait this long for sex before.
I am giving it 3 months total...which is very generous. If he is still hesitant, I need to move on, hire him a shrink or both.
All further suggestions are welcome. THANKS!!!!
Wait...how do you "make" a guy touch your boob? The visual is hilarious here. Grab his tense hand, pry open his white knuckled grip, and arm wrestle it onto your boob while he watches in horror? or just yell at him until he closes his eyes and sticks out his pointer finger in the direction of your chest? Sounds like you have needs he is not meeting and might want to consider finding someone who is on the same page as you are.
Maybe you just have to take matters into your own hands. Take his hand and guide it down your shirt (or panties if you're feeling bold) and have him stroke your ladybits the way you like to be touched. Turn it into a game: you dress like the sexy teacher, and he can be the student (or even vice versa) and school him on how YOU like it.
Never met a guy once who objected to this kind of chemistry class.
WE BROKE UP. :(
Just in case people read these old questions and follow up...I thought to provide the final note.
Last night he and I broke up, after a "heart to heart" discussion about where we are as a relationship at our 3 month mark.
He isnt a jerk...he's a nice guy who just is commitment phobic and in a midlife crisis. He said he never has a relationship that lasts over 2 years because he's lazy and doesnt put the work in to maintain it.
He was avoiding sex to keep from emotional attachment for both of us. I think he has some serious issues that are just under the surface that I can't help to fix.
He would rather buy large things (a $20K motorcycle, 2 iPads, 2 LCD big screens, ANOTHER bike, surfboard...etc) than let himself "feel" something.
I'm not mad at the guy...I'm sad and disappointed. Just so ya know people, really...he's not gay, he's a typical guy in a mid life crisis.
Sharin' the knoledge. Good luck to all of you who are dealing with the same thing.
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