I would wait a few more dates. Swapping scar stories is more of a fourth or fifth date thing. Freaking him out really isn't the issue-- a nice guy isn't going to get freaked out. Plus, real men aren't afraid of scars. I'm more concerned with you. Clearly, this was a major incident in your life. Why not wait until you're sure about your feelings for him before rehashing the painful story?
If you plan on letting him get to second base on the second date, maybe give him a heads up. Otherwise, wait until you feel comfortable with him. Only a douche would freak out, so don't worry about that. When you feel ready, share the incident as you would any crucial part of your life. But mostly, don't worry. For one thing, it's probably not as noticeable as you think. You live with it every day, while he is just discovering you and your body for the first time. If he's into you, he's not going to make this one thing a dealbreaker. And if he does, he's not worth your time.
When you feel comfortable with him, share your story. If he's the kind of guy who would run away because of a scar, it doesn't really matter if you tell him on the second date or on the eleventh. Anyone with a heart is going to be sympathetic. Ultimately, the scar won't be an issue-- he'll just be glad that you're alive and well and in his arms.
If you plan on letting him get to second base on the second date, maybe give him a heads up. Otherwise, wait until you feel comfortable with him. Only a douche would freak out, so don't worry about that. When you feel ready, share the incident as you would any crucial part of your life. But mostly, don't worry. For one thing, it's probably not as noticeable as you think. You live with it every day, while he is just discovering you and your body for the first time. If he's into you, he's not going to make this one thing a dealbreaker. And if he does, he's not worth your time.
When you feel comfortable with him, share your story. If he's the kind of guy who would run away because of a scar, it doesn't really matter if you tell him on the second date or on the eleventh. Anyone with a heart is going to be sympathetic. Ultimately, the scar won't be an issue-- he'll just be glad that you're alive and well and in his arms.
Love this answer. I have a very large scar on my stomach that I've been incredibly self-conscious of for years due to complications when I was born. I was always worried how guys I dated would react to it... but honestly, thus far they've been nothing but nice and polite about it. It doesn't gross them out or make them see me differently- and that was more than I could've asked for.
what about self inflicted scars? i have a lot of scars because i used to be a cutter, but thats not who i am anymore. would a guy freak out if he could see my struggle with anxiety and depression right on my skin?
If he does, fuck him right in the eye. Nobody in their right mind should EVER condemn someone for a mental health issue in their past. If he does ask about it, and I would say something like, "I had some problems in my past. They're done with now, I'm better and I'm not going to focus on that part of my life." If you guys get steadier, you might want to explain more about yourself, but unless he specifically asks about what happened to you, I wouldn't even mention the scars. Like you said, that's not who you are anymore.
And back to the original topic, I had open heart surgery when I was very young. I've had a scar that goes from my collar bone to about right under my breasts. Since I've grown up with it, it really never occurred to me that anyone would even notice it. The guys I've dated are curious in the beginning, but they've never really cared about it at all.
Hey Nick, I'm the question asker. Thanks a lot for your answer. But, by the time you answered this, I've had that second date (went nicely), and he's asked for a third date this week. I haven't told him about the scar, but he knows a bit about the accident. That's sort of how we met, he noticed I passed his office building several times when I was on my way to my hospital, to have check ups and whatnot.
Don't get me wrong, I love my scar. I love my body the way it is. And I have no issues in sharing about the scar to people. I just want to be honest, you know. And you are right: if he freaks out, well, then he's not that sweet, is he?
Thanks again, Nick. Great answer :)
I think it's so cool that you embrace your scar and said you love it. My scar wasn't caused by anything nearly as traumatic as your accident and it isn't as big, but I love mine too. It's my souvenir from a fun night, many years ago. I almost wish it was more noticable because I'd like to think of that night every time I look in the mirror. (It's over my left eye.) Most days, I don't even notice it though.
All these scar stories remind me of the show Scarred on MTV. Man oh man soe of those accidents make me crings so bad. As creepy as the show is there are some funny aspects, quite a few of the guys who get hurt ask for their mommy XD
But for me I have a 3 inch scar on my right arm from breaking a bone. It was new years day 07 that it happened. Me and the guy I was datin at the time went to the ski lodge to go do some snowtubing. Well we get the tickets and head out of the lodge. He gets ahead of me and won't slow up so I try to pick up my pace and 3 steps later I'm on the ground! Well when I fell it was either fall and break my arm or bash my head open because the ground was thick with ice. And I broke my arm SO good that they had to put in a metal plate to keep my bone in place to heal. So now I have a 3 inch scar from the surgery and a metal plate. The scar freaks people out at first because they think I tried to commit suicide, but after hearing what happened the only thing that bothers them is feeling a metal plate under my skin.
But hey at least I broke into the new year XD
I also broke my arm so good I had to have surgery... twice! One to put all the metal in and another to take it all out again.
I love my scar though. I'm always showing it off to people. lol It makes me feel like a badass.
I have had two knee surgeries (scars on both knees), bladder surgery (when I was three from bladde cancer), and a scar on my upper thigh from where I cut myself on a fall off a horse...and frankly I love my scars. They are a road map of my life. I put a tat over my cancer scar, to remind me that not even cancer can take me down--so no one and nothing else can. When people ask me about the tat I always tell them it reminds me everyday how strong I am :)
definitely tell him before you take your shirt off for him though. My fiancee has a giant thing on his arm from kidney dialysis. I'm used to it now, but I saw that before he told me about the kidney failure. . . It was the most awkward moment ever trying to figure out what was on his arm while he was trying to get sex for the first time.