Hey, let's not pick on infantilists now. Your ex is just the way God made him. And God works in mysterious, mysterious ways. Frankly, God's kind of a pervert. I know, because I've been touched by an angel. At least, he said he was an angel, and he was wearing a robe. But let's repress that memory and get back to your question.
No, there's no sure-fire way to get a guy to open up about his fantasies (or about anything, really). Your best bet is probably telling this story to the next guy you date, and hope he gets the message that if he's got any surprises in store, now's the time to come clean.
And don't give up. You can't stop dating just because of one diaper-wearing guy. That's how the terrorists win. Yes, there are wacky fetishes out there, but statistically, those guys are in the extreme minority. If you're into nothing but the regular stuff, you should have no shortage of takers; just make sure to ask them about possible freakiness as soon as you're comfortable doing so.
But honestly, making yourself that kind of vulnerable can be difficult, and you're always going to run into guys too frightened of rejection to let it all out right away. After all, his fear was totally justified, right? Because you dumped him immediately. RIGHT?! Please say you dumped him immediately.
Being a fetishist is tough. You're basically only going to click sexually with someone else who inhabits the realm of your fetish. But that's no excuse to wait more than two years to break the news. This guy sounds deceptive, timid, manipulative, and like he may crap himself on occasion. None of those are good things.
I dumped him about two weeks afterward, because I was hoping he was going to yell JUST KIDDING. He never did. :I
Thanks for the advice, Swaim, but I think I'll skip telling future prospects about it. It seems to lean too much toward bitch territory, you know?
And for those who don't know what infantilism is, please note it is NOT the attraction to infants, which is infantophilia (and I hate that I know this). Infantilism is the desire to be treated like an infant, and has its basis in sub/dom fantasies. Just, you know. Freakier.
You poor, poor woman. -reaches for hugs
I'm not sure about the actual advice (although there really is no "good" answer here), but the opening paragraph is hilarious.
Question (coming from someone who's never had sex before, so take that into account, I guess): does he need to be able to act on this kink with whoever he's with? I mean, don't people have fantasies about, like, fivesomes in hot tubs (or whatever, sexy sex stuff) that they just don't act on? Is he not able to get off on regular sex?
I guess my point is, are sexual fantasies a deal-breaker for most people? (Not judging you, just wondering.) How far do people expect their partners to accommodate them when it comes to fantasies?
SmR there is a big difference between sexual fantasies, and sexual fetishes. Some people dream of having sex with three people at the same time, some people dream of being pissed on...
Instead of asking him to disclose his sexual interests, why don't you disclose yours? Tell him that you're vanilla, or that you're into A,B and C but that you'll never be into X,Y and Z. If he realizes you're not compatible, he can then bow out without having to reveal a potentially embarrassing kink.
Ohh, I like that idea. Thanks. :)
i like this too, just be careful not to do it too quickly in the relationship. i try to do this all the time, but men think it's an open invitation to an orgy instead of me trying to open the lines of communication. every time i start this conversation, i think he thinks, 'so she wants me to put it in her this way RIGHT NOW!' anything i say afterwards (for instance, my dislikes), goes in one ear and out the other. so, be tactful. like odyseuss. maybe start with the dislikes and end with the likes.
Try and find a compromise. Ooops. Too late, you dumped him. So much for compromise.
But seriously, why didn't you sit down with him, and have a frank discussion about this? You might have worked something out. He could have his private "diaper time" once in a while, and you could have whatever private time you would like. Yes, I'm talking about masturbation. Most everyone does it, and it's healthy. And then you could have your "together" time.
This is just a thought. Now if all he wants is diapers, then that is another story.
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