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Hey WA! Love your answers! My sister and I are close except she says I should accept family when they reach out. I am warm toward some, but I stay away (I say hi) from a few. She says they've changed but I'm still not strong enough to deal with "No one will ever love you," etc. Can I fix this or should I walk?

Thank you.

Should you walk from what, your family? Ha. Good luck with that. They're a little hard to shake. It's like that old saying: "We may be done with the past, but the past is not done with us." Substitute family for past. You can write them off, but they will always be your family.

The problem right now is your sister. She wants peace in the family, which is understandable and admirable, but she needs to back off. Our struggles with people always seem so cut and dried to others, but they have no idea how we feel or what we experienced. She's your sister so she thinks she understands what you went through. Maybe she does, to a point, but no two experiences are alike, even in the same family, and no two siblings are alike. We all react to emotional abuse in different ways. She thinks you should get over it because she was able to get over it, but that's not how it works. She is not you.

Look, I'm all about forgiveness, but it takes time to reach that place in your psyche. If you aren't there yet, you aren't there yet. Tell your sister that you appreciate what's she trying to do, but pushing you isn't helping things. You'll be ready when you're ready--until then she needs to back off and let you work out your own issues in your own time.

Thanks for the question.

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5 Comments

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Best answer ever!

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I agree, you need to work things out at your own pace, but life is short and if the people you're talking about were to die tomorrow would you regret not patching things up? Sounds harsh, but I've lost a lot of people in my life and you can't get time back.

Cary McNeal

Very true.

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I say good luck to both siblings! I know some of how you feel, dear. We can't stand them, but we love them anyway, right?

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