Great question, Sophia, but not an easy one to answer.
Your instincts are correct: you do want to be careful when you reveal such intensely personal information as a mental disorder. Do it too soon and you'll have a very awkward T.M.I. moment and no more dates with that person; wait too long and yes, it could feel like an ambush of information you were hiding, which suggests that you are ashamed of your condition and consider it a bad thing when it is not.
Mental disorders are as normal and frequent as any physical ailment, but still have a stigma attached to them. No one would think twice if you told him you were lactose-intolerant, but tell him you're being treated for depression or schizophrenia and you're likely to get a sideways look and a hasty exit. That's why you have to pick the right time to speak up about your condition: not because it's a bad thing, but because uninformed people don't always understand mental issues and tend to view them through a moral lens, which couldn't be more irrelevant.
Also, if you bring it up too soon, you give the issue more weight than it deserves. Your disorder doesn't define you, but if you tell someone about it on the first or second date, it might seem like it does. It's only a small part of who you are, and no more important to reveal early on than why your parents divorced or when you lost your virginity or who broke your heart. All things in due time.
The answer to your question is that I really don't have an answer. There's no set time. It's one of those things you'll just have to feel out as you date someone and become more comfortable with them. Comfort is the key: only do it when you're completely ready to share, not because you're worried about a reaction. It's your business, and your business to share when and where and how you see fit. No guy with a brain and a heart can fault you for taking your time to reveal such personal info.
Bottom line, I think you'll know when it's time, but if you don't, I'd err on the side of later rather than sooner.
Very well said, Cary.
I agree with Cary, it is best to wait a bit and reveal this at a later time. If you feel that this relationship is really going somewhere, then you let him know...I, too, suffer from Bipolar Disorder and it took me quite a while to tell my boyfriend. Sometimes people just don't understand.
That was a great answer, as always, but I have one other thing to add. It also depends on how well controlled your bi-polar is and how drastically you cycle. I have bi-polar too, and for the first 5 years after I was diagnosed I was.. well I was kinda out there at times. I told new people in my life about it because if I was gonna act completely different and do things completely out of character then I wanted them to have an explanation why. Now that my illness is under control most of the time, I only tell the people who I'm extremely close to (and apparently an entire website full of people.. lol). Of course even if you are cycling alot you don't have to tell them, but they're not gonna think too highly of you without some sort of explanation. But I'd say if you're under control, theres no reason to tell them until you're ready and feel its time.
Just make sure you tell him during sex.
Great response
Although that was a difficult question, Cary, you made it look easy, and I think you hit it right on target with your caring and thoughtful answer. It is personal information that should be divulged only when you're comfortable and ready to do so.
"Nunya" as a tag made me chuckle.
I would applaud this magistrate's judgement with a Bravo, good man, Bravo, I fear it has been upstaged by the great and seemingly spontaneous wit of the one who calls herself "Nicky", declaring, if I may quote:
"Just make sure you tell him during sex"
(which is kinda funny)
Thanks, everyone but Frank.
Frank - 40 lashes with a wet noodle.
That wasn't me, that was Nicky! ;-)
Seriously, though, I had a woman I was dating tell me that she was bulimic. As long as she was doing something about it, I was ok with it.
How do u ask questions on this website im new this site I went to ask a question but there was no where to submit the answer
Top right hand corner, blue box. Type in your question and hit ask a question :)
how do u submit a question???Thanks
My bf told me he was a (sober) alcoholic on our third date. I know it's not the exactly the same, but it's definitely something you'd want a potential serious relationship to know about. It freaked me out at the time (mainly because we're only in our late twenties), but I didn't want to write him off solely because of that. After he told me (and I was obviously still hanging around), I noticed a pretty evident change in his demeanor, and he was much more relaxed around me. It's all about the trust, and I think that is what really flattered me--he was sharing this tough part of his past. Anyways, we're still together today.
I was pretty open with my boyfriend regarding my childhood trauma and that resulted in therapy. But I didn't divulge the details until a few months into the relationship when I felt we had a connection, bond and trust. You want to make sure this is a guy that You want to be seriously involved with. No point to give personal details like this to someone you are causually dating. But you will know in your gut how you feel about someone. And it's a scary thing to be vulnerable, but if you want true intimacy then you have to take that risk and be honest. The right man will want to be supportive of you and can even help you out in your journey,. And the guy doesn't react in the way you deserve, he isn't right for you anyway. Trust me, I spent years w an Ex that did not understand mental health issues and that ended up destroying my self esteem and recovery process. Now I have a supportive and more aware and evolved boyfriend and it has meant a world of difference.
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this website. Keep up the wonderful work.
I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this blog. Keep up the wonderful work.