I absolutely think that our ideals of beauty change as we age and want different things. But its not even just our ideals of beauty, its the things we value that change. Now, I can't imagine what is so different about a 20-year-old's perception of you versus a 30-year-old since I know that my own tastes are pretty much still the same, but maybe you have a more refined and "settled" look about you.
What I mean by "settled" is that maybe you look like a wife and not just a chick to date for the moment. I've been noticing more and more the difference between women who look like wives and women who look like girlfriends for a while. I can't quite describe what that look is but it truly does exist. Which would explain the situation. An older guy just maybe looking for a wife and you have those qualities in your appearance that indicate your wifeliness.
A younger chap is looking for somebody to have fun with and likely thats it. When we get into our 30s, we start looking for wives and perhaps thats where you come in. This isn't a bad thing, just so you know. Hell, it could be that NO guys were checking for you, which I imagine would suck way more.
But yeah, I think we just look for different things as we get older and perhaps you have that look that we're looking for.
hmm
I feel the same way. That was deep.
This might explain why older guys ALWAYS hit on me. I'm also 23 and I've honesty thought myself as the wife type rather than a girlfriend and have been biding my time till that's what guys around my own age and what I want merge.
Believe it or not, it does make a difference. Me and my boys have made an experiment out of trying to determine if some women seemed more wifely and just how likely we'd be to want to approach them. Juvenile? Absolutely. But we're doing it for the culture.
I'm 19 and I've always had the same problem. A guy in his 40s hit on me once right in front of my father and guys my age don't look twice at me.
I will say that looking like wife material at 19 might backfire on you something serious. I mean...you kind of need those guys in their 20s to want you for a while since....what 19 year old is really checking for 40 year olds? That just seems....'spicious. And predatory.
Oh, I'm not, you don't need to worry about that. :) I don't really know what I'm doing wrong, though.
OMG this explains SO SO SO MUCH. Thank you so much!!! I'm 18 and have fourty year old men hit on me! Maybe they're just creepy...but still, it does explain a heck of a lot!
Yeah, they're absolutely creepy. LOL.
Guys that old are are attracted to youth, since many see older women as "undesirable". Shallow and superficial for sure. Some of them have probably scouted which women your age aren't getting attention from men your age and then moving in, thinking you'll be grateful for any male attention and you'll be desperate enough to throw yourself at them. That right there says it all about their character and you're right smart to blow them off.
I dunno. I think of it more as a vibe thing. I am also 23, same situation. But I have come to realise that guys probably get a "Don't want to waste my time" vibe from a few chicks, whereas some give out a more "I'm up for anything/take the first thing coming" vibe... which means they attract more guys, because guys don't want anything complicated when their younger... at least that what I'm telling myself!
I'm 26 and older guys have always dug me. I think it's just an age thing. I don't look or act "wife-like". I think it's more nostalgia and our cultures focus on youth.
OP here -- thanks GBFF, I've always been curious about this. I can go into detail here in the comments a bit more than the question box, so I shall! I was sort of thinking maybe it is the fun for now versus wife/time to settle down image thing as well, but (and I guess it's more common than I thought given the ages of others commenting in here!) I get confused for a high school student much more often than I prefer. So I still, considering that confusion, feel like I look like a kid and would not normally be lumped into the wife material category, you know? That and I kind of hint at tomboy with how I dress a bit too. Is it not just a dress/appearance thing but what we give off vibe wise as well?
Problem also with the fun vs. settled image is that I'm with the 20 something guys: I want to have a fun time playing around too so we kind of have the same goals! You're right, not having anyone after me WOULD be much, much worse and I am not necessarily doing that badly or really complaining about my situation, but it's always been strange to see how the attention I get is more heavily weighted to the older men category rather than my age group and I figured a fabulous man like you could explain this phenomena to me! Glad to see I'm not the only one though with this going on.
Also, what's this experiment you and your friends came up with? Details, please! Maybe I do fall into that category despite not realizing it.
When guys get into their 30s they are only then starting to look for a wife? What planet are you living on?
In other news, I do think perception of beauty changes, and also that older men are used to a different standard of beauty. I have never been complimented or called pretty by any guy my age aside from my boyfriend, a very horny friend, and a very gay friend. But at work, I receive loads of compliments from older guys, and I think this is influenced greatly by the fact that when they were growing up, being extremely skinny was not perceived as being the standard of beauty, and they can still appreciate a thicker girl. Just my take on things.
Someone told me once, "You're not the type of girl someone dates. You're the type of girl someone marries." At the time I was hurt by this comment. I took it that he was telling me that no one would want to date me. Looking back on it, however, I appreciate the comment for what it was. An observation. As I hit my third decade I'm finding that more and more men appreciate me and are amazed that I haven't been snapped up already. Sometimes it just takes a bit.
Someone told me once, "You're not the type of girl someone dates. You're the type of girl someone marries." At the time I was hurt by this comment. I took it that he was telling me that no one would want to date me. Looking back on it, however, I appreciate the comment for what it was. An observation. As I hit my third decade I'm finding that more and more men appreciate me and are amazed that I haven't been snapped up already. Sometimes it just takes a bit.
OP, I have the opposite problem. I'm 34, and get hit on by 23 year olds all the time. I wish I had your problem! Many guys my age are just out of a long relationship, that most likely ended badly, and are just looking to play the field. How do I know this? I asked them. About 15 of them. Since you're young, they probably think you're not looking for commitment, and that would explain why they hit on women like you, but not on women like me. Be smart and have fun, OP!