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Hi CG! Hook me up. I have an amazing boyfriend, but he had gastric bypass surgery and burps a lot. He also has a lot of excess skin. I get mad at him because I wished his great personality matched his outsides. I've been having crazy dreams with dating random men in my life too. Is this a sign we should break up?

If you're dream-dating random men and can't look past your boyfriend's short-term physical ailments, then yes, you should break up. Right now he probably needs a supportive girlfriend to help him with the side effects of the surgery. The belching and the excess skin will get better with diet and exercise. There are also surgeries he can have to remove the excess skin. If the belching gets severe, he should see a doctor. It could be a side effect from the surgery. But these are all things that will improve with time. If you aren't willing to wait it out for this "amazing" guy, then you should break-up.

Having gastric bypass surgery is a major decision that has physical as well as mental effects. He is dealing with his new body, both physically and emotionally, and needs people in his life who truly care for him. If you can't get past the physical side, that's probably a sign that you aren't in love with him. And certainly you're subconscious is telling you that you want to date other people.

The best thing you can do is be honest and say that you can't do this. Tell him he's amazing, but he needs someone who can really care for him. The longer you stay in this relationship, the more you will grow to resent him. You want something he can't give you right now. And the fact is that his outward appearance may never match up to his personality for you. If that is more important to you, then it's time to move on. He's doing everything he can to be healthy and happy with himself. If you aren't happy with the way he is, let him be with someone else who will be.
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17 Comments

Tariana

Obviously thinking about breaking up with the guy, so it's best to do so; "hook me up" was the first clue. No need to make the tale long if the heart is no longer involved. (Damn. I should stop watching all this anime! I talk like the characters in 'em already!)

Nick Nadel

What anime are you watching? What's good now? I haven't watched a series since Samurai Champloo. Though I keep up with anime movies. What anime shows should I be watching?

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Naruto, Ao no Exorcist and u can go for Bleach as well .. enjoy

Tariana

Just finished Season 1 and waiting for Hulu to bring in 12th episode of Season 2 of "Nura: Rise of the Yokai Clan" (new episodes from Japan every Monday - subtitled).

Doing a complete review of "Samurai 7" since I missed a lot of episodes before; but the version on Hulu for "Samurai 7" is dubbed in English so much of the original dialogues were, uhmmm, distractingly changed.

Big fan of samurai stories... Kenshin Himura is and always will be a favorite of mine. Though I watched other anime and have so many other favorites. "Saiyuki" and "Saiyuki Reload", "YuYu Hakusho" are good. "Ranma 1/2" and "Detective Conan" is good for light anime. I went for those girly anime too like "Fushigi Yuugi" and "Sailormoon" and "Fruits Basket". :)

Also watched Season 1 censored "Demon King Daimao" - crappy storyline towards the end since it's a bit confusing. Not sure if there'll be a next season to this but don't really care that much for it.

For movies, aside from "Samurai X/Rurouni Kenshin", "Escaflowne" and "Evangelion" were faves.

Nick Nadel

Ooh, thanks for the recommendations! I like samurai stuff. Did you ever watch Samurai Champloo? Really good. By the Cowboy Bebop creators. Bebop is easily my favorite anime series.

Tariana

I'll put that one down on my list (thanks!); I'm on to "The Legend of the Legendary Heroes" now. Bebop was more of my older brother's favorite. HeHe!

If you like samurai stories, you'll love "Samurai X" (by far the most beautifully illustrated anime ever with a very awesome storyline!) and "Samurai 7" (the characters will grow on you!).

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And remember, it's okay to be "shallow." You can't force yourself to want something just because your brain knows it's "right." You can't help what you are attracted to; we all have our shallow preferences, and that's what makes the world go round.

Good luck with the break-up. It will be best for both of you.

Dansukker

I really love your advise CG, however, dreaming about dating other people, or having sex with other people, are NOT necesarilly (nor usually) a sign that you don't love who you are in a relationship with. Ofcourse it's different from person to person, but mostly it means you want to help others (give of yourself for their benefit).
So to me it sounds much more like the dream scared her, making her think she maybe didn't love him anymore or that she's bad person or something.
Considering the rest of her post though, you might be right, but I really REALLY think she should give the decision all it's due consideration, and not just jump at the feeling of absolved responsibility your advice will probably give her.

Love

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Uh, if someone is constantly doing it, yeah, its a sign they need to leave the relationship. Sure, we all think about being with other people occasionally, but to do it constantly indicates an underlying, serious, dissatisfaction with the relationship. A good relationship compels you to think on the relationship, not what it would be like to be in another relationship, simple as that.

If you're always thinking about being with another person than your SO, then it is time to figure out what is wrong and address it, or end the relationship so that at the very least the other person can find someone who will think about them, rather than be with someone who's always thinking about being with anyone besides them.

Dansukker

Sure, if you THINK about it ALL the time. My post was more centered around the issue of dreaming (you know, the thing some people do when they sleep) than any waking desires. Maybe if you read it again you'll understand it better.

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To the OP:

The solution is simple. Break up with your boyfriend. Get a boyfriend who looks amazing on the outside. Problem solved.

Cutesy_Buttons

I'm sorry...you "get mad at him" because his outsides don't match his personality? The fact that he has excess skin from a major surgery is not something he has control over.
Were you dating him before the surgery when he was very overweight? It doesn't make sense in my head that you would be ok with his looks then, but not NOW. Definitely seems shallow to me.

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iv never had a boyfrind thats cause im 11 but i dont care about anything but the part where i can have sex with person , if you can get me to have sex with someone and not tell anyone then im in

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I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this website. Keep up the good work.

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I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the wonderful work.

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Good Stuff Thank you for the information

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Hey 11 year old get off the net you shouldn't be having sex!

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