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hi, i think my husband is gay. i caught him watching gay porn on the laptop! he says he is noy gay and he doesnt know why he watchs it. what should i do?

This may not be an open/closed closet case, although I imagine some could easily argue that it is. Take for a moment this argument: If we accept that our sexuality lives within a spectrum and not two hermetically sealed boxes of straight and gay, then the idea that your man watches gay porn isn't an instant deal breaker.

Porn watching is an outlet for desire and fantasy but doesn't necessarily extend beyond that. After all, men who watch hours of "barely 18 porn" aren't going to automatically leave you for a college girl or Big Dallas MILF's or Puerto Rico's hottest BBWs. Is porn an escape? Sure. But is it an irrefutable map of our next steps? Not really.

The answer to "what should I do?" is simple. Talk it out. Leave no pubic hair unturned. Maybe this will be a watershed moment for your husband and he'll reveal a deep unwavering homosexual side to him. Maybe he'll say things need to be reevaluted. Or maybe he'll say, yes, here and there I watch gay porn, but I watch tons of other types of porn too; I'm grounded and satisfied in our marriage. Listen to him within the context of your lives - your history, experiences etc.

See where this leads... You can tell him that the idea of gay porn seems vastly different to you than him soaking in huge boob porn or Indian porn. While you may never be Hindi or have Triple F cups, the fact that you don't have a wang makes things very challenging for you. Where this will all lead is unknown, but next steps are clear. Open dialogue will help you both see things straight.

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18 Comments

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My ex used to watch gay porn. I took it as a sign of exploration, curiosity, etc. etc. Then, I found him on a gay hookup site (adam4adam.com). I was on there editing my very gay friend's profile content (I'm an editor for a living) and there was my boyfriend, in the nude. Don't set yourself for ridicule. Take this very seriously. Behavior like that in males is not normal for satisfied married men. If you don't address this, it could welcome unwanted drama --think infidelity, which could open you up to a whole new realm of STD possibilities. Protect yourself is all I'm saying. Things could have escalated in my situation but I ended them upon finding the website profile. Good luck!

Shnon

I think you might just be a bit bitter from what happened with your ex, so I'll give you a chance... but how is it not normal? I watch girl on girl, guy on girl and guy on guy porn, I don't plan to cheat. My bf watches stuff with shemales in it, he doesn't plan to go romping off with a transgender woman any time soon. Take a step back and re-evaluate, you are coming off as quite bigotted.
Also, STDs? Not just for 'the gays'. Anyone can have them nowadays, crazy, I know, right? Step outta your hate, as well as that 80's mindset.

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Yo, u need to check some statistics, homosexual people have a higher chance of contracting an STD due to the less needed use of rubbers ie. A dude cant get prego

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They arnt like "omg, I forgot to take my birth control". That happened to me once and I was like, yo that kids white..... Ain't mine

Erin Marie

That's a stereotype. Gays use condoms just as much as you. You know who is really at the most risk of getting an STD? Anyone who is sexually active. You know who is really really at risk? Extremely sexually active people. The more partners you have, the more likely you are to get an STD. http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20188465,00.html

Don't spread gay hate.

Erin Marie

I know straight men who love pegging and anal sex and they are definitely not gay. Porn is not reflective of how a man views the world or himself.

Go with the advice to talk to him about it.

Quiz

Building on that, I know a lot of straight women who watch lesbian porn…though somehow, men aren't threatened by that…

I second the communication idea! Plus, if you're into the same stuff that he is, maybe you two can enjoy watching it as a couples' activity. :)

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No, a normal couple shouldn't sit down and have a nice gay "movie" night..........

Shnon

Why not? I watch porn with my bf sometimes, it really is not that weird... people have the oddest hang ups when it comes to porn...

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Maybe the thought turns him on, but that doesn't mean you don't. Some people are bi (or just don't perfectly fit the straight paradigm -- you've heard of the Kinsey scale?)

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I watch lots of different types of porn. I have admitted to having an East Asian fetish. Does that mean I'm going to leave my (white) boyfriend for the next Japanese exchange student I see? Nope. :D

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Yo, dats sexy gurl

Shnon

So can we get the comment troll banned guys?

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Well I know GS tracks IP addresses, so there's no reason they can't block em.

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*I wouldn't worry about it.* I'm a straight girl that very much enjoys amateur lesbian porn, primarily because there's so much focus on female pleasure, whereas in straight porn it's generally all about the guy. Conversely, your husband might enjoy gay porn because as a man he relates to the often more animalistic (male) nature of gay sex. Shrug.

The type of porn you watch can be thought of as analogous to the dreams you have; we rarely interpret the dreams we have as literal. I have dreams about cheating on my boyfriend when I'm feeling particularly insecure about our relationship, even though I have no desire to cheat on him. The dreams help me acknowledge what I'm feeling, but they are in no way an indication that I want that reality (to cheat on him). Women who are into rape- and coercion-porn don't want to be raped, but they often want powerful partners. Don't take porn literally.

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As a female, don't you enjoy watching other females in porn movies? Getting enjoyment from watching sex, whatever the combo doesn't necessarily mean that's what you want for yourself.

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i got married @ 18 i am now 35. live in the uk when i got married i knew i was gay , i was young and silly, i loved my wife very much i could not take it any more we fight a lot i was very un happy in the marriage so last yr my wife said she could not take the fighting any more and wanted a split , if i did not go she would of , i went life is easy now much better ,, there is a lot of mem married and gay i can tell u ... i think mot men are gay apoll in the irish times says up to 62p/cof men are gay ,, half married

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What people dont understand is men are raise all the same. To get matried have kids it is hammered in young people brains. The worlds has become obessessed that gay is wrong. Most gay men will never come out and are willing to do anythjng to not be gay. Its has become so bad in the town I grew up in that the kijiji personal ads was taken down.... what people dont understand is being gay isnt a choice these men think the "attraction" to the same sex will go away once they get married and have kids... then rhey realize it doesnt. These men are convinced they are in love but are tottaly dishinest to everykne arojnd them except the random Hookups they have on the side. MOST closeted men do not consider this cheating. After the age of 18 you know wether you are interested in men or not... Even if you confront these men they will deny it to the extreem or claim to be bisexual.... If he was bisexual 1 gender would he enough... I grew up in a small very backwards town and live in large cities its all the same just smaller towns religion culture breed ignorance and have created a sick circle... pof.com squirt.org manjam.com adam4adam.com many more there are phine aos grindr. Scruff. Guysoy. Many more. Public washroom parks walking trails.... Its not the out gay people that you need to worry about. And most gay act like regular men TV has hyperfemininized what being a gay men is... It is your choice to accpet these facts or remain ignorant...

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