I think this all depends on the guy you're dealing with. And age is a large part of it. Younger guys would probably be less inclined to want to date a woman with a more independent 5-year old, much less a 3-month old.
When I was 22, there's no way in hell I'd want to date or even be around a woman with a baby. Now, in my much older and wiser stage of life, it's easier to deal with. Except, you have a 3-month old.
Where's his father? Is the father involved at all? Because it seems like you wouldn't have much time for dating. I have a baby myself and at month 3, I couldn't even fathom being outside, and dating...forget about it. And me and my girlfriend are together.
Oh yes, back to the father. The father being involved would definitely be a deterrent. Three-month old babies are definitely totally needy so I can imagine the father being around a lot. It's hard to date when you have a constantly on-call chaperone in the baby daddy.
Thing is, different things are dealbreakers for different guys. For some, it's smoking. For others, it's kids. Some guys dont want to date women with kids because its hard for a woman to give her undivided attention to him. See, men are selfish like that. We like women to cater to us at times and babies get all up IN THE WAY when it comes to catering.
So, I think if you're looking to date, you need to deal with men who are (probably) older and more stable.
It was written.
Like you Panama, I'm curious as to where the father is. The baby is only 3 months old so I'm having a lot of issues with her even being curious to dating. First of all, she's a new mommy. My daughter is 3 and I still feel overwhelmed at times. But at 3 months, there's no way I could even think about anything other than the baby and trying to get some sleep here and there. Secondly, if she's not with the father, this had to be a recent break up. She may want to take some time to heal. Hell, she needs to heal from the breakup, childbirth, and all the changes that have/are occurring in her life right now. I could be wrong, but I doubt that this is a particularly good time for her to contemplate dating. And hell, the fact that she's worried about whether dudes will like her because she's a new mommy tells me she may be lacking some confidence. In that case, I'd advise her to chillax and be with herself. I know entry into motherhood is one of the most shell shocking events of a woman's life. It's overwhelming because you're battling within yourself trying to remember who you once were while recognizing that you will never be the same again. So it's best that she transitions through this time before she sets her sights on dating again.
This is great advice Mr. Jackson. I appreciate it greatly.
Actually, the father and I broke up right before I found out I was 3 weeks pregnant, and no he is not in the picture at all which is his choice. His is young and irresponsible.
I can understand the issues with me even thinking of dating. Mainly my question was referencing my future with men and dating.
I also think I've been deeply blessed with a wonderful baby who sleeps through the night and fantastic parents who help me so much.
My question was "would" guys be put off by this. Meaning would they if I considered dating in the near future.
I guess I'm a natural mother because I've never felt "shell-shocked" by it, I remember exactly who I was before and I love who I am now. I love being a mother and I have a lot of love to give. I think I realize that when the right guy comes along, he'll just fit into my life and I'll fit into his.
Thanks again : )
Natures child, here's some advice from another single mom. You will have infinatly more luck with men who have a kid themselves. There is zero judgement and they are that much better with a kid around being in the same predicment themselves. Or you just might snag a guy who's really cool and mature and would love you for you and a little guy to play with is an added bonus.
Don't shop around for a dad. I've been there done that. Just be open to meeting someone who will love both of you.
Great advice Megan, thanks! I would love to meet a single father, and you are right about being open to meeting someone. That is where I am and I think it's a good place.
I think it all depends on the midset of the guy. For instance, some guys would feel odd playing "stand-in dad" to the child. Other guys would have no problems dating women with a child or children. I don't think it depends so much on age as maturity.
I live in NYC, so finding a woman over 25 with no children is like finding a $100 bill on the street -- it ain't gonna happen! So in that sense, most men expect single women to have at least one child, unless you're talking about a woman who is studying for her PhD.
Another factor is the emotional makeup of the child. Some children need constant attention and entertainment, while others can play all by themselves for an hour or two.
So like most things, dating women with children depends on the man, child and woman involved. My advice to women with kids is to try to date a guy who works a lot and doesn't have quite so much time to expect pampering.
Panameño, you did it again. Very good point! At 3-months old, I'm a bit concerned where the father is my damn self...
Oh, that "shellshocked" "natural mother" shtick? You see how much of a natural mother you'd be if your super supportive parents weren't around!
If you have time for dating, then the little thing can't exactly be taking up much of your time, and at three months normally oh yes they do.
Focus on your kid, and not about getting back into a relationship, or before you know it, your parents are going to feel like Mom and Dad to the tyke, not you.
All you'll get out of single, smart and successful guys is a shag. I'm sorry lady, but not many of the aforementioned type of guys want to be taking care of another man's child. It makes us feel old and used.
But any good mother would be more concerned about her child than about getting guys. So your question tells me that you are quite a tart and just want to get around the block. That is, more than likely, the reason you ended up in this predicament in the first place. Sorry, but the limited information I received led me to this conclusion.
Good luck and try to keep your head straight and heart where it belongs - with your child. At least until the kid is old enough to not need your mammaries.
wow, what a lot of rude, judgmental people there are.....every mother should have some alone time, for despite the 24/7 care infants need, parenting can be an extremely isolating endeavor, especially as a single parent. She needs to go out once in awhile, with friends, solo, whatever, and if she meets someone, it's a perfectly relevant question.