All guys complain about their mothers. It is as instinctive as giving the boys a good old scratch on getting out of bed.
You, on the other hand, had better not. Even professionals tiptoe around the parent/child relationship like it is a p*ssed off landmine sitting in a pool of nitro.
If his behaviour bugs you, tell him. Use similar words and phrases that he uses when griping about his Mom. He'll get the idea.
Eventually
He's allowed to complain about her. You're not! It may not seem fair, but one sure way to make sure she's never your mother-in-law is to join in with him when he starts complaining.
Don't correlate your criticism of his bad habits to his mothers' -- treat them like you don't know where he learned them. This is the safest way to work things out.
Not fair? It's perfectly fair. :) My mother is MY mother, and I can complain and seethe with anger till the cows come home, because she's mine. I know she's a bitch, and i can shout that ftom the roof tops to my friends/boyfriend ( I'd never say it to her though ) but I can say that because I love her with all my heart, no one else has that right. If anyone else said that they'd find out just how like my mother I can be. This isn't even a gender thing, it's just a parent/child thing. And you're right, complaining about her is one of the fastest ways to ensure you never have the pleasure of dealing with her as your mother in law.
Some of us wish our moms were around to complain about.
"p*ssed off landmine sitting in a pool of nitro." thats one of those awkward moments you dont know if your allowed to laugh or not, BECAUSE this is such a sensitive issue, i laughed anyway. can i quote you MM on that the next time someone asks me about my dad? lol but seriously comon now, you did not come here asking if you could complain about somebody's mother. no it is not okay.
My late dad pretty well turned into his mother during the last 10 years of his life. He hated when my mother pointed this out to him! Both he and his mother were very obsessive micro-manager types, though very well meaning and family oriented. One couldn't help but love my dad, though his need for everything to be just so could drive a saint to profanity and excessive boozing!
I understood the LW to be asking more if she could tell her guy that he was doing the same thing that he complains about his mother doing. Not that she wanted to criticize or complain about the mother - at least directly. If this was my bf I would say something like "you know, you're doing the exact same thing that you always complain about your mom doing." And then laugh to show that it's not meant as any kind of criticism of him or his mother. Just to point it out so he's aware.