If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and is obsessed with munching on stale bread or quackers out of dirty green pond water, it is probably a freaking duck.
What is so hard to understand about that?
You want labels? Go get ISO 9000 certified. Or Staples prints them for you dirt cheap, even laminates them for you if you want it. Don't be pathetic.
Unless you got more raw talent between your thighs than Rahab, Nell Gwynne and Catherine Walters combined, after 3 months he isn't hanging around just for sex. If you do - hey, look me up, I am free most Thursdays and Fridays.
MM, This response has me dieing laughing. Thank you so much for such a real approach to something that is obvious. I believe it's just nerves getting the best of me. There is no need for a label, just a validation of feelings since guys seem so bad at expressing them in a straightforward way verbally.
He is an extremely honest guy and I am just nervous he will say that he is still in the same place he once stated he was but likes what we have. Is this the worst thing ever, no, but it's a tough pill to swallow because I like him so much.
We don't just lay around every weekend. I am a really active person and we do something fun all the time. I took him glider plane flying once, he took me swimming with dolphins (those were for our birthdays) we have gone stand up paddle boarding (we live in Hawaii for work) and plenty of other things that keep thing's exciting. I plan mostly everything so that could have a lot to do with it to. And I am a very sexual person. I consider myself to be a great catch and couldn't understand how he wasn't falling for me to begin with. My ego was certainly hurt.
Guess only time will tell what will happen. But who know's, since he is transferring next year.
I don't think it's unreasonable to want clarity between what he says and his actions.
Well, not something I can really help you with - that is between you and him. So you may as well have a giggle, right?
Hmm.. I don't know that I necessarily agree with this advice.
I've always remained under the impression that a woman should believe what a man says; not necessarily what he does. Meaning, if he says one thing and his actions say another, to believe what he says because men aren't wishy washy with their words and they say what they think. If a man says he's not ready for a relationship, believe him.
I am not saying he doesn't have any feelings for this girl, but a guy hanging around for a FWB situation is not unheard of. He could be a commitment phobe, or gay, or have one of many other reasons that he said what he did.
If it were me, I would pull back from spending so much time together. If he comes to her and says, "what's going on, why aren't you wanting to spend time with me anymore?" then she can bring up the previous discussion and see if anything has changed. She deserves to know what's going on, because situations like this are classic ones for someone getting their heart broken. In the end he could always say, "well I told her I didn't have feelings for her" and technically, he'd be off the hook. Because he did.
Baby girl…, he told you 2 months ago. Why are you still there?
What a dick reply.
MM, usually your answers are spot on, I have to admit I'm surprised by this one. OP: believe what a man says, not what he does. If he straight up tells you he doesn't want things to go to the next level, believe him. In that case it doesn't matter how sweet he is or how much time you spend together or how frequently you talk. He may even have feelings for you but he said he doesn't want a relationship, So He Doesn't. Do NOT assume that things have changed until he says so himself. Some men are Perfectly capable of staying in a FWB situation for long periods of time. I am someone who wasted more than a year of broken heart on a friend who acted one way and spoke another. In the end, what he said was what he wanted. As a result he was far better off than I was at the end. We never slept together but I ended up completely broken.
It was never about him not wanting a relationship. We established we were looking for the same thing in the beginning. However, I assume as we spent more time together and he noticed I was feeling him more that we needed to talk. He pumped the brake.
Why I'm still around is no mystery to me Silksly. We are both on this island and he makes me laugh. We get along like I have never gotten along with anyone before. I have gone back and forth about ending it and came to the conclusion that if I end it, I will have to find other people to do all of the amazing things we've done together. Whether he says he's falling for me and really is or not, I am enjoying myself and will accept how he feels until something better comes along.
My relationships in the past were pretty unhealthy. So someone who is able to hang out with my friends and me with his and still get along, no quiet awkward moments that we can't talk through and make sense of like adults, I've at least found out that I am compatible. I was beginning to think all of the issues I've had in the past were me alone. They were just not the right fit.
Yeaaa this is definitely a conflicting answer compared to what has been told before on Guyspeak. One guyspeaker has said that the guy should run toward a label with you if he reallyyyy likes you, not away from it. Soooo basically this guy is avoiding the subject, am I right? You shouldn't be confused. I agree with slowing pulling away to see what the dude does. Then, you'll figure out his real intentions. The guy is currently enjoying emotional and physical perks of a relationship without having one. Single card is still out.
mm hm. saw that too. about the conflicting answers here i mean. just proves my point that guys give more mixed signals than they let on. not saying that we arent guilty of that too sometimes, but i think the notion that guys are as cut and dry as they say they are here is horsepiles sometimes lol
i gotta echo the ladies, this one was a bit harsh. guys give mixed signals ALL the time. they want different things but are too afraid to say it because they might lose the thing they got. so what, his problem not yours. if you WANT something different then go out and get it, even if it means not him. but yes, first ask him what his intentions are. there is nothing sexier than a confident woman that asks for what she wants, and goes out and gets it. there is nothing LESS sexy than a woman who stays with a guy because she thinks his needs wants and goals are going to change to match hers eventually. it's HARD to leave someone who is not meeting ALL of your physical and emotional needs, but you are seriously selling yourself short by doing so. it's called settling, and you aren't being fair to yourself. time. wasted.
I will have the talk to him and let y'all know from the horses mouth so then I won't have to wonder. I backed off a lot after the talk. He totally came forward but like I said he doesn't talk about his feeling much. His actions are on point though and I'm feeling him.
His friend asked me what we were doing for Thanksgiving and then we talked about it and he said he wants it to be me and him cooking together, then head over to his friends place. This is not your average booty call folks.
oh i feel ya 1 thousand percent. i did not see anything in your question that would even lead me to think you were talking about only a booty call. but guys will shy from commitment for a LOT of reasons, even if they have feelings for you. hell, my bf of 8 months and i were going through something very similar and it had everything to do with the pressures and responsibilities that come with a real labelled exclusive relationship, and absolutely NOTHING to do with how either one of us feels for each other. if he truly cares for you, he won't want you to wonder either. cooking together on Thanksgiving sounds like a very bright green light, and i completely and totally have all my fingers crossed for you.
Thank you Chrissie1101 for all your feedback.
I spoke to the guy I'm dating this morning. He explained why he said he said he wasn't falling for me. Basically during the first month he typically has this overwhelming feeling to be around someone day in and day out. But that never lasts and it isn't healthy. He was feeling that way with me and chalked it up not falling for me. It makes sense to me.
He says his feelings are growing for me but he doesn't want a long distance relationship when he has to move next year so it's not the right time for a relationship. But he does see us as bf/gf relationship. He said he would feel like he was cheating on me if he went out with anyone else.
Our relationship is not complicated in terms of our interaction and is relaxed. We aren't smothering and when we come together on the weekends we appreciate the time we are spending with one another. It's an amazing breakthrough and I'm excited to see where things go. If I end up being able to transfer next year, who knows what will happen for us. We'll see. :)
absolutely my pleasure. that is the best attitude to have. i am glad you guys were able to put some stuff on the table, that is a very healthy sign in a relationship. whether it is a labeled bf/gf thing or not, you two do clearly have a relationship of some kind. i know how much that sucks tho cuz as i said i am going through the same thing for the same reasons, distance unfortunately and grownup responsibilities need to come first but, it's tough i know when someone stays in your life and the sparks and caring are clearly still there and it's not exactly what you want so what to do what to do. staying excited with little expectations is the best way to handle it. i saw a quote on FB the other day that cheered me in up the situation, "just because someone doesn't love you exactly the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." food for thought, i truly wish you all the best.