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Hi WA. Dated a guy who seemed into me. The other day he called and said he feels there's no spark because his past relationships were further along at this point than ours and he didn't see the point in continuing. To a guy, what's the benefit of comparing us? I'm not those girls, and they didn't work out anyway.

What? That makes no sense. Further along how? In seriousness? Or is this about sex?

I've never heard of a guy comparing relationships like that. I think it's idiotic--every relationship is different. Apples and oranges. But maybe he's a thinker, this one. I picture the Rodin sculpture guy sitting on a park bench comparing relationship graphs and holding them up to the sun to see how they line up. "Hmm," he says, "this one isn't as far along as these other two. I should call it off." Then he puts his chin back in his hand to think some more.

Whether he really thinks you should be farther along in your relationship or he's just making excuses to break up with you, the end result is the same: it's over. If you feel like you did something wrong, don't. The bottom line is that he just wasn't feeling it. Life goes on. If this is his way of dumping you because you wouldn't put out soon enough for him, good riddance.

Thanks for the question.

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5 Comments

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LOL I think this is the result we get with all these 'relationship rules' being tossed out there. It's a common theme, after so many months or so many dates this or that is supposed to happen. Even on Guyspeak this occurs. People should just learn to go with the flow and let the relationship unfolds as it happens.

Faye

True! I learned the hard way to throw those "rules" out the door during my first relationship. I wish I was smarter then! :P

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LOL i love Cary's tag on this question!

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You guys missed the part where he said "Feels no spark". Anything else is him trying to let her down gently.

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I'm the OP. Cary, thanks so much for answering my question and making me laugh. And no, it wasn't about sex, we had slept together already. He said compared to his exes, he felt more strongly about them after 2 months than he did about me and felt we could never have a serious relationship because of it. @kamakula, whenever a guy breaks up with me and tells me why I always think he's lying to me and is just trying to be nice so I did think that as well, but this guy's not one to lie just to save someone's feelings so I don't think that was it. Anyway, it's been a few weeks since this has happened and after thinking about it and replaying some things he said about how he really, really wants to be married now that he's in his 40s, I realize he's probably putting pressure on finding THE ONE as soon as possible, and as we all know that's not the best way of going about falling in love. It makes you either stay with someone you shouldn't be with, or miss something because you're not letting it develop correctly. Unfortunately I got caught in the crosshairs of his indecision. But thanks again for your comments and making me feel better. I'm already back on the dating scene.

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