I'm sorry. That really sucks. Without threats, guilt trips, or grand drama queen exits, I'd slowly try and stop spending so much time with him. A strategic, well-intentioned, melancholy power fade. It's best for both of you.
You never stop loving someone. Love is never finished, it's just covered in bubble wrap and stored in the garage. Accept your feelings. Own them. Treasure them. Years from now, run your finger over the scar and smile. You were very brave to loved without being loved back. It's a terrible investment really, because there's no expectation of any returns.
Life isn't about who loves you back. It's about who you give your heart to, courageously, without strings. That's the only way to fully live. Loving recklessly and openly is like sky-diving, only more thrilling. After all, there's the chance your feet never have to touch the ground.
Otherwise, you're a zombie. Unfeeling, cold, indifferent, selfishly and singularly obsessed with eating. You love this dude. He doesn't love you back. It's not his fault. It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. And it hurts, but a dull ache in your gut is a sign that your heart is pumping blood. That you're doing what you're supposed to be doing with the little time you're allotted. Zombies feel no pain, they pump no blood, they are, as I mentioned, only interested with consuming. Preferably brains.
You should be proud. But I think once you confront your own shame, bruised ego, and deflated dreams, you'll realize that if you really love this guy, you'll relieve him of the burden of feeling something he does not. I'm not saying he doesn't care for you, he most probably does. Love comes in flavors, like ice cream. The love between friends is pretty damn special. But like romance, friendships end. And not always negatively. Slowly start weaning yourself off of his company. Give yourself some space to think, and breath, and get perspective. Meet some new people. You'll have moments of weakness and self-pity. It will get easier, though.
Never regret loving anyone.
Holy Schnikey,
Sir Reformed Player... that was one of the most beautiful things I've read today! Well... except for maybe the zombie part.
I agree with Jess. That was absolutely beautiful. Gosh you must have broken alot of hearts...........
this one of the best responses i have heard to such a problem.
i must agree with you, loving shows that you are alive!!!
This was really great advice and couched in such sweet terms, too. A+
Also, "Unfeeling, cold, indifferent, selfishly and singularly obsessed with eating" is a perfect description of me outside of a relationship. Well done, sir.
Thank you for what you wrote. I'm going through a similar situation, but unfortunately it ended badly to where we don't even say hi to each other. In his attempt to protect me by not being real and truthful to me, I ended up getting hurt twice as bad. Now I'm just trying sort out my thoughts and feelings so that I can move on without him. I still care about him, but it will never be the same.
Thank you for making me realize that it's okay to love because I know one day someone will love me back.
Wonderful response to a problem I've had as well.
Mine did not end so well, but thank you for the affirmation that it is good to love, even if it will not be returned in kind.
I know it would be harder to sleep well at night if I weren't true to myself. Love is never wasted. :-)
That was really beautiful :). I am going through the same thing right now with the father of my child (no relationship, long story!). I love him, he knows I have feelings but he says he is not ready for a relationship; guy code "I'm not ready for a relationship....WITH YOU". I see him all the time, but I have distanced myself, and it is making things ALOT better and alot easier!
Reformed Player, what you said made me feel alot better about loving someone who does not love me back...you made it seem far less humiliating! Thanks :)
As time passes, whenever I am approaching this subject through my own personal experiences and through my friends I start to become sure that male-female friendship with no second intentions is only possible if:
a) you don't spend too much time with each other
b) you've know your opposite sex friends since childhood (which makes a sister/brother of them)
c) you don't have a too powerful intimacy
And through all this agent/observer situations I've been, I can also say that most of the time, whenever one of the two is confused, there's a great probability that the other person will be as well. So, when you start mixing up signs, and you start to think the other person is messing with your head, she probably is, and she probably thinks the same of you. And then you go to the awkwardness, and when you see you can no longer control what you feel, due to the other person also passive behavior, you usually try to go away for awhile. But, in case this is not possible, or in case of a constant repetition of confusing mutual feelings, one part gets so frustrated that ends up doing something about it. Not necessarily taking the risk, but definitely exposing herself for the sake of the both of them. Or, in case of a sense of undeniable love, the person accepts that intimacy and proximity can be so wonderful together, and accepts the fact of falling in love (or actually, being in love) for the one she trusts most.
So for some reason and for some point, things will get more clear. And that's the good thing when it happens to your best friend, not just a friend, ' cause it requires a lot of honesty from both sides. You accept to show your vulnerability towards the other, and in return this person shows you the respect you deserve but telling you with no ambiguity what she thinks you mean to her, what she feels and wants from you. Of course that if this happens when you're confused, it might get her even more confused and she will need some time to process everything. But eventually she will reach you, because at the end of the day, as hard as it might be hurting someone we love, we know that simply going away hurts even more. And in case of non reciprocal love, of course after this conversation on which you will both set the terms to save your relationship, you will probably agree on not just changing whatever it was confusing - behaviors, jealousy, words - but also on spending some time apart. In order to reestablish priorities and objectives, so one day you'll be good friends again, if not that close.
However, when the trust and comfortableness are not that strong, like when you have some feelings for an average friend, and its not corresponded, the other person might freak out and just let you go...so yeah, of course it sucks. But you know what? Its too easy to recall "if you love someone set them free". This is not true in this sense, by going away your friend is actually showing you he's not that good friend to you, ' cause if he was, he would have the balls to not let you go through this by yourself, ' cause whether he likes it or not, he is also involved in this situation. It's no one guilty, but it is everyone's responsibility to handle it. That what true friendship means: sharing. Sharing is caring.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. Perfectly timed. I didn't think it was possible to go through such a thing at the wise and mature age of 47, but apparently it is.
You were able to put into words what i've been trying to tell a friend of mine for about a year and a half...thanks
Thank you so much for this posting. I had a very similar thing happen to me a few years back, and it was hard when he stopped talking to me after having found someone else. Nonetheless, it is good to hear that my feelings weren't stupid or wasted; they simply came at the wrong time for the wrong person. Thank you again for reminding me that what I went through was normal and thus yet another complicated, painful face of love - but love nonetheless.
That was absolutely beautiful. Most people can't put that into words, but you did it well.
Really helpful...trying to move from love to like with a man who is everything to me but 17 years younger. And as much as we love each other, we're in very different places in our lives and want very different things for our futures. He also never "fell in love" with me like I did with him so I'm the one that's struggling now. Thanks!
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hahha I agree