Hmm. Sounds to me like your +4 advantage has thrown him for a loop. Most guys aren't used to that; we're the ones who cat around, and women are supposed to be good little girls and only sleep with a few guys, or, at least, fewer than us. It's a classic double standard, leftover from the olden tymes when every man wanted to marry a virgin.
You told him your number; what else does he want? All the naughty little details of who, when, where, and what you did? No. Just no. He thinks he wants to know, but he doesn't, trust me. I've only asked one girlfriend about her sexual past, and as soon as she told me, I wished I hadn't. Now I'm married, and even after many years together, my wife and still I don't know all the details of our SBYs (Sex Before You), nor do we want to. We know enough, and the rest just doesn't matter. It's the past.
Ask him why he needs to know so badly. That's the real question here. Is he really that insecure about your relationship? Is he trying to determine whether or not he thinks you're a slut? Is it a control thing for him? What if he doesn't like what you tell him; is he going to break up with you? And how much detail would satisfy him anyway? Any tidbit you give him will spawn a hundred more questions.
Bottom line, it's the past, it's none of his business and the truth will only hurt him more. Tell Mister Man that you are focused on your future together, not the past, and refuse to say anymore about it. As my friends Kara and M.A. said, "Nothing good can come of it." Just say no. And ask him to let it go so you guys can get on with the relationship.
There may be one other possibility: he may find it provocative.
Whether you can handle the idea of him finding the idea of you with another man as a turn on is still up to you though.
It really is your business. If it's an STD he's worried about just get tested and put his mind to ease and have him do the same. (It's probably better in general to have that information anyway.)
I can see someone getting turned on by someone's past. For most, I say leave it alone.
Tell him that, now that you've thought about it, two of you past conquests were goats, and four of them were dogs, so they don't really count, and your number is really two less than his.
That should make him feel better.
You could tell him to STFU, but that might create more problems than it would solve. Hmmm...you could give him details, details and more details until he tells you to STFU. And then you could keep talking, and be like well you ASKED and be all huffy, but then he'd be like well yeah, I did ask, but you didn't have to go into detail, and then you could go well that's what you GET dickhead.
It's the past. It doesn't matter. Excellent answer, Cary.
Oh man! I was in a relationship with a guy like that. I've learned never tell, unless it's for health reasons. Other then that keep your mouth shut. Unless you want to see your significant other turn green-eyed everytime you talk to someone you know of the opposite sex, then refrain from spilling your special number.
Actually if you can't get out of that, leave out any of the guys/girls off the list that you regret in such a way that it would ruin one of your friendships/relationships you have, say your best friends ex they were engaged to that you slept with once or a few times but no one knows. That shouldn't have to count if you not only regret it, but were so drunk you barely remember. That is one example, not a personal one, kind of going off a random variation of Gossip Girl Serena's mistake with Nate from season one.
Anyway, if a guy is trying to pry in and ask, that means he feels unsure of how he is in bed with you or in general with any girl. It's always best to wait till he spills his number so that you can see if you need to really tell him. And if you want to just go with the exact phrase: "I've been with enough people", that is sure to make it seem like a neutral ground for any number, but nothing in the worry category.
Some of us appreciate women who enjoy sex as much as we do. Try to figure out whether he is insecure and wants to know because he is jealous, or because he is confident and it is a turn-on to know his lover is/was a player who likes him enough to be with him.
Good for the ego to think she's had a lot to choices and picked me. Right?
And if he's really cool it probably will get him hot for you to tell him about past experiences in detail while you are making out -- visualizations of my girl getting off get me off too. I guess it's a form of voyeurism most guys are born with, but are reluctant to admit.
Then if you both are really into it, you might want to try a threesome with another guy or girl in bed with you for some extra added excitement. Lots of possibilities... It's not for everyone, but its great for those of us who enjoy anything erotic that both of us enjoy.
You need to figure out whether he is pressing the subject because he is insecure and jealous, or whether he is confident and turned on by the thought that, despite your options, you have picked him as the best.
If he is insecure, you might need to move on -- he always will be acusatory, controlling and domineering. If he can be comfortable with, or even excited by your revelations, then you should be in store for a great relationship.
A lot of us guys are secretly voyeuristic (as evidenced by porn popularity) and some of us are even turned on by the visualization of our lovers with other guys and/or girls, in the past...or in the future as in threesomes, foursomes or moresomes.
I travel a lot and when my lover gets lonesome, she has my permission to find someone else to play with. Then when I get home she tells me all about it and we have some fantastic sex.
i'm sorry but that's just messed up.
Oh most guys are like this, they just hide it better.
Either always have the guy tell you first and then come in with a lower number (if you suspect his is under 20 or lower than yours).
If you know from friends / him / gossip that he is or used to be a slut, asked him to get tested and come in with a number that fits the following (these guys are often the worst with the whole virgin-whore issue and won't seriously date a girl with a high number where a former non-slut would). Anyway, table:
Age Range: Number of Acceptable Partners:
16-18: 1
18-20: 2 (3 if you're in college and he knows that you just got out of a relash)
20-24: 3-4
24-28: 4-6
28-32: 5-7
32-36: 6-11
36-40: 11-13
I would never go higher than 13 unless my past career choices, personality, or photographically-supported past made that an obvious lie.
If a guy is skeptical, tell him that you're not counting the ones where you did "everything but intercourse" because ... well, those were at Bible Camp / Promise Keepers / Cheerleading Camp.
Because, really, its none of his effing insecure judgmental business. And you know his number counts that one girl who he totally coulda' got with if Brad hadn't cockblocked him their junior year. Also, you don't see what he does at work when they hire a hot new secretary half your age (I work there - I see it. And then see you at the company BBQ that weekend. You're being far, far too kind and he should kiss your feet).
answer me why does he always want to be number one ??