Of course he gets annoyed. You are asking him to teach you stuff he can't do anymore. Or thinks he can't, which is the same thing.
You ever put your back out badly? The simplest action promptly becomes an essay in pain, and, until it heals there is no relief at all. You can't even sleep without fear, in case you try to roll over in the night and wake in agony.
Using painkillers can numb the pain, sure, but you wind up doing more damage to your back in the long term. If he needed surgery, he'll have had that life for long enough to be totally terrified of it returning. Show some understanding.
Now, having said that, obese and inactive is obviously not good for him. Try little things first. Take him shopping and park away from the doors so he has to walk a bit. Try getting him to eat less and healthier - chances are he is eating way more because he is bored out of his mind with nothing to do.
Mainly though, talk to him about it. He's not dumb, he knows it isn't the worlds best thing he is doing. Let him know you want your old Dad back. He really does too.
You need to have sympathy and patience. You know why he sits at home "a lllll day"? Because his back fucking hurts! Back surgery can take years to fully recover from, and you're constantly nagging him to "care about his health"? He's most likely miserable and doesn't need you to constantly force him to do things his body can't come close to handling right now. You're lucky he hasn't flipped his biscuit on you already!
Britannia -
Sorry but I just ABSOLUTELY had to react to your (quite cruel and accusatory) comment. The poster wasn't criticising her father and isn't nagging him out of selfishness - she's CONCERNED!
I've been in the exact position with my mother - she's overweight, diabetic, and has suffered two heart attacks. She too spends most days lying around indoors.
Seeing her this way BREAKS MY HEART. I recognise signs of depression and would give my right arm for her to be happy. I'm worried about her health and fear that she won't be in my life as long as we'd both like. The situation pains me - I've spoken to family members and counsellors and have made myself emotionally and mentally exhausted with hurt and efforts to heal her.
Please be compassionate and respect the poster's wishes to see her father happy and healthy.
Nagging is nagging, and very annoying, no matter what the nagger's intentions may be. That's why it's called nagging, instead of "voicing concerns".
Recovering from a heart attack is very different from having spinal surgery. Your body's entire ability to perform basic tasks relies on your spine being in perfect working order. Having a broken spine, or having had some other form of corrective surgery on it, can lay someone up for years. Don't criticize someone's method or length of healing time until you've personally experienced it (which I have - my entire spine was pulverized last year), and even then, you should realize that every person goes through trauma in their own way.
Maybe try a walk & a talk. Tell him you want his opinion/help with something & take a walk around the block to discuss it. He might just focus on helping you & not notice he is helping himself. It could happen…
Did his doctor give you guys a time frame for what his physical activity levels should be? It might be a little too early for things like tennis, but just going for a short walk might sounds better to him. Just suggest different levels of physical activity and see which ones he's more open to. Don't push him. He might be refusing because he's lazy, or, as MM said, it might be because he is in pain.
If you can, talk to his doctor again. Ask if your father should be able to be active already. Ask if your father should still be in pain. Who knows, something may have gone wrong with the surgery.
He had his surgery a year and a half ago. Never went to the follow up therapy bc He felt like it was mundane. Being an athlete, I definitely know throwing your back out and taking time to recover is a process. But recovery is also by going to your follow up therapy. Working those little muscles and tendons to build up the strength in shoulders, back etc. I know he is in pain and the main problem is bc he didn't follow up with the therapy which is critical. He hasn't built up the muscles a d gets pissed when we mention it.
And no, I haven't been nagging as you like to put, Britannia. He has a family who cares about him and his health but whenever he has a doc appt he Fucking cancels. Nagging? He is an ostrich to facing problem s and his dad, the patriarch of our family, is in the hospital with pancreatic cancer. His sister has colon cancer and both of them just found out within The past month. Oi want him to be healthy because there are already people fighting a disease that they can't prevent. Obesity you can, or at least be healthy!!
My dad is in the same position. It has been 6 years since he has worked. He suffered from lower back pain and Hernia, and has had 4 surjeries done on his back. Now he is 40 years old and almost 600 pounds. I am only 14 and already I'm worried about loosing him. He has a very high blood pressure and blood sugar.It is a challenge just to get him to walk out of his bed. He can't walk without a walking stick and can't go out of the house that much,but if he does he goes with a car. Everyday I see him in bed and it hurts me. I can't do regular things that fathers and daugthers do. My mom is just as worried. She cries when she tells him to do exercise and he doesn't. I try to get him to exercise with me also. I have talked with him numerous times about this but lately,it has had some emotional effects on him too. I feel like if it continues, I'm going to loose my relationship with my father. I pray to god everyday that everything will be okay. I cry about this every night. I can't take this anymore. I love him so much and I care about him terribly. I have been so depressed lately and it's because of my father's health. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to loose him now. I'm desperate to find help for my dad. Please help me. dianaroxs17@aol.com
Unfortunately tennis and other active sports are contraindicated to people with heart diseases.