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How can I pick up women?

Great question, guy, because if you don't do it right, you're just asking for pain.

Here's what you do: find the woman you want to pick up. Approach her from behind, cat-like, and don't let her see you coming. Avoid women with friends, because friends tend to spot a guy on the prowl.

Once you are right behind your target, gently bend your knees, reach around her waist with both arms, then in one smooth, swift move, lift her off the ground by extending your knees and lifting with your legs and arms simultaneously. Do not lift with your back, and make sure her weight is distributed evenly, or you risk injuring yourself.

Voila! You've picked up a woman. And the more you do it, the easier it will become, so don't give up if the first few attempts earn you a slap to the face or a kick in the groin.

Good luck.
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13 Comments

user-pic

Holy shit! That's some funny stuff!

user-pic

awesome and hilarious... hilawesome? AWESLARIOUS!

VKnoxville

Madison, I would go with "aweslarious" because it sounds way cooler.

Regards

Jess

Hahahaha, amazing! True about picking up from the legs too, I learned the hard way this summer with my foray into hardwood flooring.

Daisy

*giggling, giggling* =)

BlueEyedGirl

"Pick up"??? Seriously? Are we still calling it that?! Sounds like something on a grocery list. deodorant, celery, beer....oh...yeah...woman

BlueEyedGirl

"PICK UP" Seriously? Are we still calling it that? Sounds like something on their grocery list to check off...

deodorant
beer
toilet paper...oh...yeah...
woman for sex

Mannon

I've heard that with enough upper body strength, you can pick up two women at once!

Mannon

Wtf? Sorry blue, that was meant to be a normal comment, but apparently I love replying to random people instead. Good times.

Frank

I always put "woman" at the top of the list.

lonelyskeptic

wow.... that was EXTREMELY funny... but very logical.... no wonder they call you the wise guy... lol

Megan

Dude, I have actually had that happen to me at a Ren faire. I was dressed as a wench and he was dressed as a Scottish Highlander, so I guess I had it coming. It was kinda sexy now that I think about it, if not absolutly shocking at the time.

bgirl

hahahahah. STOP IT. Almost fell off my chair at work.

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