How can I tell if my boyfriend is cheating?
Recently, he's been taking alot of business trips and not calling me for long periods of time. He used to stay in touch ALOT. I'm getting a bit suspicious...
Dan Seitz answered this question on
November 15, 2012 8:10 AM
I'd start by talking to him.
I'm not sure he's cheating based on being away and not calling much, but there's obviously something a bit off here.
Start by sitting him down, telling him what you're seeing, and ask him why it's happening. Give him a chance to get it out in the open, and go from there.
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Even if you do talk to him, it's very unlikely that he will admit it to you. I just got out of a five year relationship - and found out that he was having relationships with other women the entire time. Full blown relationships, which was easy for him to do because HE travelled alot with work. Like in your situation, the contact waned. Of course I questioned him, and not only did he deny it, he got angry and I felt guilty. I wish I had of listened to my gut, but I guess when you're in that situation (at least for me) it's hard to listen to anyone/anything until you have proof. I think these types of men get found out EVENTUALLY - it took me five years until i found out and to be honest, even when i confronted with him with the full whack of proof -he STILL denied it - which is a little crazy (but apparently very common). All it took was for one woman to contact me from halfway round the world through facebook and it was then I found out there were many other women who wanted to let me know what my dearest boyfriend was really up to.
It's so easy to make excuses for a change in your partner's behaviour. e.g maybe he hasn't called because he is so stressed at work - I better not stress him out more; maybe the sex has waned because we're both so busy and hey cuddling's not bad; maybe he's in a bad mood because he didn't get that promotion; maybe we're fighting all of the time because we've just moved into this new house and it's a big change;maybe he's taken a sudden interest in the gym and shopping because he wants to make an effort for me - I thought the signs were too cliche to be true-that they couldn't possibly apply to MY relationship but turns out, the signs are there for a reason.
If he travels globally it will be very difficult to find out the truth, you can snoop, call him all the time, skype but he could still be having an affair and you might never know. Some people might say that it's not worth staying with someone who you do not trust, but it's very hard just to up and leave someone on a suspicion, esp if you have been together a long time. I guess it's up to you really what you want to do. Good luck and I hope you find peace with this.
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Dan's right...no assumptions. Just talk to him. We don't know about the level of trust you have established in this relationship, and whether this is just another red flag that he is a player, or if he's a good guy going through a rough time.
I wouldn't focus on him being away for a while, but on the fact that the pattern has changed. If he used to do X, and now he does Y, there is a reason behind it, line one of the many that Double Life (post above) noted.
However, if when talking to him, you alert him to this "change in behavior" he may cover up activities by resuming the pattern, so as to throw you off.
Using positive "I feel" messages (I feel great when we have a chance to talk in the evenings) rather than accusatory negative (Why don't you ever call me in the evenings?) will make you less threatening, and he might let his guard down.
Good luck.