Same as with any other guy, you just ...
Wait, what?!
Almost dream guy? How close is almost? What is his lack? Can it be fixed? Why are you thinking of trading down, which you almost definitely will be? Going to let you into a little secret here:
Your dream guy does not exist!
Guys are human too, and every last one of them will have something about them that annoys or irritates you to a greater or lesser extent. Just like you will to them. You are being somewhat dumb and unrealistic here.
Still, if you must, do it the usual way. Face to face.
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Sometimes you have to break up with some of the best guys. I once had a boyfriend who treated me incredibly well, but had absolutely no motivation to do anything with his life. After a while we were in such different places in our lives (I was still in high school, but looking forward to going to college across the country; he was working a full time job and worrying about rent, etc.) that we had almost nothing to talk about anymore. We had been dating for a year, but I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I haven't regretted it.
Agree with Ruru.
We want to be loved, and to be IN love, but often the relationship continues on these premises and we explain away all the things that DON'T work so we can have someone who treats us well. I've had my share of A-hole relationships, so I have been hanging out with this "nice guy" off and on for almost a year, who treats me well, calls me daily and doesn't take advantage of me, BUT he also has no professional aspiration to advance, blows his savings on toys and isn't passionate or creative, so I KNOW that if this keeps going, the "holes" in our relationship will become more obvious.
No other prospects, so we keep it status quo. Weird, huh?
First you say you girls always say you want to be loved and to be in love, and then you say you've met this really nice guy and then ten lines later you're already blowing him off for futile reasons. Like you have all the good quality he has plus all the qualities he doesn't have.
For god's sake, stop being picky and try to like people for what they freaking are, you bunch of hypocrites.
That's right! Stop having such high standards for yourself! Sure, it feels like women need to be neurosurgeon supermodel comedians to even get glanced at by a regular guy these days, but women shouldn't expect the same standards from men. They're only men after all, and even though they may not make you happy, you'll be so much more miserable alone. So give the "nice guy" a chance, because he's entitled, and his happiness is more important than yours. After all, the only way a bitter unnattractive man is going to get a date is not to work on improving himself, but to make you feel guilty for having standards.
So come on! Please! Iskaminien is so lonely!
This comment is perfection itself. If I could click the little read heart 50 times and have them all count, I would.
Iskaminien is smart. You're all fuckwits.
Come on, people change. She shouldn't stay just for the sake of having someone. If you don't see it going anywhere then go. My goodness we are free to make our own choices in who we want to date. The practice of transferring human "property" from father to husband has been abandoned. We ladies no longer have to just put up with guys we know aren't for us.
It's not so much being picky as it is knowing it will not work out. That's not a bad thing. We are no longer in an age of forced monogamy for 50 years.
I agree with "dafsdfdas" sometimes it's not about being picky, it's about knowing what you want from a relationship and more so on how you feel about the person. If you feel he's not right for you then why settle for him just because... You will be unfair if you knew from the beginning that it's not going to work and besides whatever he will do for you will not gonna be good enough. So stop wasting both of your time & move on.
I’m with MM on this one; you will most likely trade down. I just have the feeling the girl is young & inexperienced to know that “nobody is perfect.” But hey..., go for it, if you must. Live & learn.
While I agree with silkysly in that this girl really does sound young and naive, I don't believe in the idea of "settling". We've got a guy here implying that women should, but I don't get how you wouldn't be extremely offended if that were the case. Ladies, would you not feel hurt if you found out the guy you're dating isn't all that happy with you, but "settled" for you 'cause he lost all hope of finding something better?
At the same time, I do think a lot of men AND women (jeez iskaminien, pot calling the kettle black much?) need to reevaluate what it is they find attractive in the opposite sex. It's not that you should settle - you shouldn't be with anyone who doesn't make you happy - but you might want to completely redo your "master checklist". Maybe not let minor flaws in people stand out more than the good things.
"Maybe not let minor flaws in people stand out more than the good things."
Absolutely spot on.
"At the same time, I do think a lot of men AND women need to reevaluate what it is they find attractive in the opposite sex."
- Nice to look at.
- Interesting perspective.
- Make my days not suck.
I like this list, I think I'm going to keep using it.
I have been w/ my bf for 8 years and we have a child. At first he was nice but over the years things have changed dramatically. I am basically told on a daily basis to shut the F up, I don't do anything, I need to use that thing between my ears, a meal consists of 3 things, how many times do I have to tell you.,a hole bunch of other stuff and bitched at for anything and everything. He gets off work at 4:30 and comes home around 9 every night and goes out on the weekend. Since Thanksgiving he has stayed out at least 6 times and 1 time didn't have the repect to call and say he wan't going to be home. I know I'm not perfect but I take care of our child, 2 dogs, cook, clean and anything else that needs to be done. He tells me that noone knows what he has to deal with and noone will put up w/ my shit. He even kicked me out of bed when I refused to have sex with him one night. I have been thinking about leaving but am kinda of scared to. I wish sometimes that I could have a nice guy that appreciates me and wants to spend time and be a family. Sometimes you need to give someone a chance if they seem to nice, i chose this ahole over a nicer guy.
I have been w/ my bf for 8 years and we have a child. I am basically told on a daily basis to shut the F up, I don't do anything, I need to use that thing between my ears, a meal consists of 3 things, how many times do I have to tell you.,a hole bunch of other stuff and bitched at for anything & everything. He gets off work at 4:30 & comes home @ 9 everynight and goes out on the weekend. Since Thanksgiving he has stayed out at least 6 times and 1 time didn't even call & say he wan't coming home. I know I'm not perfect but I take care of our child, 2 dogs, cook, clean & anything else that needs to be done. He tells me that noone knows what he has to deal with & noone will put up w/ my shit. He even kicked me out of bed when I refused to have sex with him 1 night. I have been thinking about leaving but am kinda of scared to. I wish sometimes that I could have a nice guy that appreciates me and wants to be a family. Sometimes you need to give someone a chance if they seem to nice, i chose this ahole over a nicer guy.
Hey, you deserve way better and owe it to yourself to get it. Even being alone sounds like a plus compared to being with this guy. Pack up and get out. You may run into some troubles with custody battles, but it'll be worth it to get away from this jerk. :)
If your man acts like that, babyV, leave. All you're doing by staying is make him believe his actions are a-okay and good. Only you leaving will make him realise you're a person and not his possession.
On the subject of being picky... And this goes close to that Nice Guy thing I so hate to talk about, as people tend to get me wrong, but here goes:
I have a friend who titles himself a nice guy. What he doesn't realise is that in reality he's a Nice Guy, which means, not so. He dated a girl, who was about to move away from home for the first time. He was "very helpful", calling to people he knew about flats the girl could afford to rent, he bought her stuff and always asked if she's okay with this and that, what would she like to do... At one point he even booked a looking on her behalf to a flat, and told the person renting the place that she was probably just a bit shy to take the flat because she had never before rented a place.
What he failed to see was how he was stepping on the toes of a blooming woman, who needed to do things herself to make herself believe she could do them. He wanted to be a nice guy, but there was nothing selfless in it: he did it for the praise and to keep her dependant on him. When she got more and more annoyed with him acting like she was a child and couldn't arrange things for herself and did not thank him for all the efford, he got pissed at her being so unthankful and "childish". Ofcourse he failed to see what I was trying to tell him. "Stop patronising her, she's a grown up, all you need to do is step back and be there when she wants to talk about it with you." It was futile efford.
What I'm saying here is that even though things on the surface looked very good, a pretty young woman with a handsome, young, NICE man who cared for her, under the surface it was all rotten. Not many saw what was coming. You can't judge a relationship when you're on the outside. I agree with MM that there are plenty of silly women thinking there's Mr. Right One somewhere. But even though there isn't one Right One, the reality is that there are plenty more of Mr. Wrong Ones. I personally find that the flaws in a person make them interesting and more close to me (who on earth would want a perfect person?), but for instance the guy I told you about is definately not someone I could date. But there are women who'd find him to be the perfect guy.