Examine the messages you're writing. Are you writing something too casual ("Hey, you seem cool. Write me back sometime") and not giving him anything to respond to? Are you bringing up things from his profile that piqued your interest? Are you asking him questions? Do you have a sense of humor about yourself and the whole online dating thing? Giving him something to respond to in your message while also showing off your personality is key. You can't just let him rely on your profile.
Messaging someone on a dating site is a lot like writing a cover letter for a job: you have to catch their interest fast. Also, you need a hook. Find something on their profile that could spark conversation. For instance, let's say the guy has a photo on his profile from his wild trip to Ireland.
Okay message: "Hey, just thought I'd write and say hi. You seem cool. Nice pic of you in Ireland."
Better message: "Hey, just wanted to say I love the photo of you barhopping in Ireland. Bet you've got some crazy stories. Would love to hear them. Ireland seems awesome. I've never been, but I did have a pretty amazing time in England not long ago. Hope you didn't get into any international incidents!"
Right away you've given him something to respond to. You're flattering his ego a little ("you are exciting and have crazy adventures! tell me more!") and showing an interest in his life and pursuits. You could also throw in something about yourself (you also like to travel) to further pique his curiosity.
Also, a well-written message really stands out. While you shouldn't write a novel or anything, a short, witty message that you've put a little time into will help you stand out from all the "U R Hot" and "Whaz up???" messages he's also getting.
Good luck!
Messaging someone on a dating site is a lot like writing a cover letter for a job: you have to catch their interest fast. Also, you need a hook. Find something on their profile that could spark conversation. For instance, let's say the guy has a photo on his profile from his wild trip to Ireland.
Okay message: "Hey, just thought I'd write and say hi. You seem cool. Nice pic of you in Ireland."
Better message: "Hey, just wanted to say I love the photo of you barhopping in Ireland. Bet you've got some crazy stories. Would love to hear them. Ireland seems awesome. I've never been, but I did have a pretty amazing time in England not long ago. Hope you didn't get into any international incidents!"
Right away you've given him something to respond to. You're flattering his ego a little ("you are exciting and have crazy adventures! tell me more!") and showing an interest in his life and pursuits. You could also throw in something about yourself (you also like to travel) to further pique his curiosity.
Also, a well-written message really stands out. While you shouldn't write a novel or anything, a short, witty message that you've put a little time into will help you stand out from all the "U R Hot" and "Whaz up???" messages he's also getting.
Good luck!
Nick, that is exactly what I'm doing and I'm still not getting responses or the responses I do get are tepid. Grr. I even went to okcupid (which is actually pretty good for being free) on your advice.
Just gotta keep going I guess.
what would be the counterexample of this? like what should a guy say to a girl?
The above can also work for guys writing girls. It's always good to give her something to respond to and to show her that you both have similar interests.
For guys, there are three very important things to remember:
1. Don't be creepy. Be friendly, laid back, and a little flirty. Don't tell her she has a "nice rack" in her profile pic, or that you like a girl long legs. In fact, don't mention sex or anything even remotely sexual in your first few messages. And don't be pushy-- if she's not responding, don't bombard her with messages in the hopes that you'll get her attention.
2. Be funny. You don't have to be hilarious, but have a sense of humor about yourself. A little self-deprecation never hurts.
3. Keep it brief, and ask her questions. Don't write an essay listing all the great things about you. Show that you're interested in her, and drop a few hints about yourself as well. Make her curious enough to write back.
4 (okay, there are four things). Submit this question to me and I'll discuss it further in the future.
Good luck!
Nick's right -- direct, specific questions are the best way to get responses. Once you start chatting, set up some kind of dare. Who doesn't love a good contest? "I bet you can't guess my middle name" can really get the competitive juices flowing.
Have something at stake for the prize, like a latte. Or a treasure chest of gold coins from Portugal. Whatever works for you.
I've always responded to the people that asked more specific questions. For example, I really like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and I mention that in passing on my profile (liking cult movies). The guys who mention that and ask about specific episodes, or send a quote, or just say "Finally!" have always been the most fun to chat with.
Maybe it's just me but I always preferred that guys who were a bit random and unpredictable with their messages. Ask something that seems a little out of place but still appropriate. One guy said "Beef vs. Pork, let's debate, I'll be pro beef". It's fun to think outside of the box and force yourself to be creative. After all, one of the reasons we've evolved to have such huge brains is to attract a mate. We need to start using it more!
Don't forget that when they read your message, they check your profile. Keep it interesting and be the person you want to attract. If you want someone who can carry on an intelligent conversation then check to see if you're coming off as a conversationalist or someone just pretending to be the most interesting person in the room. Give people a reason to reply. Have a couple random things about yourself that might pique a person's interest. I talk about my nicknames (even the ones I hate), what I dressed up for last Halloween, and my complete hatred of seeing people spit.
I'm having trouble getting guys to respond back to me also.
I also found a scam artist on okay cupid, so I flagged him.
How does a girl keep a guy's interest on these dating sites?
Even when they send me a message and I respond back, they often do not respond back after this???? I always keep it short and fun.
What are guys really looking for on these sites? I find they often don't want to talk to me after they see my picture, yet I get compliments from people on facebook on my pictures (not personal friends). Are all guys looking for that perfect looking woman?
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive posts on this blog. Keep up the great work.
I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this website. Keep up the good work.
Greet stuff thank yo for the information