Start exploiting his paranoia? Start whispering “5-Oh” under your breath. Every once and awhile, shush him and say “Did you hear that?” Start mentioning how the neighbors look all “narc-y.”
Or stop stocking up on boxes of Little Debbie treats? Pee in his bong? Screw with the TiVO so it fails to record Family Guy, WWE Raw and Antiques Road Show?
You could just deny his visa to ladytowne?
It’s hard to date a stoner. I mean, it’s better than a raging drunk? Raging drunks punch walls, pee on laptops, and fall down easily. Stoners are just… boring. I’m totally not against toking up. In my wayward youth, I found it improved the taste of Ramen noodles 1000%. But every day is excessive. Frankly, I’d get annoyed by a girlfriend who insisted on exercising and eating yogurt everyday.
He’s lost in a haze, eating ice cream and playing Xbox. Which leaves you to… slowly grow more and more frustrated. Stop. Don’t pester him. Don’t be a “nag.” Don’t allow him to dismiss you as a buzzkill. You must be smarter than him, which is easy to do, as he’s high off his nuts all the live long day. And you have to resign yourself to the fact that you can’t change him.
When he’s sober, and his skull is full of cotton candy, be matter of fact with him. Tell him you feel like he’s choosing the dope over you. Of course, he’ll deny it. And he’s telling the truth. He’s not choosing weed over you, he’s just choosing both. Those two choices are not compatible.
But don’t confront him. Never give ultimatums. When he’s not high, just sweetly relay the same, consistent message. He’s stoned, and you’re lonely. Then forget it, move on, talk about something else.
Over time, his behavior should start to change. And if not, leave him to his pineapple express, and date a non-smoker.