This is probably one of the most popular questions asked in any forum, so let me take my crack at helping to illuminate a couple of ways you'll know if a guy wants more than just sex from you:
1) He talks to you about things that do not involve what time you're showing up to his home.
If he didn't like you, he wouldn't initiate a convo with you about Lost or Grey's Anatomy and what the heck happened to George? You know why, because if only wants sex, he doesn't respect your mind. Even if you tell him 2+2 is 4, he'd still look it up because, like I said, he doesn't respect your mind.
2) He goes places with you in public
Nothing says I might want more than going out in public during the day, to like a zoo or something. If all I want is sex, I'm not scheduling dates, or basically anything before 7pm, to include the movies. NIne o'clock movies are ideal because afterwards he can suggest that you go back to your place to chill out which really means, "I'd like to see you naked and I just saw a movie with you, I deserve something." Day dates mean he's okay with other people seeing you with him which means he just might want more than sex.
Hmm...
3) He lets you come to his place when you feel like it
If you're truly a player out for only sex, you go to her place all the time? And do you know why? It's because you can control when you leave. She's not leaving her place so you get to leave. What else is she going to do? And if she puts you out? Great, you can just go home. If we bring you to our homes, you can find a reason to stay. It is not ideal. If I only want sex, you don't come to my place.
4) He calls you for simple pleasantries
Any time a guy just calls to say, "hey, I was thinking about you" he wants more than just sex. Mostly because we do not like all the strings that come along with sex, such as simple pleasantries. If we do them, of our own volition, we want to see you mentally naked too. Which bodes well for you.
5) Time
All of these come down to time. If the guy is making time for you outside of sexxy time, then he wants more than sex. If you don't get any time outside of schlumping time, sorry to tellyou, but you're a pin cushion.
It was written.
Nice, I guess it all comes down to 'time', but how soon should you be expecting him to spend time on you if you've just met and you want to save your time and know all he wants is sex?
I mean, if you really want to know, you could always just ask. LOL. In most situations, that usually the best way to get to the answer...
(And would easily solve 90 percent of the questions we get here at Guyspeak. Luckily for us most people apparently mute but can type like the wolves!)
People dont ask because you risk endagering your face (sort of your public image, the prestige or dignity you want to portray). You risk recieving an unpleasnt answer "yes I just want sex". This would be called a face threatening act, it is damaging your face, because it is acting in opposition to the wants of the other.
This is really why we dont ask what we really want, If we ask guyspeak our face is safe and we get the anwers we need.
Really helpful answer.. thank you so much... really..
No problem. Glad to be of service.
Then my guy is a total freak of man nature (or has some deepseated issues).
For the past whole year I've been in a friends with benifits situation with my boy toy. He says it's just sex. Ha! He's lying to himself. I don't know what his deal is.
1) He talks to you about things that do not involve what time you're showing up to his home.
I think we have talked just about everything that could be talked about and still there is more to talk about. Some of it having nothing to do with sex at all.
2) He goes places with you in public
Been doing that since day one.
3) He lets you come to his place when you feel like it
He lives 3 blocks away from me. If his sister isn't there, I can stay for as long as I want. When my son was in europe for the Christmas holidays I was pretty much living there. Mainly playing World of Warcraft on his computer while he was at work.
4) He calls you for simple pleasantries
He calls me to tell me the cute things his neice does. He'll call me to tell me about something he read. He'll text me randomly about random things.
5) Time
It's been a year. Yet he still says this is just sex. What the hell is with him? Obviously we are in a full out relationship and he's just in denial about it. Panama, explain this!
He's using you as a crutch. Because the reality is, if he wanted to be with you he would have made it official. You would be his girlfriend. He truly is waiting for someone better to come along.
And how do I know this? I am in a friends with benefits situation with a guy friend of mine. Why aren't we official? Because I know I can do better. So why spend time with him? I like physical contact, I like having a conversation, I like hanging out. But do I look at this guy as my future baby daddy? HELL NO!!! So... In my world, I am a single lady, who still gets hers.
I know how harsh that seems(its down right evul ) . You obviously want more than he can give. But you'll never find it with him because he truly does not loves you. I bet in his brain, he thinks if all else fails he'll settle for you. And that my dear is not love.
Yeah, you are. And yes he's lying to himself. You're his woman but maybe he doesn't realize it. So I agree, dude is trying to avoid something or just happy in his comfort zone as long as nobody rocks the boat.
Or maybe he just views you as his bff that he just gets to see naked sometimes since people have needs and who better to fulfill needs than friends?
Or at least that's what I think Elmo said on Sesame Street the other day. I was drunk though so that message may be wrong.
or he just likes to avoid labeling it anything that would he feels he may not be able to walk away from so easily...if this is the arrangement she is comfortable with by accepting "friends with benefits" then he is waiting for something better n it will hurt like hell when she realized she wasted all this time waiting for HIM to admit it's more than what he's saying it is. He's telling her plainly now that he does not claim her as his own, meaning she cannot claim him, bottom line. When he finds someone worthy to carry the title of "girlfriend" resentment will eat her alive.
Toodles~
Agreed
*sigh*
I was with a guy who was doing all that AFTER we had sex...and I wasn't comfortable with it, because I didn't want to be in a relationship with him and felt that he was doing too much when we never had a convo about us being mutually exclusive/boyfriendgirlfriend. But he insisted he really liked me (I never blatantly told him I didn't want to be in a relationship, but I did tell him that I didn't believe it was anything more than sex & good convo, and he insisted it was more than that) and that he was a good guy that could be trust.
I don't know to chuck it up to him being Southern or just a total asshole...but he went hard after he was getting it. Meet all the friends, brought me by his job, left me in his house by myself. Did my laundry...cooked.
Then this sucka blindsighted me and moved on (or back, I think it was his ex) chick, with a public announcement on FB (tagged profile pic).
I wasn't heartbroken. But I definitely felt disrespected because he insisted on being public with me and now I look like a pokeherfacejumpasshole when all he had to do was respectfully fade to black. I'm still scratching my head on this one. Because as much as I know he was running game...I totally could have ruined him (shit, I had passwords to his email accounts, etc.), since he brought me into his personal space. I don't understand what part of the game is that.
And then I ran into him a few weeks ago with his girl and her family. I went up to him and said hello, very politely. I think he pissed his pants. It don't all add up....
I was with a guy who was doing all that AFTER we had sex...and I wasn't comfortable with it, because I didn't want to be in a relationship with him and felt that he was doing too much when we never had a convo about us being mutually exclusive/boyfriendgirlfriend. But he insisted he really liked me (I never blatantly told him I didn't want to be in a relationship, but I did tell him that I didn't believe it was anything more than sex & good convo, and he insisted it was more than that) and that he was a good guy that could be trust.
I don't know to chuck it up to him being Southern or just a total asshole...but he went hard after he was getting it. Meet all the friends, brought me by his job, left me in his house by myself. Did my laundry...cooked.
Then this sucka blindsighted me and moved on (or back, I think it was his ex) chick, with a public announcement on FB (tagged profile pic).
I wasn't heartbroken. But I definitely felt disrespected because he insisted on being public with me and now I look like a pokeherfacejumpasshole when all he had to do was respectfully fade to black. I'm still scratching my head on this one. Because as much as I know he was running game...I totally could have ruined him (shit, I had passwords to his email accounts, etc.), since he brought me into his personal space. I don't understand what part of the game is that.
And then I ran into him a few weeks ago with his girl and her family. I went up to him and said hello, very politely. I think he pissed his pants. It don't all add up....
If he went all out to parade you around where everyone could see, my first thought would be that he wasn't broken up with his ex for long and he was possibly trying to get her attention or whatever it is that boys do that shit for. I can't think of anything else that would make a guy try that hard when there's no real reason too. They're a lazy species at the best of times.
Ok, I have a similar situation. He stated up front that he thought we were too diff to be in a relationship, that was 6 mos ago. So, we've seen one another on and off, talk via e-mail all the time. He invited me to spend a weekend away with him as his daughter had a competition, his X would be keeping the daughter with her so we could go out and have fun in between the competitions. So, 2nd night out he stated it would be funny if we ran into his daughter and X and I asked if he'd like me to pretend not to know him (totally OK with this as I was having fun) and he replied "of course not" - so now we've gone from this won't work to him not minding if I meet his X and daughter. He also made a comment a few days ago about how he wasn't the jealous type. I replied that he clearly set the parameters of the relationship so I would never expect him to be jealous. No response.
We both have kids so it's hard to find time to spend together and both have hobbies which we enjoy.
Not sure if he's found out that I'm not who he thought I was at the begining. If so, I'm in the dark about it but the jealous comment, weekend getaway (expensive), etc. has me confused. Assvice?
Ok, I have a similar situation. He stated up front that he thought we were too diff to be in a relationship, that was 6 mos ago. So, we've seen one another on and off, talk via e-mail all the time. He invited me to spend a weekend away with him as his daughter had a competition, his X would be keeping the daughter with her so we could go out and have fun in between the competitions. So, 2nd night out he stated it would be funny if we ran into his daughter and X and I asked if he'd like me to pretend not to know him (totally OK with this as I was having fun) and he replied "of course not" - so now we've gone from this won't work to him not minding if I meet his X and daughter. He also made a comment a few days ago about how he wasn't the jealous type. I replied that he clearly set the parameters of the relationship so I would never expect him to be jealous. No response.
We both have kids so it's hard to find time to spend together and both have hobbies which we enjoy.
Not sure if he's found out that I'm not who he thought I was at the begining. If so, I'm in the dark about it but the jealous comment, weekend getaway (expensive), etc. has me confused. Assvice?
This brings up a question I have. There's this guy I talk to a lot and I can tell him everything and probably would trust him with my life. (Oh, and he's my ex) After not talking for 10 months he asks me to be his friend again. he said he'
s thought about having a relationship again but since he's going off to college it's not gonna work out cause its gonna be hard. He told me he still has feelings for me and he kinda treats me like his girlfriend. He always waits for me after school and we text everyday. In his texts he always calls me babe and tells me sweet couple-ish things. Now, were friends with benefits, without the sex. I asked him once if he would have sex with me (not offering, just asking) and he said he would want to but he says I'm young and he has too much respect for me. (he's two years older) So, what should I be thinking about my situation?
same here.. i met a guy 6 months ago..we went couple dates before we had sex.. we were really clicked and have a lot of fun.. we hang out about a month then he went travelling about 3 months.. i was not really expecting anything.. i was with him just have fun and see from there.. i knew he was going to travel away. he is the one wanted to keep in touch and i said ok.. he wrote me long emails every week and i replied. once again we were having long distance realationship.. he kept in touch he even said he missed me..we pretty much talked about everything.. he told me what he is doing where he is.. also he was curious about my life. kind of trying to figure out if i am seeing somebody etc.. point is i really get attached him while he was away.. and i tought he is too..he came back we end up hanging out 2 times in a week. he started to intruducing me his friends, asking me going dinner with his friends and wifes.. invited my sister and her boyfirend to his house... asking me spending whole weekened with him .. etc.. then one weekend sunday night after having great day he started to talk about marriage and relationship.. how he is not good with relationship and how his friends feels like stuck in their marriages.. he is just into the sex etc..i was the one just having fun he was the one kept in touch 3 months now i was thinking something good happening and he is telling me he only wants have sex with me!! ha.. next day when i left his place i knew something was off.. broken my heart uncomfortable somekind of feeling.. i text him a joke next day he never replied he was very good about replying texts or calling back.. then i ve texted him one more text following day asking how he is he never replied. i have never try to contact with him again. 2 weeks later i ran into one of his friend and she told me when they ask about me previous weekend to him, he said them we are no longer dating because things getting serious too fast and he doesnt want it.. all i said her, thank you for letting me know that we are not dating anymore.. because he just disappear on me!! it was another week he finally texted me and ask me go out with him and his friend.. i said no then he called me couple days ago and asks me how am i doing what is new and if i want to hang out with him again!! yeah i know this is booty call!! but i am really confused why a guy keep in touch, 3 months while he is otherside of the world and knowing he will not get any booty next 3 months from you.. i doubt he was just thinking to use me for sex.. i guess my question are guys really scare if something is going real good that they might be falling fast and they need to pull away!! or basicaly he is just not that into me..
this is by far the best answer I got ....my guy is exactly as u described and I wasnt sure if he is playing smart and doing a few emotional/ sensitive things to make me think its more than sex...I guess it is!...thanks
While i see that this feed is from last year and not much was posted this year with a response i have a situation that is slightly disparraging to say the least. I have been fwb with a guy that i have been friends with for a little over a year. When we started this relationship it was purely one tipsy night and needs needed to be met. He even stated to me that i was not his type. this was all off the first time we met and then as we became better friends and spoke more and more often it seemed that our friends with benefit relationship went from just sex to cuddling and even sleeping together (no sex involved). I never once let him come to my home this always took place at his house and i have met a lot of his friends both male and female. No that we have hit the over the year mark i have seen a change in him he is more intimate and for lack of any other way to describe it touchy feely than he was when this all started. I have developed more than friends feelings for him but i am afraid to approach him about it cause i dont want to get labeled the clingy friend i can go days with out speaking to him but those dont pass with me not thinking about him. So i guess my question is since we have pretty much gone through all the if he wants more than just a hook-up stages and havent progressed where do go from here. It seems that we both teasea each other when we express that we are interested in someone else but then those relationships never come to fruition. Help me understand this please!!!
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this website. Keep up the great work.
hahha I agree
Im friends with this guy that says he wants to have sex n I do to n thats all irs gonn b but wen it comes down to ir he always backs down yet hes the one that says hes willing to risk our friendship on it.....he has told me hes scared of commitment n that hes afraud imma get attached to him but hesays in time it will hapoen wat is his deal