Thanks for the question. I can help, as I’ve been dumped a time or two myself. I know, I know, hard to believe, isn’t it? It was for me. But whatever, it just made me a bigger person — as in fatter. I binge on sweets when I’m depressed.
Anyway, here’s what you do: call your ex-boyfriend on the phone. When he answers, say:
“I don’t ever want or need to talk to you again. I am just done. Leave me alone. Goodbye.” (click)
I’m not trying to be a wise ass. Wait — yes I am. But that’s really the answer: the direct approach.
Guys are like stray cats — if you feed them once, you’ll never get rid of them. Once a guy has a found a nice woman to take him in and clean him up and buy him better shoes, he’s not all that willing to let go of her, even if he gets the ridiculous notion that he can do better elsewhere. He might even try, like a stray cat going to your neighbor’s house instead of yours for a few days, but both guy and cat will return to what they know is good, i.e. you. Unfortunately for them, by then you’ve moved on.
So you must treat the guy as you would treat the cat. Sure, you can be nice at first if you like — “Sorry, little fella, I’m all out of tuna” — but it sounds like you’ve already done that and it didn’t work.
Now you just have to be firm. Stamp your foot and say, “Get!” You might have to do it two or three times before it sinks in; both man and cat are stubborn, but before long they’ll realize their meal ticket has no more punches left and they need to move on to some other sucker.
If that doesn’t work, you can always get a new boyfriend and let him answer the next call, text, e-mail or visit from your ex, which is like greeting the returning stray cat at the door with your huge new cat-hating German Shepherd. That should do the trick once and for all.