Thanks for the question. I can help, as I've been dumped a time or two myself. I know, I know, hard to believe, isn't it? It was for me. But whatever, it just made me a bigger person -- as in fatter. I binge on sweets when I'm depressed.
Anyway, here's what you do: call your ex-boyfriend on the phone. When he answers, say:
"I don't ever want or need to talk to you again. I am just done. Leave me alone. Goodbye." (click)
I'm not trying to be a wise ass. Wait -- yes I am. But that's really the answer: the direct approach.
Guys are like stray cats -- if you feed them once, you'll never get rid of them. Once a guy has a found a nice woman to take him in and clean him up and buy him better shoes, he's not all that willing to let go of her, even if he gets the ridiculous notion that he can do better elsewhere. He might even try, like a stray cat going to your neighbor's house instead of yours for a few days, but both guy and cat will return to what they know is good, i.e. you. Unfortunately for them, by then you've moved on.
So you must treat the guy as you would treat the cat. Sure, you can be nice at first if you like -- "Sorry, little fella, I'm all out of tuna" -- but it sounds like you've already done that and it didn't work.
Now you just have to be firm. Stamp your foot and say, "Get!" You might have to do it two or three times before it sinks in; both man and cat are stubborn, but before long they'll realize their meal ticket has no more punches left and they need to move on to some other sucker.
If that doesn't work, you can always get a new boyfriend and let him answer the next call, text, e-mail or visit from your ex, which is like greeting the returning stray cat at the door with your huge new cat-hating German Shepherd. That should do the trick once and for all.
Good luck.
Anyway, here's what you do: call your ex-boyfriend on the phone. When he answers, say:
"I don't ever want or need to talk to you again. I am just done. Leave me alone. Goodbye." (click)
I'm not trying to be a wise ass. Wait -- yes I am. But that's really the answer: the direct approach.
Guys are like stray cats -- if you feed them once, you'll never get rid of them. Once a guy has a found a nice woman to take him in and clean him up and buy him better shoes, he's not all that willing to let go of her, even if he gets the ridiculous notion that he can do better elsewhere. He might even try, like a stray cat going to your neighbor's house instead of yours for a few days, but both guy and cat will return to what they know is good, i.e. you. Unfortunately for them, by then you've moved on.
So you must treat the guy as you would treat the cat. Sure, you can be nice at first if you like -- "Sorry, little fella, I'm all out of tuna" -- but it sounds like you've already done that and it didn't work.
Now you just have to be firm. Stamp your foot and say, "Get!" You might have to do it two or three times before it sinks in; both man and cat are stubborn, but before long they'll realize their meal ticket has no more punches left and they need to move on to some other sucker.
If that doesn't work, you can always get a new boyfriend and let him answer the next call, text, e-mail or visit from your ex, which is like greeting the returning stray cat at the door with your huge new cat-hating German Shepherd. That should do the trick once and for all.
Good luck.
"Stamp your foot and say, 'Get!'" made me laugh. HA! :-)
Is there any reason to feel guilty after doing this? I recently used this approach on my ex. He insisted we shouldn't give up everything, i.e, the scraps of our friendship that made it through the break-up, but ultimately let me go and said I could talk to him whenever I am ready. I don't think I am a mean person, and furthermore I tend to pride myself on being a good friend. Doing this seemed harsh, while necessary for me, and now has me sorta torn.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel some regret for hurting someone, but if you know you can't be with the guy, no, you should not feel guilty. You did the right thing.
I think the feeling of relief will set in quickly despite my lingering remorse for the way things had to ultimately end. Thank you for responding!
I recently took this approach, and it took almost 3 years! Yep, 3 years. I would leave, and then he would contact me a couple days or weeks after via call or text. He always would ask, "WHY?" See, I always told him the "Why" when I left, but he never had anything to say when I walked out the door, or stepped out of the car. My reasoning was always sound, and I knew that things weren't right. Although, I loved him deeply, and still do.
In the end, I figured out that he wasn't for me. I was listening to his ups and downs, his successes and failures, his crazy nights out, his good and bad friends. He never had any supportive or funny responses for my life. I just couldn't take it anymore, so my fuse blew. I started being a "Jerk," and it disgusted me! I had to end it!
Unfortunately, we had a less than comfortable phone call the last time we spoke, so I decided to never answer his calls or texts again. After about 5 missed messages, and 5 missed calls, I sent him an email telling him my reasoning and to disappear from sight and sound. I haven't heard from him in over 1 week. We'll see if it lasts this time. He doesn't take "No" very easily, but it's my fault. I let him in before after saying, "No," but this time is different for me. Ladies, keep reminding yourself of "Why" you're doing this. "Why" he doesn't make you happy. That will keep you strong.
I recently took this approach, and it took almost 3 years! Yep, 3 years. I would leave, and then he would contact me a couple days or weeks after via call or text. He always would ask, "WHY?" See, I always told him the "Why" when I left, but he never had anything to say when I walked out the door, or stepped out of the car. My reasoning was always sound, and I knew that things weren't right. Although, I loved him deeply, and still do.
In the end, I figured out that he wasn't for me. I would listen to his ups and downs, his successes and failures, his crazy nights out, his good and bad friends. He never had any supportive or funny responses for my life. I just couldn't take it anymore, so my fuse blew. I started being a "Jerk," and it disgusted me to be evil! I had to end it!
Unfortunately, we had a less than comfortable phone call the last time we spoke, so I decided to never answer his calls or texts again. After about 5 missed messages, and 5 missed calls, I sent him an email telling him my reasoning and to disappear from sight and sound. I haven't heard from him in over 1 week. We'll see if it lasts this time. He doesn't take "No" very easily, but it's my fault. I let him in before after saying, "No," but this time is different for me. Ladies, keep reminding yourself of "Why" you're doing this. "Why" he doesn't make you happy. That will keep you strong.
Restraining order?
So, in summary, it looks like we'd all do better by just skipping the dude, and getting a big, cool dog.
I like it.
I agree. Tell him it's over and enforce it. Don't take calls, don't respond to texts or e-mails. And if you are tempted then block him on your phone and your e-mails. If you happen to bumb him to him somewhere just walk away or maybe run as fast as you can! No has to mean NO!
I completely agree with this. I tried to do things the nice way over and over so as to not hurt my ex. He just never understood it. Finally out of desperation I snapped and told him exactly that. to "JUST STOP!!". Its been about two months and no calls, stops at my house/ work, no letters in my car. It feels great!
Haha, I love this advice and the example.
The only thing I disagree with is calling him to tell him. Wait until HE calls YOU, and THEN tell him you don't want to speak to him. Initiating contact to break off contact makes little sense.
I just went through this EXACT same thing with my ex boyfriend. He used me for a year, to keep paying his bills and etc. I told him to LEAVE ME ALONE, but he would always call and text and email off the hook.
So i changed my number.
Problem solved.
I just went through this EXACT same thing with my ex boyfriend. He used me for a year, to keep paying his bills and etc. I told him to LEAVE ME ALONE, but he would always call and text and email off the hook.
So i changed my number.
Problem solved.