The answer isn't a bad one, but similar to what I wrote about stretch marks a couple of years ago.
Yes, there will be some men who are turned off by scars, but those are the kinds of guys you wouldn't want to date, anyway. Funny how that works. Men with depth and maturity will love you for the things that make you you--your heart, your mind, your soul and spirit--not what your skin looks like. Who among us is physically perfect, anyway? Besides me, I mean. (cough)
My first serious girlfriend in high school had burn scars over most of her body from a childhood accident. She only had a little on her neck and face, though, so I didn't even notice it at first when I was crushing on her from afar. When I started talking to her and working up the nerve to ask her out, I noticed the scars, of course, but it didn't matter; she was outgoing, funny, kind, and, perhaps most importantly, confident. The scars didn't seem like a big deal to her, so they weren't a big deal to me, either. By the time I saw more of her body and the worst of her scars, it was a non-issue. I loved her for who she was and how much she loved me, and scarred skin wasn't going to change that. She was my best friend, and it honestly wouldn't have mattered to me if she were purple and had two heads.
Take heart: there are men out there who will look past your scars and fall in love with the things that matter. Those are the kinds of men anyone would be better off dating, not just someone whose imperfections might be more obvious than others.
I know you would never choose to have scars, but since you do, you might try thinking of them as a great way of weeding out the riff-raff early on, a test of character, or, if you will, a punk-ass bitch filter. Can't handle the scars? Then you don't deserve my love, ya punk-ass bitch. The scars say hit the road, jack, because life's too short to waste on fools.
Again--take heart and have faith that there are deep and decent men out there.
Thanks for the question.
Seeing through the scars into the soul is the mark of a good man indeed. But the ones that don't find it attractive aren't necessarily bad people; they just don't find it attractive. Stay up on your game personality-wise and you'll attract all sorts of the right people.
I have a scar right on my face (right below and a little on my lower lip) from a dog bite when I was nine years old. It's a little lighter than my skin, and up close, it's definitely noticeable. I just don't bring it up, and no one has really asked me about it in many years, although I'm sure they notice.
My Mom was very upset when I got the scar because she said I'm scarred for life.
But just like anything else in life, it's what you make of it. If you don't make a big deal about it, then if he's a decent dude, he won't either!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't tell you how important your answer has been to my life.
I have a genetic condition where I bruise, get cut and scar severely and easily. I was always self conscious about them, but this makes me feel a bit better. THANK YOU!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My appendix ruptured when I was 15 (I'm now 21) and, unlike your average appendectomy, I have a large vertical scar about 5 inches long going from inside my naval down to my bikini line. I was self conscious at first, and still shy away from wearing a bikini or using just a sports bra when jogging. Because I'm so used to it I know its a little jarring to see for the first time. But you know what? This scar SAVED MY LIFE. So I have to love it. A guy has yet to see it ( I havent cashed in my v-card) But if its the reason I'm alive and standing here in front of you, whats not to love? Good luck!
I too have disfiguring scars, and I love the way you describe them as "punk ass bitch filters", because they really are. The kind of man you want is the kind of man who cares more about who you are than the body you inhabit! Confidence and being a good person are how you truly become sexy, anyways.
One of my scars wraps all the way around my torso - a thick, dark, raised scar from emergency hip and spine surgery (very bad car wreck) - and I still wear bikinis and strut my stuff because that scar is a symbol that I am a tough girl and my inner beauty is WAY more important than my outer beauty. No one has ever been disrespectful to me because of my appearance, and anybody who does disrespect me for it isn't worth my time!
My boyfriend thinks I'm gorgeous despite my having "seams" as I like to call them... I have asked him about them and he says he doesn't even notice them unless I point them out; he loves me for Me.
I have a very large Frankenstein scar on my neck. I had thyroid cancer and had my thyroid removed and the scar healed up badly. It literally looks like someone tried to behead me. And I LOVE IT! To me it symbolizes everything I have been through the last couple of years and the person that cancer has made me - which has turned out to be an even better version of myself than pre-cancer. Yes, people ask me about it all the time. But I don't let it bother me because I am proud of who I am. Plus, I know that if I say the word "cancer" to a guy and he starts to act weird then he's not the one for me.
I have a few scars from skin cancer that are not particularly disfiguring, but I find them as proof that people need to be more careful about skin damage from the sun and tanning beds. I've never tanned on purpose, and have still had cancer and I'm only 20. That wasn't the point of my comment though, what I was wanting to say, is just that these stories from other commenters here are really interesting and I just wanted to say how awesome all of you are! :)
Great answer, WA--as usual. No wonder you are my favorite (and have been from the start -- no offense, other GS guys, you're great too).
Love your humor and your wisdom and how you clearly love and respect women. There's a sweet man under that WA facade.
What ever happened with you and this girl? Or did you marry her?
No, we dated for about a year and then broke up, but remained friends throughout high school.
I think I would be hotter with a few scars, you know tougher and whatnot, then I could totally pull off the biker chic persona on role playing nights grrrrrrrrr!!
I bruise and scar really easily, as well as have some wicked scars on my chest and stomach from surgery as a kid.
I've never had anyone be legitimately freaked out by them. Curious, yes. Surprised, sure. But it's never been a turnoff, and I don't even mention them usually. I forget about them, as they've always been there.
Sweetie, he isn't dating your scar.
Your personality is going to far outlive your looks, and most men know that. Switch perspectives. If your guy had a disfiguring scar, would you love him any less? I think not.
Thank you WA for answering my question and I'm so grateful, not only for your answer but hearing comments from others as well. Now I don't feel like I'm the only person in the world who is going through this... I cannot thank you all enough for making me feel normal again and will definitely take everyone's advice... thank you all... thank you WA!!!!
well i.m glad to read some of these posts from brave women. I recently had 3 surgeries for hidradenitis, i have a 10 inch scar from one hip to the other and a large scar under both arms. I.m completely nervous to start dating agsin.....but i.m glad i.m healthier now.
:/ Still doubtful. I'm an olive skinned biracial girl with weird small dotty scars all over my tummy and buttocks from past outbreaks with body acne and hormonal imbalance. No one has ever said anything about my scars but they hinder my self esteem so badly that I've deicded to be celibate. It sucks cause I have an awesome body, round butt, tiny waist and perky D's.. but nothing can fade these scars and it's ruining my sex life. I just have bad skin, I bruise easily and hang onto scars for years.
Hello and good day.I am a 43 year old man who was in a fire 13 years ago and from the middle of my thighs down was blasted by the heat and gave me 3rd degree burns on 26% of me and another 10% for 2nd degree.I did have skin grafts and they healed pretty nicely.I don't have any problem with me or someone else's scars, but I too have remained celibate all these years.It's not that I believe noone could love me, it's only in my head that I can't get past the fact that if I did find someone I liked that when I tell them, which would be pretty early on, that that person would give a horrible look and I would get some excuse or other.I know that the right person wouldn't care but it's the looks from the others in front of them that would damage me even further.I have talked to a professional, but to no avail, I still see myself as some how not right for anyone anymore.I am glad to hear everyone talk about this and maybe someday hope to get back with some special lady, but not going to hold my breath.I wish the best to you all and live well.