Practice, practice, practice! And money? And asking nicely?

I'm pretty sure if you go to a few strip clubs with your guy and wave a hundred around, someone will be by to oblige you with an after-show deal soon enough. Then you'll get exactly what you've always dreamed of: awkward sex with a stranger who's only in it for the money.

OR, if you're serious about this whole "let's introduce some other sets of genitals into our relationship," may I recommend doing it with anyone other than a stripper? A friend? A neighbor? A big shot relationship blogger? All are less likely to be supporting three children, have a raging drug habit, or give you virulent crotchpox (except the blogger; he's got crotchpox the size of his drug habit).

In this day and age, there are even whole websites specifically for couples looking to "expand their horizons." Make up a profile and you'll have strange 'tang knocking on your e-door in no time. Some may be stranger than others, though, so be wary.

And as always, the standard precautions for this sort of endeavor should be observed:

--If you rope a friend into it, there's a good chance you're going to lose the friend or lose the relationship. Not for sure, but things tend to get complicated no matter how uncomplicated you imagined it to be going in.

--If you go for a stranger, make sure you're very confident that they aren't going to cut you and your boyfriend into small pieces and bury them under the porch of their house.

--Use protection. There's nothing more embarrassing than finishing your first threesome, slapping yourself in the forehead and going, "Oh man, the herpes. Probably should have brought up the herpes."

--Make sure you're on solid footing relationship-wise going in. I'm not positive monogamy is the natural state of human romantic entanglement, but things certainly seem to get more complicated and harder to maintain the more folks you invite to the party.

Really, only advanced couples should try their hand at "the bonus round," as we experts call it. After all, you wouldn't take one piano lesson, then immediately have sex with your instructor and another chick on top of a baby grand.

Not again, anyway. No, never again.