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How do you, an American, perceive arranged marriages? I grew up in an arranged marriage home in the US, but how do guys perceive that when they here about something like that?

A portion of guys in America will react to your arranged marriage home in the exact same way you suspect. They will scoff at it; call it archaic, backwoods, third world Cuckoo-ness. They will say it's unromantic, persecutory and wholly unAmerican. "Without choice there is no love." For a moment, they will treat you like you're from another planet and in some small measure feel bad for or superior to you.

BUT, but, but there are other Americans who have a more expansive cultural and world view. They understand that you and your family, like they and theirs, are born into a going system -- societal norms and expectation. What's more, they will know that arranged marriages have statistically equal success rates to non-arranged and not be so quick to lash out at it.
 
Some men will take this information about you and use it as a springboard to explore your family differences and similarities. What was that like? Do they love each other? Who set them up? 

Now, Having said all that, there is one more important fact than all of this: it's the way you perceive it and share it that will dictate his response. If you bring it up as something embarrassing he'll pick up on that. If you bring it up as a simple fact, like, say, your mom having an accent or moving to this country in 1975, then it will be just that: One fact about you.

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4 Comments

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My grandparents are part of an arranged marriage. They've been married and in love for over 60 years :)

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My parents had an arranged marriage and good God- the home I grew up in! I wished my parents HAD divorced.

An arranged marriage is like drawing a lottery ticket. It comes down to coincidence and chance. If divorce rates are similar, it's because usually, in cultures where arranged marriages are practiced, 1) divorce is looked down upon, 2) the woman is expected to be subservient to the husband's commands, and/or 3) the woman has no means of supporting herself (usually a lack of education due to the culture or being married off young) and thus has to stay with her husband.

As far as perception - people shouldn't be judged for things beyond their control. Plain and simple.

However, I'm not bashing arranged marriages (though I obv do bash forced marriages). If you want it, go for it. Also, I am not suggesting that marriage preluded with dating ends up much more successful, but I have full faith that the chances of them making it are higher for obvious reasons.

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I see the comments go two ways, i grew up in a household where arranged marriage, choice. polygamy, and monogamy all exist and have thier merits. I've been arranged,( he was in love w/ a girl so I gave them my blessing and worked w/ him to break the agreement thou i had fallen for him) as have my many cousins( many successful, others less so). My parents married for love and compatibility and its a happy home, one grandmother chose her husband and the proceeded to divorce and choose seven more one after the other. other grandmother was arranged as a second wife to an Uzbek man. so yeah you get the point. i immigrated and it wasnt until living here for almost 16 years did anyone say any of this was odd.
I am as of yet free to make the choice to marry someone i find, or have my dad find someone for me. I'm still in college so I'll decide when I'm done. =)

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I grew up in the US in a polygamous community that practiced arranged marriages that I had to break away from. Ignorant people do try to pick at it occasionally, the trick is to smile at them and say "People do what they do," wish them well and move on. Genuine people, however, will show understanding, fascination, and kindness while still being comfortable that arranged marriage is not the way they live. It will just be where you came from. One thing to keep in mind is that everybody has an amazing story that only they know, feel free and comfortable to share yours with deserving people and people will bless you with their amazing stories.

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