You get over it by saying to yourself:
"The guy wasn't into me. It happens. It doesn't make him a bad guy or me a loser, and I'm not going let it define how I feel about myself. Not everyone is going to like me. Chemistry is an unpredictable thing. If a guy rejects me who doesn't even know me, how personally can I take it?
I'm not perfect, anyway. Everyone has traits that are likeable and unlikeable, and I'm working on my shortcomings. I know that I'm a good person with a lot to offer to the right guy. Unfortunately, this guy wasn't it, nor was I the right girl for him.
This isn't the first time I've been rejected, and it won't be the last. I might get shunned twenty more times before I meet someone who reciprocates my feelings. Rejection is a normal part of the dating process, and a fact of life for all of us, not just me. I won't waste another minute feeling sorry for myself, because I refuse to let other people, especially mere acquaintances, determine my self-worth.
No one said dating would be easy. Nothing worth having is easy. I'm hot shit, I'm tough, and I can handle this. My guy is out there somewhere. I just have to keep at it."
Then you brush the dirt off your ass and get back on the horse.
Thanks for the question.
another brilliant answer, Cary. and as far as the 100% rejection rate, EVERYBODY has that...until they don't.
Thanks, Chrissie.
Chocolate helps too. Lots of it. ...just sayin.
I'm not the asker, but I'm in the same situation. Even though I've tried to tell myself, "Get over it. Life happens. There'll be other chances," I never managed to convince myself. Somehow, reading your advice here typed out really helped. Thank you.
Thanks. Glad to help.
I'm 25 years old and have been rejected every time since I was eleven, by guys I barely know, acquaintances, and good friends alike. It doesn't seem to make a difference whether I pursue them or I wait to be pursued. Rejection might be a normal part of the dating process, but isn't it only supposed to be one part? I have great friends who love me so I am not a repulsive human being. There have been men who just wanted to use me for sex so perhaps I'm not altogether hideous either, but I have lost every ounce of optimism that I had. Maybe I am just not the right girl for anybody. I don't expect anyone here to jump through hoops trying to make me feel better. It's just something I can never admit out loud in real life. But maybe I'm just unloveable. There, I said it.
You are loveable, and you need to start believing that. People often read non-verbal cues we ourselves send out -- if you're lacking self-esteem and confidence, people will be able to see that. I think you seriously need to start believing in yourself, start taking personal inventory and highlighting all the great traits you possess and start making others aware of the fact that you know how wonderful you are. Listen -- people will always be attracted to others who are confident, who know who they are and know their own self-worth. The friends that you have that love you I'm sure have been able to see past all your insecurities and have gotten to know you at the core and know how extraordinary you are -- you just need to start embracing that and allowing yourself to shine so that all others can see it too.
Yeah...I know, easier said than done, right? True, but you've got to start somewhere and you definitely sound like you're beyond hurt about this. So, why not sit down and write it out if you have to -- all the awesome things that make you ...well YOU (and if you can't think of anything at first, ask your friends, that's what they're there for..). Once you start believing in the good things you have to offer the world, and especially a partner, trust me, you'll start weeding out the bad seeds from the good ones, and you'll refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve. Good luck.
Beautifully put, Abi, and great advice. Thank you.
Thanks Cary! (just hope it helps) :)
You need your own column, Abi. That was outstanding advice! LOVE IT!
You're still young. Whether or not you've found "Mr. Right" yet won't matter. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't give up. "Mr. Right" could be anywhere.
I once heard someone cope with rejection using a "pumpkin pie" analogy. Since ther is a fall nip in the air, this might be a good time to google it.
Basically it goes like this: Pumpkin pie may be delicious and sweet, but it's not for everybody. I am like pumpkin pie.
Maybe this thought works for me, because I don't care for pumpkin pie. :)
I still bake them every year because some people crave them!
Trust me, somebody will crave the pie you serve.
Interesting and insightful analogy.
But if nobody ever liked pumpkin pie, pumpkin pie might think it was just not good enough for anybody...
The OP:
You say you've got grat friends that love you. And that you've met en who were interested in you sexually. Ergo: you have both the things necessary that it takes to have a relationship. You just haven't met the guy where these two thinggs happen simultaneously. That's not bad. Look around you. People a lot less interesting than you got it going. There is no reason that you should be so special that there's NO ONE out there for you. Sometimes it takes time. Go places where you can meet real guys (not the clubs), do stuff that you like that makes you feel good and happy, and be warm and open for life's possibilites. And the right one for you will come. But usually when you least expect it. Live your life the way you want! Good things come when you believe you deserve it. So start believing! Meditate, be good to your psyche and your body, and support yourself instead of bringing yourself down. It'll all be good, I promise.
I've found that the key is to NOT look for a relationship. When you aren't looking, you eventually just meet someone and get that 'feeling' about them. In other words, I wouldn't go nuts on dating websites or out clubbing. Let your friends and family know that you are ready to meet a good guy (just in case they know someone that is 'perfect' for you), and let the Universe do its magic. You are only 25. You are SO young! Please don't waste your energy feeling too crushed about this. Focus on your job, your hobbies, your education, and when the time is just right, it will happen! Just don't have sex too soon. That way, if it doesn't work out, you won't feel so bad about things. Best of luck!