If your boyfriend is more interested in you sexually/emotionally than smoking, any one of the below should do the trick:
1) Threaten to break up with him and mean it.
2) Cigarettes equal no sex.
3) As long as he smokes do not speak to him--at all.
All harsh, but effective. If he can stomach any of the above than he's not that into you anyway and you may as well move on, and let him succumb to whatever horrible disease he will acquire as the result of his smoking.
Quitting is something he has to want for himself. You can't do it for him, he has to want it. Sadly I have seen people actually chose something as filthy as smoking over their loved ones... Quitting that habit, is just that difficult.
I say be supportive. Tell him you love him and want him around for a long time. He can contact support groups, there are places he can go to get him started on patches or gum. But like I said... He has to want to .
Good luck :( thats a tough one.
My experience echoes what Vee said -- good luck with 'making' him. I was married to a guy who wouldn't/couldn't quit, no matter what I said. Turns out there was nothing I could have said to make him do it -- he had to decide for himself. Which he did, after his mom died of lung disease.
Nagging did nothing but cause bad juju between us, even though it drove me insane that he wouldn't quit. He actually tried three times but it didn't stick until he decided for himself that he had to do it.
It's a tough situation.
It all depends on how your boyfriend feels about his smoking... my boyfriend quit smoking right when we started dating. A year later, he was back to it. I told him that his smoking was a deal breaker for me. He was shocked. I don't think he realized how seriously I felt about the subject.
I think he was angry about my ultimatum, but I was serious. So, take a look at your potential life together... if you absolutely cannot tolerate his smoking habit long term, be honest. Not nagging, but straight-forward. If you future matters to him, it will be an easy decision.
The one thing that my guy asked of me was to be supportive while he tried to quit. He said that if I got down on him for slipping up during the process, it would make things 10x worse for him. So, keep that in mind. Just know that you have the right to want a smoke free life.
Good luck.
UMMMM,I don't think this is rocket science! Smoking is an addiction!!It needs to be treated medically and with support.Ultimatums do not work! I smoked for 25 years,it took 8 attempts at quitting.My doc told me the average final number is 20!!! Educate yourselves about addiction,support and love your partner (as my husband did).I can proudly say after quitting 8 years ago I have run 9 marathons!Four of those marathons were Boston and I QUALIFIED each time!!!There is hope!
Cross posted from Facebook
Smoking CIGARETTES, right? I'd expect this answer if the boyfriend was smoking crack or meth... otherwise this answer is TERRIBLE... way over the top. Christ, lighten up (no pun intended). If she's that overly concerned that he smokes that it's a deal breaker, then she's a shallow twat and he's well rid of her!
Why is this a terrible answer? She asked HOW to get her boyfriend to stop smoking, not if she SHOULD. The lady has a right to choose whether or not she wants to date someone who smokes. Just because she wants him to quit doesn't make her a twat. In fact, someone smoking around you, and smelling constantly like a cigarette is more selfish, IMO.
Its not shallow to consider smoking a deal-breaker its intelligent and healthy. I myself could never date someone with such LOW critical thinking skills as not smoke. But also, new research has come out about 3RD hand smoke- which is the resideue left on things that have been smoked near, like curtians, clothing, etc.
I couldnt' date a smoker for the same reasons I couldn't date someone who enjoyed hitting their head with a brick... it's JUST SUCH AN INCREDIBLY STUPID THING TO DO.
For real this uhm Mystery Man should find another line of work.. Your advice blows
Uhm,
As a light smoker, I could (pretty) easily stop if I really wanted to. However, if a guy I was dating told me that it was him or the cigarettes I'd probably choose the cigarettes. NOT because I couldn't live without them, but because I don't think I could date a guy who thinks he can just mold me into his idea of perfection by giving me ultimatums. If I brush my teeth/chew gum after lighting up and don't smoke when he's right next to me, then it does not affect him at all, and so he has no say, I'm sorry.
Uhm,
As a light smoker, I could (pretty) easily stop if I really wanted to. However, if a guy I was dating told me that it was him or the cigarettes I'd probably choose the cigarettes. NOT because I couldn't live without them, but because I don't think I could date a guy who thinks he can just mold me into his idea of perfection by giving me ultimatums. If I brush my teeth/chew gum after lighting up and don't smoke when he's right next to me, then it does not affect him at all, and so he has no say, I'm sorry.
Smoking is a damn hard thing to quit. Even after the nicotine is out of your system, it's a mental thing. You've got to have something to keep you from going back, because every time you see somebody else smoking, or see someone on TV light up, you want one. Months, even years later.
For me, skateboarding keeps me from buying another pack. The difference between being able to skate for hours, or being out of breath within 10 minutes is what keeps me clean. I wouldn't have the willpower, otherwise.
As somebody said above, he's got to want it before it can ever work.
My bf doesn't smoke, but he does dip and on V-day I asked him if he would try and quit. He said he would, since then he has ALREADY backed down from a can of dip a day to one every two days. Still not great, but by encouraging him and being a support and letting him know that I am there for him and that I love him even if he does mess up. There were no threats or ultimatums. I just asked him very, very nicely. And seriously, no sex??? Ok I get that might be punishing him, but that would be punishing me too!!!!
My boyfriend just quit smoking after a 6 year habit. He was smoking one pack a day. I've always been disgusted with smokers but it wasn't a deal breaker when we started dating. He'd never really enjoyed the habit, and knew he wanted to quit but just couldn't. After promising me that he would quit January 1st and then not even taking the promise seriously I broke down in front of him and started crying. He has not touched a cigarette since because he said he had no idea it affected me so much. So yeah, if a guy loves you, he will do whatever he can to make you happy, so be honest with him.
yeah, i broke down too. But it was mostly because i just got so tired of it. everyone around me smokes and he tried to quit. I ended up finding out TWICE that he had been lying and hiding the fact that he was smoking. Even after I told him that I absolutely hate lying and people hiding things from me and to call me if he feels like smoking and that maybe I could help distract him. Finally, i talked to him about it and gave him an ultimatum about the lying and how it makes me feel. Also, about how the smoking makes me feel and how I love him and want to see him be healthy and happy.
I don't THINK he has lied to me about it and he smokes in front of me now which I think is better than being lied to. I haven't fully accepted the fact that he's a smoker, but I at least don't want him to smoke all the time. I don't want him to have to depend on them. I knew he smoked cigarettes when we started dating, but I wasn't really affected by it until later. It doesn't make it better that his good friend is a heavy smoker too. When his friend offers a smoke, my bf will accept it. It would be over 6 cigarettes in a night. So if I asked if he had a cigarette when he is hanging out with his friend, he'll say no and that he brought his electric cigarette. Of course i didn't believe him seeing as I know how he is when his friend is smoking with him. Honestly, I don't like his friend in general.
I'm not going to lie, I have smoked several times, but I'm not addicted. I have self control and most of the time the smell of a cigarette makes me nauseous. Therefore, living without cigarettes is perfect for me. I've thought about ending the relationship but I like him too much and I don't see what the point would be. My whole life, I've been around cigarettes. My mom smokes a pack a day, but she's trying to slowly cut back on to where she smokes one pack every two days and so on. My best friend smokes and so I do not see what the point is anymore.
I don't think he even wants to quit. He said that he does, but from what he told me it because it costs too much. Right now he is training to be a nurse and so from what it sounds like, he would be buying cigarettes all the time. I don't even think he cares about the health risk. I've told him everything. I've even tried telling him that (in a positive way, i tried) that no smoking equals more endurance in the bedroom. But no. He doesn't care at all.
Sorry, i just had to rant because I had been thinking about it all night tossing and turning.
If he was smoking when you two started dating, you have NO right to try to "make" him quit smoking. Decide to exclusively date nonsmokers in the future if it's such a big issue for you.
If he started smoking after you two started dating, he may be stressed -- and if he feels like he should quit, help him find help, but don't give him ultimatums like "It's the cigarettes or me!" ... that will just put undue pressure on him, and from my perspective it makes you look like a bitch.
my boyfriend knew i didnt approve of dipping or smoking. thats just something i dont want to deal with or be around. so he told me he had quit smoking but had to dip so the cravings wouldnt be so hard to deal with. then he told me he quit dipping. every weekend we spent basically day & night together and he never did it. so i just believed in him that he had finally quit. well one day i found a dip can in his pocked which was empty by the way. and he tried telling me that he cleaned out his truck, found it in there, & just forgot to throw it away, B.S! well he finally admitted it to me. but gosh it sucks he cant quit for me. i mean, i just wish he could do it and really stick to it. he promises me he is going to this time but its a tough sittuation :( good luck to the other girls out there with this same problem.
I have been harrassed with this crap before from my wife, to the degree that she has even got her Ex-Smoker parents to blinside me at family gatherings.
As far as I am concerned, it is an insidious form of abuse to deliver ultimatums like this. What happens when the partner quits smoking? Whats to stop the ultimatum giver from trying something more by saying "Lose the wieght or lose me..." or "If you dont start earning $200K a year I am walking".
Sounds pretty damn awful to me...