Like I like my coffee: scalding and delivered by a man in a paper hat out of a drive-thru window. With milk.
To be honest, this was probably meant to be a joke question (Mom, I told you to stop submitting questions!), but I'm going to take a minute here, as a public service, to say something deadly serious about blowjobs:
You are probably not very good at them.
I find that most women (or at least an unjustifiable majority) think that they are either good at giving blowjobs, or that there IS no "good at giving blowjobs," like there's no "good at drinking a glass of water." Both assumptions are false, unless you ARE good at giving blowjobs, in which case this doesn't apply to you and we should hang out more.
Without actually going into the minutia of the complex, technique-heavy blowjob routine I require of my wife, I am here to tell you that it is most certainly a skill, and one that you need to practice. In the words of Lewis Black, "it should be an Olympic sport, because it's harder than curling and if you're good at it you deserve a medal."
It's our fault really. I think there are a lot of guys who will silently wince through a lackluster (or, god forbid, toothy) blowjob for the sake of making the night go smoothly (or because we just met you and it would be presumptive). If you're in a committed relationship, ask your dude if there's anything you can do to improve. Chances are, he'll shed a single tear and whip out a list of "don'ts."
And while you're at it, give him a few pointers on how to go down on you; it's a real labyrinth down there.
"Worst drive-thru ever"- hee!
So I guess the sex-pizza metaphor ("when it's good etc.") doesn't extend to blowjobs?
And points for pointing out that most guys are as clueless about oral as girls (apparently) are.
Perfectly said. It's true,just ask and your man will shed a tear of joy. I asked and got an answer. I was told it's great #2 on da list. So being a female I asked how was #1 (not who) and I got an answer. I'm very open minded and asked so that I can be #1. I am a firm believer that if I'm his best friend and #1 in bed then why wonder. So do yourself n your relationship a favor and ask what you can do to be better. It will make things so much better. BUT NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, YOU Are NOT ALLOWED TO BE UPSET OR HOLD IT OVER HIS HEAD. You will ruin everything!!!!
Tips would still be helpful...
This guy is trying to be funny, but most men like me would tell you we never had a bad blowjob -- unless it didn't last long enough. The fact a girl cares enough to do that for me is a turn-on no matter how she does it.
The women I have been with all figured out what felt good for me -- and her -- by the reactions to whatever they did. It didn't take long for them to learn to be fantastic at it.
I've never had a bad blowjob -- unless it didn't last long enough.
Don't worry, girl, just do what comes natural and feels best to you -- it'll feel good to him, too.
Pay attention to his -- and your -- reactions to every move and it won't take long to get the hang of it for fantastic pleasure for both of you. GENTLY massaging his balls while working on the other end of his cock is a nice extra touch.
Along the way, maneuver into the 69 position and let him return the favor to you at the same time -- which is more difficult for men to learn considering the complexities of women. But don't hesitate to let him know when he's doing it right, or tell or show him where he needs to put his tounge and fingers...and maybe your vibrator, too. He'll be glad to learn how to do it because when he gets you off, he knows you will make it better for him, too.
ooopps...didn't mean to be repititious. I didn't think my first answer went through.
One thing I forgot in the tips list: Taking the whole thing into your throat is not necessary. If he's too big or your gag reflex is too sensitive, try just getting as much as you can in your mouth and swirling your tounge around and around over the head, and lubricate your hands with your saliva, grasp the shaft tightly and slide them up and down the part you cannot get into your mouth.
Inhale deeply with your lips sealed around it to create a suction that'll really feel great to him.
Sometimes you might want to discuss whether he should climax in your mouth or save it for your vagina, ass or hands. It might be a tough decision but there is no wrong answer for most guys. Tell him your preference.
Here's some suggestions from a guy who never thought he had a bad blowjob -- unless it didn't last long enough.
Just do what comes natural. If it feels good to you, he'll like it too -- and love you for the effort, no matter what you do.
If he's too big, or your gag reflex is too sensitive, just take in what you can and try swirling your tounge around the head. Use your saliva to lubricate the rest of his shaft, then grasp it fairly tightly with one hand and slide it up and down.
With the other hand, GENTLY massage his testicles (and maybe sometimes GENTLY suck them into your mouth) and stimulate the area between his nuts and anus (some guys like a lubricated finger being inserted just a little inside it but you'll have to experiment to see if he is one of those).
If you're in bed, maneuver around to a 69 position so he can return the favor to you at the same time. Since you girls are more complicated, you need to let him know when he's doing it just like you like it, or show or tell him where you want him to put his tounge...and fingers...and maybe a vibrator for an extra added attraction.
Somewhere along the way you might want to discuss whether he should climax in your mouth...your vagina...your ass...or your hands. For most guys there is no wrong answer to that one, but you should tell him your preference.
Just pay close attention to his and your reactions to everything and it won't take long to learn how to give a fantastic blowjob.
once again, I don't know why my earlier attempts to post a comment on this did not show up on my computer screen until I submitted this last one. What am I doing wrong, Guyspeak?
So when you do ask if there is anything you can do to make it better and the guy says no does that mean you are good at it???
As Swaim pointed out, keep your teeth out of it. No matter how happy I am that a girl cares enough to give me a blowjob, if the girl uses too much (basically any) tooth, I will stop proceedings in their tracks.
Oddly enough, I'm pretty damn decent at blowjobs, or so limericks written on bathroom walls have implied.
Ladies, I'm going to say this, and don't take this the wrong way. Never. Ignore. the Balls. Trust me, it'll stick in his mind long after the blowjob is over...and not in a bad way.
All I can say is this:
going down while turning your head one way and then turning it the other way when you are coming back up, quickly and repeatedly, while using one of your hands on the bottom of his shaft (gently twist your hand the opposite way that your head is turning) and the other hand on his balls will guarantee a happy man. I've heard quite a few "holy mother of god, yes"s and some deep throaty growl/moans.
I agree completely with Nataliesmommy. That's what I do, just based on a lot of articles I'd read, and I get the same incredible reaction she mentioned, and my guy recently admitted that he's had a lot of blow jobs, but never in his life has he experienced BJs as awesome as the ones I give. He always *seemed* wowed, but until he flat out said it like that, my insecurity always made me wonder if he was putting it on a little bit. I thought I was kind of making it up as I went along. I have to say, I feel pretty powerful now. lol All that to say, Nataliesmommy just gave you wonderful directions.
What a lovely day for a 4930466! SCK was here
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