We get questions like this all the time. "How can I politely tell my guy _________ without him getting annoyed/angry/feelings hurt/etc.?"
You can't. You can't control how people will react. If a guy's gonna get mad, he's gonna get mad. Sure, if you're a dick about it and yell at him, he'll be pissed and rightfully so. But if you make your request with kindness and tact and he still reacts negatively, that's on him. What else can you do? Some people will react badly no matter how much you sugarcoat a request; you could ask it in Italian while going down on them as they eat a warm Krispy Kreme donut and they would still be angry. How much time and emotional energy must we spend tiptoeing around people like that? Why do we bother when it doesn't work anyway?
I understand the need to tailor the message to the receiver, especially a sensitive receiver, but at what point does the burden of avoiding unpleasantness pass from us to them? I believe it passes once we've asked what we need to ask as gently as we know how, taking into consideration the person's particular insecurities and hot buttons and avoiding anything we know for certain will set them off. I say your job is done at that point, and whatever happens after that is up to them.
If you're looking for specifics, I would tell your guy that you love how he wants to keep in touch all day, how communicative he is, how much you love hearing from him, but that you just don't have time to answer every text. You wish you did, but you don't. The end. If he gets mopey, he gets mopey--that's his decision (and it is a decision whether we admit it or not). He's an adult and makes his own choices. Your obligation is done.
I say let him mope. It's a manipulation, and I bet it will stop once you reject ownership of his reactions to reasonable requests.
Thanks for the question.
This is a wonderful answer. I sometimes have to say things to my boyfriend...I try to put them delicately and he still gets mopey! EXACTLY! Thanks, Wise-Ass, this is great advice. Sometimes there IS only so much you can do. Besides, he'll get over it eventually.
Thank you, boop.
Well done, Cary! Bravo!
Thanks, Daisy.
yeah, awesome answer. it's all in communication and presentation. if my bf says or does something that irks me even a bit, i just say sweetie, i always think that your advice/help/texts, (whatever it is) are awesome, but what you just said made me sad/upset/grumpy. almost 100% he gets a deer in the headlights look and says "well how do we fix THAT" and away we go. and he follows suit if it's my thing that needs to be addressed. Cary's right, you can only create your own experience, his is up to him.
great answer, except:
now I want a hot krispy kreme and someone to go down on me. :)
Yes i love the logic you guys have. us girls' problem is we use all emotion. if u take out the ("oh how we he feel...?!) OR (" i'll feel so bad if i....") you'll realize how simple it really is..... so if u stop for a minute and stop thinking about everyones feelings and use reason and logic, u can literally solve any problem that culd come up. Im a very kindhearted and caring person so this doesnt mean u dont care about peoples feelings at all! But if its something thats reasonable and either you or your man (who should definately not be emotional) want to sit and get all butthurt about it then they can sit there and be a baby. but part of being mature is accept it whether it sucks and move on.