You don't tell him. Sheesh. You SHOW him. I'm a big believer that how a person kisses is more or less how they're going to have sex. I can learn alot from a woman by how she sucks face -- her rhythms, aggressiveness, and tenderness. Does she bite? Nibble? Gently suckle lips, or touch my face? Is her tongue used to tease and stroke, or does it stampede into my mouth? See... women can be pretty lousy kissers too.
If you want someone to respond to what you want, you first have to show them how you want it. And this doesn't need to be self-esteem withering. Nobody likes to be stopped mid-saliva swap and critiqued. It takes a little patience, tact, and humor, but the only way you can make someone a better kisser is to demonstrate to them what a great kisser can be. How a kiss can pop a champagne cork in your guts, light your nerves like birthday candles, and make your thighs sticky. Lots of people underestimate, or are ignorant about, the power of a disciplined, sloppy, passionate kiss with just enough tongue and just enough hunger. I've known women who could melt glaciers with their mouths.
Show, don't tell. You can do it. I believe in you.
I've tried leading by example, and going the, "It really turns me on when you kiss me like this" route, but neither seems to stop a bad kisser. They may alter their ways at first, but will inevitably relapse into their bad form. Ah well.
I've also tried showing him and so far its been...less than stellar. We're pretty good about communicating so when he flat out told me that he lacked experience, I said "That's okay. Lets play a game. I'll do to you what I like on me, and you do to me what you like on you."
My things worked on him but he really had trouble grasping the difference between slobbering on my neck and soft, breathy kisses that make my toes curl. He tried to reciprocate my ear lobe trick (which is a tried and true manuver on men, btw) but just seemed to fumble with it. He also had trouble remembering to support his weight on his forearms, not my chest. Without question, the biggest disappointment was that other than these mishaps, he didn't really do much at all. He just sort of sat back and enjoyed what I had to offer.
I guess I'll just have to keep trying and stay patient because I really like him. I'll also have to talk with him about shaving his face because I have never had such chapped lips in my life, good god.
Amen, meiggs about the earlobe trick....gets them all lol
wait whats the earlobe trick?
It's pretty easy and it's worked on every guy I've been with. It just involves sucking, licking, and lightly nibbling on his ear lobe.
In my experience, guys don't really change the way they're going to kiss even if you end up having to tell them what's up. I was seeing this guy and everything was great, until our first kiss. It started out well, but then he opened his mouth wider, his jaw popped, and he started to jam his tongue down my throat, it was like when a snake unhinges its jaw to eat its prey. I tried to 'lead by example' but he never changed. After we had been in the relationship awhile, I ended up having to tell him that he was a bad kisser. He told me that his ex-wife and all his previous girlfriends liked the way he kissed, and that I would have to deal with it or he could find someone else who would like his kisses.
"like when a snake unhinges its jaw to eat its prey"
oh.my.god. I just fell off my seat laughing.
As for the rest, he sounds like a bit of a prick so you're probably better off without him. It really says something about him that he couldn't take a little nudge in the right direction. As for his exes, I get the impression that while every woman has her preferences, being eaten alive by a man is definitely bad news bears. Either they were too shy to say something about it or they did, like you, and he just didn't care to listen.
I figured that was probably what happened, As soon as he gave me the ultimatum, I said bye. I did leave one part out of the story, we had just watched the movie 'The descent' with these crazy creepy carnivorous creatures, right before our first kiss. So, that just made it even worse.
Patients is a virtue when dealing with a bad kisser. It takes time to get them to kiss the way you want. If you think about it he's been kissing this way for years and thinks his technique is the best(Don't we all think we're just amazing?). So giving up in a week isn't going to do it.If this guy is the "bees-knees" in every other way I'm pretty sure you can handle being able to work with the kissing for awhile. Just slow him down if he's going to fast, put your hand on his neck and bring him closer when you want more.If he's trying to jam his tongue in your throat cut the guy a brake. Let him slip some in but back away.Then go back and you do it to him. Slowly and maybe a lot less drool. If he keeps going for the choke hold on your tonsils with his tongue back away a little again. BUT don't just back off and forget about it. Still kiss him just don't use the tongue.Then repeat everything. Eventually he'll start to pick up on your rhythms and start kissing the way you like. Like I said though this takes time, lot of time,but in the end it'll be worth it. :)
Positive reinforcement works the best..I am pretty vocal with what I like and dont mention what I don't. I will say I love it when you kiss me tenderly, or it turns me on when you kiss like this. You don't want to bruise his ego but just encourage it.
Almost every woman I have kissed told me they loved my kisses (etc) ... and then they came back for more, so I believed them :)
I'm always happy to hear what a woman wants -- and then get to work on my delivery :) ... My primary objective is always to give a girl the best experience I can manage -- and feedback only helps me do it better!
Giving is great!
(plus I love it when she reciprocates with enthusiasm!)
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