You don't. And why should you care anyway? No crime to be gay, and really none of your business.
Oh, this is another of the perpetual "He is ignoring me, he must be gay." questions, isn't it, that come in every single day and almost never get answered cause we are all totally sick of them.
Contrary to what you think, you are not totally irresitable to men. He is not gay, he simply doesn't like you.
As for why not, well maybe it's because you assume any problem is the other persons fault and not your own. Check over your own personality first, rather than blaming someone else.
Sheesh.
Geez, MM. You don't even know for sure if that's what the asker meant...I see your point and all, but still. A bit of a conclusion-jump, in my opinion.
No doubt. And kind of hateful, to boot.
Why else would you need to know or care if a guy is gay though?
I don't know, common curiosity maybe? Or perhaps to scope out whether a guy's gay or not before you waste your time persuing him?
if your dating him, and you're worried you are going to lose him...
I'm with MM on this one. I think it doesn't matter. Either way he's not into you (if he's gay, not into you, if he's straight but not interested, also not into you) -- so who cares?? Whether a gay guy is closeted or not (for whatever reason, as you say) -- doesn't matter. It's none of your business, and why would you be interested? Sure, if you're interested in the guy you would want to know, but I think there's this notion that if he's straight, you might have 'some chance'. Well, perhaps I sound jaded, but you don't... an uninterested man is just uninterested, straight or not. IF he decides to take interest later, for whatever reason, that's later. But right now if he's uninterested you don't have a chance, and take it as that... find out if he is and then deal with it accordingly.
Yeah, I'm with MM too. You can't "tell" if a guy is gay. There is being gay and there is being camp, and sometimes those two things happen in the same person, but that's the same with literally any other characteristic.
There aren't any pointers or hints or telltale signs. Even having gay sex doesn't mean that they're gay. Someone will tell you that they're gay or they won't. There is no way to be sure, and to be honest, like MM said, it's none of your frakking business anyway.
In fact, the only way it's your business is if it's your partner and there are other things going on, like a lack of sex or an increase in the gay porn budget, but even that might have nothing to do with sexuality but curiosity or stress or something else.
Like MM, I'm similarly sick of people playing the "but I'm so amazingly wonderfully attractive that it must be that they're gay" card. If you need to lie to yourself like that to make yourself feel better then you have issues with both self esteem and superiority. It bugs me just as much as the "oh, they're not really gay, they just haven't met me yet" thing. Argh.
But the question asker never said anything about said person being into them or not, and certainly didn't say a word about being so amazingly attractive. In fact, they said very few words at all.
True. But it's still nothing to do with her. It's not the sort of question you need to ask of people. Either she's considering or is dating this guy, in which case asking him outright is the way to go, or she's thinking he's gay because he's not into her, which is arrogant and ridiculous. I can't think of any other reason to ask this question...
Plus, there's still no way to tell if someone is gay. That's also what's bugging me about it.
I sure wish I could have told...I wasted 16 years married to a gay man determined to be straight so that he could have children. It wasn't til I married him that I realized he controlled everything like he controlled his sexuality. If his life didn't look perfect, then people couldn't be envious, which was his ultimate goal. I sure wish he had been honest from the beginning.
Simple, all you need to do is stalk him, knock him out with chloroform, tie him up with duct tape, attach blood-flow monitors to his wang and then force him to watch gay and straight porn and compare his level of arousal. Easy enough, just make sure he isn't into bondage though, 'cuz that'll totally throw off your results.
Or you could just ask him, but where's the fun in that?
awesome fricken answer!! LOL
awesome fricken answer!! LOL
Uhh or she could be dating a guy she might suspect is gay. I know I've been there and it SUCKS to fall for a guy then have him say "oh by the way, forget us being a couple for the past four months. I like men."
Just saying.
He could be sending her mixed signals, for instance he could be one of those guys who is very openly stereotypically gay but is maybe flirting with her and has told her he's into her. I mean that would confuse anyone. I have known men who I would have sworn were gay and yet were straight. Whether this is just an "act" or whether they just haven't realised it who knows! I used to work with a guy (who i knew was gay before I started to work there) and he pulled me aside in the office one day in a frenzy and made me swear not to tell anyone at work he was gay. We worked in a very male dominant environment and he was 'acting' straight in the workplace because he felt people wouldn't take him seriously professionally if they knew he was gay. It's kinda sad really. However, if you're in a relationship with someone and you suspect that they are gay then yes you need to know. I'm not sure how you would find out.... asking your boyfriend if he's gay? eek.. i don't know if I'd go there, unless i had some serious evidence.
Camp and gay are different things. There are plenty of men who are camp without being gay and vice versa.
There is no "stereotypically gay" way to behave, only a media-perpetuated link of homosexuality with campness. Some gay people ARE camp and flamboyant, but one thing is not linked with the other. If it confuses you, then you need to broaden your mind and listen to what people are telling you. If they say they like men, then that's probably the thing to pay attention to. ^_^
MM, you're right in what you say, but your tone was WAY too harsh... Not only did u make the person asking sound like a clingy idiot, you also speak for the other guys in saying they hate our questions?? Not cool. Honesty does not condone being a douche. How about you take some tea or whatever before answering these...?
He didn't say that he hated readers' questions--if you read his countless answers to other good questions it's clear the (and the others) give a lot of well-thought out, honest answers to those who write in. This question just doesn't deserve it.
Tea wouldn't change anything, when the cup is drained it will still be a stupid question.
I think "hateful" and "douche" are strong words for the columnist here, given this question "comes in every single day". most women are here because of their relationship issues, it would stand to reason she is asking this question because this particular guy is on her radar for a relationship, and she's wondering if he's in the same boat. I didn't read that he thought she was a clingy idiot, MM shoots pretty straight, I think if he thought she was a clingy idiot he would have actually said so. He's right, it's none of her business..unless she already is in a relationship with himm which, I doubt she is or she wouldn't be here. the whole movie "He's Just Not That Into You" is based on the lies we tell ourselves as women to justify to ourselves why men don't like us. He's not calling you because he's gay, or his mom is in the hospital, or his grandma just died, or he's been in an accident, or his phone ran out of battery for 21 days straight, or because he's gay, he's not calling you becauuuuuusse..he's just not that into you.
Okay, but here's the thing. If they get this question every day, you'd think there would be one MM could have answered that was a little more direct. You know, one that was all, "OKay so I lyke this guy but he dznt lyke me so is he a gay?!?" But this particular asker might have had different motives.
I'll give an example. In high school, I had a friend that I strongly suspected was gay. He dated girls occasionally, but never seemed into it or very happy. People always accused him of being gay, and he denied it. But eventually he came out of the closet, and was much happier because of it. I always wondered, just, well, because. The way he was acting just didn't really add up.
Was it anybody's business? No, it wasn't. But it's only natural to be curious about such things. I really don't think the asker had any malicious intent.
If the OP thinks the guy she is dating is gay - go with your instincts and move on...
If you don't mind me asking, Mystery, I see this question all the time on this site, and each time so many of the guys say how sick they are of hearing this question.
So then why does it keep getting answered? I'm a little surprised that you chose it to answer since it happens so much. And you've alluded before that you dislike answering questions that have already been responded to by one of the others. I just can't see a difference between this and all of the other "Is he gay" questions on here.
I don't mean that as a rude, whiny "answer my question instead" sort of way. I'm just genuinely curious why this question keeps getting answered on here when both readers and the guys here agree how old it is. Bad batch of questions to choose from for the day? Again, not trying to be rude, I actually mean that literally!
Well, about once every couple of months, we get bored with seeing the same variants on this question and try to lay this thing to rest. It never works, but it is worth a try once in a while.
We all have different ways of going about it, but we also all talk to each other about questions too. Personally, I ignore the "is he gay" questions until I lose my temper.
Then you get an answer like above.
And no, you are not rude.
Maybe you guys should have an FAQ section so you don't have to constantly have this constantly popping up in your 'feed' and people re-asking it
re the situation where she might be dating a gay guy -- this is why homophobia is so pernicious!! I know someone whose gay uncle married a woman because of family pressure/closeted and the marriage is the most unhappy thing *ever*. On the most basic level, this is why we should fight for gay rights. Again I'm going OT -- but stigmatisation of homosexuals never benefited *anyone*. The homosexual individual feels pressure to act and he's never quite himself -- and the person he's dating to cover up gets hurt, etc.
I don't think any of the speakers here had malicious intent, and I don't think MM's answer indicated that the speaker had malicious intent. The tone reads as impatient, which would make sense if he kept getting the same question. The problem here is 'what ever reason' (outside of the terrible grammar) -- IF it had been a contextual thing where she suspects her bf/hubby is gay I do think it is likely she would've been more specific. *Likely* of course, who knows. But the 'whatever reason' suggests that she doesn't have a good *reason* to worry about his gay-ness (eg she's dating him/ attached/ engaged/ married) and is simply wondering why he might not be interested. This might not be the case, but it is highly understandable why MM might intuit that from her phrasing.
OR she could seriously just be curious. Don't try to tell me that you've never known a guy that seemed a little bit fruity and wondered, just for the sake of wondering, whether he was actually gay or not. I'm not saying that it's anyone else's business, but you can't blame someone for their curiosity. It's a human trait.
You made some excellent points. But, in reference to all of the comments here, there's a recurring trend all over this site of putting words into the asker's mouth. It's difficult, if not impossible, to give all the necessary details in a question with such a short character limit.
Curiosity is understandable. And if she's curious, she should ask. However, if she doesn't like what she hears, that's her problem and not his.
There is literally no other way to tell if someone is gay. That's the point!
I'm going through a similar situation where I work with a guy that we have been flirting with for over 3 months now and he drives me nuts he's very metro type has guy friends that are married but when he's drunk he kinda has some gay charactertistics which I can tell I have gay guy friends and love em to bits
But this one has kissed my neck before and said his parents would love me and that makes him scared, and been all over me in public but never has the power to close the deal and on txt we have inuendos about sexual stuff...but his past he claims he's only been with 2 grls and he's always the friend to girls and is shy when it comes to making a move, but has way more girls as friends then guys~ and I've never had a guy not interesting in sleeping with me right away, the whole situation is weird~ he claims I'm different and has thought about being more with me...but doesn't know what to do about it
And I've told him well you could ask me out on a date
He lives with a grl roomie, so he could have invited me over for sex if he wanted it~ I've pretty much exchanged words about how id be down
Then he always brings up whatever guy I'm dating or that situation
And so now I've told him recently I've given up on the idea of me a him a while ago because he never made a move fully, and he's picked that apart recently too, its just so odd like he doesn't know what he wants but then spends time with other grls as friends but never mentions dating any of em
Excuse me mystery man but to you it doesn't matter, the question was asked because it clearly matters to the person who is asking it otherwise they wouldn't have. You come off as if you were gay or some kind of gay activist. That's the problem with world now nobody is right but the ones who want to be right. Just like a gay person has his or her choice to what lifestyle they want to live others have a right to chose not to agree with it. No crime in that either. Answer the question or dont comment at all please.