You do like asking the difficult ones, don't you.
Most guys who seem to be a good and nice guy, are exactly what they seem. Good and nice guys. Yet, yes, there are predators out there.
There is no surefire way to know, but there is one good indication. If he argues with you, he's probably not a con. Not trying to argue you into something, but argues about silly things.
A genuinely good and nice guy won't defer his opinions to you on matters of taste or likes and dislikes.
A con artist, because he wants your trust for whatever reason, will only argue in situations that can be turned to his advantage.
What if you don’t argue? I really won’t argue over silly stuff, I don’t see the point. I’m not a Con either.
I look more for the guy’s actions. He can say anything he wants, but his actions speak volumes to me.
this is SUCH a good question. such an interesting answer. i've often wondered this myself sometimes. MANY times. unfortunately i've often come across the seemingly good ones whose actions can't even differentiate them, those are the best cons out there. as well the guy i'm dating sometimes says stuff like its hard to believe i'm actually one of the "good ones" and i totally get what he is saying, as i've often thought the very same thing about him as well. it's a very jaded world out there.
Not to mention that sometimes they don't even know they're not the good ones. They truly believe they're the victims, and then you believe it too, until lo and behold, something happens and you realize the truth. *sigh*
yeah that's so true. the really good ones have that victim thing down, knowing full well as the nurturers we just want to make it all go away. we get caught in the crossfires of someone who is a really good con. that's the word almost everyone i know, including my grandmother who never says a bad word about anyone, says about my ex h. the word "entitled" came to my mind when i read your comment.
Very few guys set out to be anything other than nice & good guys. The question is, is their version of "nice & good" the same as yours? One guy might think that being "nice & good" consists of showering you with compliments and gifts, but doesn't put too much stock in other aspects of what you might consider "nice & good" - he might not consider long term aspects of a relationship, or he might not value spirituality the same way you do...
Another guy might think of "nice & good" as consistently being there for you and holding firm to committment and being a good companion.... but doesn't place a huge emphasis on displays of affection and gift giving.
So I think the question is, what do you consider "nice & good"? What are your priorities? Really think about them, see if you can rank what's most important to you and THEN go out and start looking for guys.
I think this is a really thoughtful answer that a lot of people don't give much thought to. I know I don't really think much about "what do I consider a good guy" until I'm dating someone and realizing he's not it - and then of course I get upset with the guy and upset with myself for falling for another one that's not respecting me. Great advice, Neil - thank you.
That's easy. If he's a a true nice guy, you will put him in the friend zone. If he's not and he's just playing a part, you'll feel some level of attraction. Simple as that.
Remember:
Nice =
No
Inter-
Course,
Ever
There's a difference between being nice and being a total pushover. Lots of guys dont seem to realize this so instead of thinking it's them, they take the easy route and assume girls are only attracted to jerks. Its called MANNING UP and GROWING A PAIR.
Where did I say either one of those things? I didn't. You projected that.
My wife would not have married me I had be either compassionate or kind. This is a fact beyond dispute. Since you don't know my wife, never met my wife, you cannot say this is not true.
OH you have wife!!! One I'm SURE exists! Whoops, sorry. That means you can now speak for allll women. Carry on, asshole.
Oh wow, my ex-wife reads this site too...
i've never heard of your definition of "nice" either. but i also couldnt help but notice, are you bragging about the fact that all the women in your life are consulting with a predominantly male authored relationship column? it's a little weird that you know your ex wife reads this. you must be one of those nice guys, right?
lol that line about the ex-wife was sarcasm. You know, the stereotype that exes always say bad things about you. I actually have no idea if she really does and don't care.
I've never heard "that" definition before.