So why do you feel compelled to tell him now? Do you think he needs to know that so that going forward he can hopefully NOT have bad sex with the next woman? Since, I don't know, his esteem won't be bothered by that at all and it definitely won't lead to performance anxiety.
I kind of feel like if you didn't tell him that when you broke up, telling him after the fact will either come across as bitterness or evilness. It probably won't be received well and he might lash out at you.
I'm one of those people who feels like you let folks know the issues at the time of termination so as to possibly clear all air then. I recently had a chick write me a letter outlining, basically, our issues...but it's been months since we even last spoke. So what did I do with this letter? Read it and tossed it. It just seems spiteful.
So if you do decide to tell him - and I'm really not sure why you feel compelled to do so - just be prepared for whatever disbelief might come your way. I'm assuming you have no expectations of a "yeah, you're right. I was terrible and I apologize for that."
Godspeed.
I used to date a guy who, when we had sex, lasted for less than a minute. I kept holding out and holding out thinking it would get better because he was a really nice guy and I had fancied the pants off him for ages. In the end I had to let him go, I think I told him that I wasn't ready for a commitment and thats were things were heading with us and it would be best to just call it a day. I don't think its very polite to tell someone they are crap at sex. Infact it's a just a bit cruel. There is a fine line between being honest and being hurtful. Keep it to yourself. He doesn't need to feel any worse.
If you don't talk about sex when you ARE in the relationship, there is no chance that he'll get any better!! That's why you have to communicate, if you don't, you might end up breaking up with a very nice guy who could only get better.... :P
The one time I sacked a guy for being bad in the sack was because he was also a total douche set in his ways. He was over 30 and the sex was the most selfish thing ever. Everything he did was for his own pleasure. My vadge might as well have been his hand. I was so pissed off. Since he also had an annoying attitude and a "me only" kind of mindset I didn't see the point in teaching him. Also being over 30 had a lot to do with. I felt he was waaaaay to old to be acting like that sexually.
I didn't speak to him for a week and then he emailed me asking how I was and if anything was wrong. In my reply I let him have it. I was still pissed as fuck. Called him a selfish asshole and that sex with him was nauseating. I was so pissed that he was that age, claimed to have been in 3 long term relationships and yet had sex like that. I asked how the fuck his exes had put up with that kind of bullshit for so long or was it just me. He didn't write back, good riddance to that fucktard.
For me, bad sex is selfish sex. Sex where you are only concerned for your own damn pleasure and not for the other person as well. This goes for gays as well, I know there are some selfish assholes in that community as well. I know of a guy who would only be blown but wouldn't blow anyone else. He quickly built up a bad rap. Selfish lovers should have their sexuality revoked. I'm that pissed.
Sorry for the rant but this one hit a nerve. I am so cool with inexperience. That's just fine. If there's a willingness to learn and a willingness to please each other that's peachy. But selfishness will get you a kick in the ass. So if this guy was selfish, kick him. If it's inexperience, give him a break.