The dreaded question is "What the hell are we?"
Well, what the hell are you?
Serial Killers? Cyborgs? Sleeper cell agents? Awakened demons heralding the Apocalypse?
Or do you mean: are you my boyfriend? This is an important benchmark in any burgeoning relationship. It's as important as the first kiss, the first sleepover, and the dropping of the first "L" bomb. But you might not like what I'm about to write...
I think it's totally reasonable for two people to date for up to three months and not commit. If you've been dating more than three months, you have the right to ask where he thinks this is going, so you can plan accordingly. It's nobody's fault if you have divergent priorities, but you shouldn't have to waste anymore time than you is absolutely necessary.
However, three months is a fair amount of time for two people to get to known each other, and decide whether they want to commit. Three months of hanging out shows you're both fundamentally compatible. You can spend time together. There's chemistry. A solid emotional and physical foundation exists between you two. And the next step would be to build a relationship on that foundation.
Three months is a reasonable amount of time to wait before insisting on an answer to that dreaded question.
I agree. Three months sounds reasonable. I think to many people are just trying to find someone to be with, no matter what. Relationships that are started without getting to know the other person don't last.
Ehhh if I have to worry about asking that question then its NOT a good sign. It usually signals that I've got a guy who's afraid of commitment or is on the fence about me, not good!. In which case I start dating someone else on the side like he probably is, cause hey, we're not committed. THEN when that new guy on the side decides that he likes me in a month or sooner and I like him... I dump the first guy who's like suddenly "oh by the way i want you" and I'm like, "you snooze you lose". ....If its ambiguous how a guy feels about you and its past 2 months then I think he's commitment phobe... and all rational ladies know to run to the hills from those.
Okay I don't have an issue waiting three months. Let me also say I am not looking to "just be with someone" What if the guy is dropping hints? It seems like we are both tip toeing around this.. Usually I am straight forward, articulate, and not shy about what I am trying to convey. But with him I dont want to rush or make him feel like I am putting him on the spot. I think the best thing is to wait and let him make the first move....
I agree that three months is reasonable, in some instances, to ask whether you are officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but I think that if you are having sex with this guy you have every right to ask "what the hell are we?" or at the very least just the right to know you are exclusive. My guess is that in the three months that you're dating, you'll probably be having sex. Sex changes the situation, and with the risk of pregnancy and STDs, you have the right to make sure your guy isn't sleeping with other girls.
it's relative though. one of my best friends considers anybody who she's been seeing for three weeks, is her boyfriend. on the other hand, my other bff takes it slower, and it goes anywhere from 4 to 6 months before he knows how he feels about the woman he's seeing, and what he wants from her.
it's all relative. the three months thing, i think is only applicable for DeVore-Girlfriend-hopefuls. you should have the talk whenever you feel the stars and planets are alligned just so between you two. i.e. feel it out and trust your instincts. just asking that question means you feel it's a little too early for you to have that convo. it's not like an expiry date (which even those you can fudge a little :D), you have to take it case by case.
I would stop dating a guy who took 6 months to want me to be his girlfriend. I'd feel like he was dragging his feet with me. I For me, its like I dont ever want someone who isnt as enthusiastic about being with me as I am about them. If a guy tells me he isnt looking for something serious I look elsewhere (also for the reason that guys throw that line out so they can have sex without commitment). If a guy is so relaxed that it takes him HALF a YEAR to figure out he likes me then thats a sign that is isnt very interested. Why bother pursuing that? Its like, at a certain point, much earlier than 6 months. you know what someones like. After you have that info, the rest of the time is just commitment phobia--- and I detest "realtionship feet draggers' (my word for those boys).
I don't think there's a standard time lapse. I don't think it's about time at all. Ask a question when you want to know the answer. That's what questions are for. If you are genuinely confused and don't know where you stand with someone, it is okay to ask them. If you are asking only to pressure them into "committing" to some sort of relationship-label (like "boyfriend" or "steady" or "fuck-buddy"), then that doesn't count as genuinely wanting to know. If you know where they stand, you don't need to ask. But it's important to know, at any date (well, maybe not the first date. Give the guy some time to get to know you first).
well what if u been friend with the guy for over a year before u started hanging out romantically??? do u have to wait 3 months to have that convo even if u guys know each other already???
bull