You are the reason men are afraid of commitment. All you're asking for is an engagement? All you're asking for is a promise of a lifetime of love and devotion? If my wife had said anything like this to me while we were dating, I think my genitals would have pulled up into my body and my ring finger would have fallen off.
Sure, guys are often slow to commit, in large part because we have a strong biological urge to impregnate as many women as possible. What? It's for the good of the species! The species. You want us to go extinct or what?!
Okay, sorry, that was a little defensive. Where was I? Oh, right. Women, on the other hand, have an equally strong biological urge to provide for the safety and security of themselves and their possible future children.
They often try to do so by forming a long-term commitment with a man, which, quite frankly, is giving us a lot more credit than we deserve in terms of our ability to provide stability and/or security.
Call it simplistic sexism or reductionist psychology (or some other term we learned in Anthro in college), but by and large, these ancient urges seem to still hold a lot of sway over the way men and women act in relationships (especially the younger set).
I guess my point is, you probably know this, so there's no excuse for not understanding and rising above it. Squeezing an engagement out of the first guy you can is almost certainly going to end badly for both of you. I'm not telling you to let a guy jerk you around or string you out, but stop thinking about it as a race to the finish line and start thinking about it as something you're building towards.
As long as your relationship is growing and flourishing, as long as you're moving forward together, you're on the right track. Don't get bogged down in labels, milestones or what other people might be up to in their relationships, or you're bound to be disappointed.
And NEVER ask a guy you're dating this question, unless you want to break up with him instantaneously.
I'm a photographer and last summer, I took a position as a studio manager and 2nd shooter for a wedding photographer. I see this, sadly, often. I can just look at the couples and pretty much know whether or not it's going to last. Men all too often get walked into the studio by the hand, sort of faltering behind a little, eyes glazed over and the woman (girl) is all "aglow". It's sad, frankly, because they're obviously not ready.
Patience can be difficult but try to remind yourself of this everyday; It's a bout the journey - not the destination. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy your sweetheart. Live your life ... it's more attractive to men if you do.
Great answer, Swaim!
Michael, you're... you're married?
(*crush*)
I... I think I have something in my eye...
Just a total shot in the dark, question asker do you by any chance belong to the Mormon faith?
Funny Guy, I usually think your answers are right on, but I think telling her to wait and enjoy the ride does her a disservice. I was with a guy for 4 years, spending 1.5 of those engaged. I pressured him to get engaged but dumped him when I realized he was stringing me along. Obviously, this girl and her bf have completely different timelines or, quite probably, he does not want to marry her. One very hard lesson I had to learn was that if you have to ask a guy to propose to you, he doesn't want to marry you or he would have done it already. I think she should cut her losses, figure out who she is and that she is worth more than waiting around for some guy. I hope this helps.