Wow. Kind of impatient, aren't we?
But since we're being impatient, what the hell, let's answer the question. So how soon?
I'd say a solid year or so after the first date, assuming that, ya know, subsequent dates actually happened. If I was dating you and on the second date you threw out marriage (to me) and started planning our family and we weren't playing the board game Life, I might be spooked enough to conveniently add a DNA to your number in my cell phone. Oh and I'd attempt to avoid you at every possible opportunity even going so far as to tell you that I've joined the Occult and am closed for business.
You see, you're like a Ford Explorer without the break fluid. Your barreling into the future with somebody who may or may not have divulged to you their last name. Look, I realize that with some people, you just know. I've heard plenty of people say that they knew they were going to marry their spouse from the moment they met them. And I think it sounds great but there's some significant selection bias there.
For one, those people actually DID get married, so they're not wrong. Point me to the folks who THOUGHT they'd marry some person off of the first encounter and ended up marrying some cat named Tad from Boise. Or single.
Oh and since I forgot to mention this part specifically, mentioning kids to a man you just met makes him think you might try to spike the sleeve. I'd be afraid to sleep with you if you start talking about future children in a dreamy fantastical state. Okay. Alright.
Look toots, the fact that you're seriously concerned about how soon you can mention marriage kind of implies to me that you get into relationships all willy nilly and jump to conclusions and take things too far too soon and probably end up hearing, "you're too available" from guys. And I'd always thought "you're too available" was an urban myth statement that folks throw around but have never heard.
I think you need to take a chill pill, relax, and enjoy living for the right now. And in case, I'm not clear...how about you wait until you reach an actual RELATIONSHIP milestone to before you mention things that would require you to be in an actual relationship to achieve.
It was written.
I've had friends who married six months into a relationship. I thought it was too soon then, and I was right. They divorced 5 months later.
I totally agree with Panama and would even go one step further and say three to six months after you move in together would be a good time to think about marriage.
Hmmm... my parents got engaged about four-five months into their relationship, got married in around a year... and are still truckin' it. Pretty young too... 22 and 25 around.
I'm not saying that's the usual, but it sometimes does end in a lasting marriage.
(Also... I already have the names of my kids picked out, and when I want to have my wedding. My roommate already has her dress picked out, and the colour scheme of hers. It's kind of common among women, isn't it? Obviously things do change when you actually get into a relationship, but it's fun to daydream! But starting to date a guy and like... melding your photos together to see what your future children would look like is pretty weird. That's not daydreaming, that's just being creepy!)
Here's a thought. Don't start trying to force a relationship into the 'married with kids' box at all. If it's going to happen, let it happen by itself. Enjoy your relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be. The moment you start trying to make things something they aren't is when everything starts to come apart.
Well said, Mannon. What in the world are you thinking, girl, telling him about you wedding and children fantasies right after the first date? You're sposed to keep those things in your mind/ in your girlfriend's minds ;-D
I completely agree! Do not rush it. I'm a girl and know for a fact you should be more worried if he calls you back or even attempts for another date. I know friends like you and even before anything takes off, they jump the gun with ideas of marriage. It all has to do with security on some level. The whole knowing you don't have to look anymore deal. Also I think it's a control thing too, for a woman, when she NEEDS to know if he is going to be her husband after one date.
Here is my advice: let go of the fantasy and just liv in reality for awhile. Don't worry about "the one" stuff, worry about getting past "date one" first...
After one date, asking that question is creepy and suggestive.
I think it depends if this woman is thinking about such things seriously, or just for fun. I've definitely already come up with names for my future children (Travis for a boy, and Zooey for a girl). For fun, of course.
However, I doubt she'd be asking you this question if she were playing the "what-if" game. In that case, i agree with everything you've said.
Hum, we assume she just met the guy because she mentionned first dates in the question. But maybe she just celebrated the anniversary of their first date. Who knows?
Of course, if she just met the guy (or haven't yet, even), I just agree with anything said above.
The future together talk can be scary for everyone.
I met a very nice guy last summer, who had broken up with a woman he was living with over 6 monthes before. He said he was looking for the woman of his life and that froze me up. I guess it was his way of saying "I'm not on the rebond anymore", but it felt like too much pressure (and for the reccord, I'm not a commitment phobic).
Unless of course you live in one of those crazy countries (or culture) where marriages are arranged and the two of you meet on the wedding day.
Have you ever seen that movie How to lose a Guy in 10 days...I think you should watch it that movie itself is my response...
think it depends if this woman is thinking about such things seriously, or just for fun. I've definitely already come up with names for my future children (Travis for a boy, and Zooey for a girl). For fun, of course.