There’s a difference between having insecurities and being insecure. It’s not just men who are turned off by insecure women. Insecure people are generally unattractive because they are ruled by their fears. They have surrendered to fear and love requires courage. I have tons of insecurities. I have a belly. I haaaate photographs of myself. I sometimes feel that my writing isn’t what it could be, and I worry that I’ll never be the man that my dad was. But I try to watch what I eat. I do my best not to look at the ridiculous photograph of me on this site. I keep writing and writing and let the work speak for itself — if people read it, they read it. If they don’t, then my only option is to keep on writing. My dad was a funny, honest, hard-working man who loved my mother up until the moment he died. Was he full of doubts and fears? Absolutely. Was he perfect? Not even a little bit. But courage is focusing on the high wire and ignoring the fall. I once asked a friend who was a construction worker if he was scared working on buildings ten or twenty stories up. He shrugged and said “As long as I don’t fall, I’m okay. And I don’t want to fall, so I don’t.”
Men aren’t turned off by insecure women, we’re turned off by women who choose their fears over their relationships. Men are full of insecurities too. I know plenty of women who are sick of their men taking their insecurities out on them. In fact, I have a male friend who will is obsessed over his receding hair line. He’ll mock guys with less hair than him. He’ll wear silly hats all the time and after a few beers, ask me if he looks like he’s balding. I’m polite, so I enable his self-deception. But what I just want to say is “Dude, shave your head and shut up.” It’s like he’s held hostage by his fears. His insecurities have nothing to do with his hair. He’s afraid of not being attractive to the opposite sex. Which makes his insecurity about his hair even more galling: he has an amazingly hot girlfriend who adores him.
It’s healthy to express vulnerability. But the best way to express vulnerability is to be brave. Fear can’t hurt you. Fear can only convince you to hurt yourself. Tell him how you feel. I’d argue that a person who can’t excuse you your human weakness is someone who can’t deal with their own emotions, and is therefore not ready for a relationship. Tell him once. Give him a sip of your insecurities, so he knows what they taste like. But don’t drench him with a fire hose.