What are you, a mime? You should be looking for a new career, not trying to get oral sex.
You could try sign language -- if you know it, that is. And if he can read it. If not, there's always layman's sign-language, which is you pointing at him and then pointing at your crotch. (This is also known as Jersey Foreplay.) But that sort of gesture can be misinterpreted, and he might think you are calling him a p*ssy, which leads to much bigger problems.
How about semaphore? Got any flags? What about smoke signals? Charades? Skywriting?
Yeah, yeah, okay, I know what you're asking. You want him to take the initiative and just go for it, but he hasn't. Now you want to give him a little nudge. But telling is telling, whether it's a nudge or a hint or an outright request, so why don't you stop waiting for him to be a mind-reader and tell the guy what you want?
Sure, it would be nice if he'd just do it, especially since I'm betting you've already done it to him. You are right to be concerned and annoyed. But life and people are both imperfect, and communication is rarely a bad thing. There could be any number of reasons why he hasn't gone for it yet -- selfishness, sure, but also insecurity, inexperience or general cluelessness about sex and women. Whatever the reason, I doubt anything will change until you talk to him about it.
Be bold. Be candid. Be explicit. Tell the boy what you want. And then tell him exactly how you want it. Good sex requires communication, and there's nothing wrong with asking for what you want. If you tell him and he still won't do it, then you might have a problem. But until you level with him, the obstacle is you.
Right on. Most of what we've been taught is inaccurate at best, I would rather have direction than look like I'm inept.
So you are comfortable enough to want him to do it, but not to ask for it? Here is a tip, get him naked lay him on his back and sit on his face, if he doesn't take the hint I say ditch him lol.
I dont think any lady SHOULD have to ask for it in return. If i gave a guy blow jobs then he better return the favor, or he's getting the boot if we've had sex 3 times and he didnt reciprocate. You can tell him you like to be eaten out, but ultimately that's not going to change the fact that he doesn't care enough about your pleasure to reciprocate. Actually, I dumped one guy for being a selfish lover- he didnt give me oral (but he was selfish everywhere else too, so it wasnt the only thing).
If he had some reason why he's incapable that's something that HE should communicate. Oral sex is a basic thing. If he's not doing something else like kissing my neck then of course I'd hint or whatever, but not for oral!
I have the opposite problem.. my bf has recently been going down on me pretty much every time we fool around and I am not a huge fan.. once in while, it can be hot but it's becoming predictable and down right annoying.. especially because I can not climax from it. How can I hint that it doesn't do anything for me without injuring his ego? Or should I continue to let him stay down there? It's truly not just him, I've never gotten much pleasure out of it.
Can't you tell your guy exactly what you just wrote? That you appreciate the effort and he's great at it and all but it's never done much for you? You shouldn't be forced to sit through something that is uncomfortable or awkward for you. I know it's hard (and equally uncomfortable and awkward) to bring up, but like Cary said, you gotta build both your sexual and emotional relationship on communication. If he's going to put his ego ahead of your needs and get all pouty/passive aggressive/whatever about it, is he really worth your time? Besides, if you communicate that it's the act itself, not how he does it, that just doesn't work, you're way less likely to hurt his feelings. I know a lot of women feel that way about oral -- myself included.
what rosebud said, not to mention its a lot of work on his part to do it, so save him some neck & tongue strain and let him know. Make sure you dont do it right in the moment though. Next time he starts going down, pull him back up and take charge, later if you guys discuss how awesome it was that you took charge, you can fill him in on the fact that you dont mind giving oral, but receiving doesnt do much for you.
"JERSEY FOREPLAY" FTW!!!!!!!
ha ha ha! Great answer. Good lovers aren't born, they're made.
Excellent answer. Yes, just TALK to him!
"semaphore" AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh golly! That was funny. I'm rolling here!
Usually guys find it out when you tell them what you want.... Give him a crazy hot kiss and then wisper in his ear " i want you to eat me out"... He'll get the hint!
I think you're beyond hinting at that point.
"Mime!" AAHaaAAHAHAaaaa! I wonder... WWMMD? (What Would Marcel Marceau Do?)
I agree with the commenter above - just about anything whispered in the ear could be considered hot.
"Wash your junk. It stinks." That's probably one of those exceptions.
Really? Hmmm.. I'd better refine my technique then.
I agree with Cary's answer, if for no other reason than communication is good!
But to give an actual nonverbal answer:
Shave(wax, whatever works), clean up real nice, apply a dab of something vanilla flavor to your inner thigh (or any other food smell you know he likes), get both of you naked, lay him down and move into the 69 position (that would be your face his krotch, his face your krotch) and go at him.
If he don't get the hint from that, then you're gonna have to break the silence.
Why waste time hinting when you can just ask for what you want?
Also, receiving oral and 69 are two different things. I've known women who were fine with the former but not the latter. She should be able to focus on her own pleasure without necessarily having to worry about his.
That's true... but I actually get more "excited" in 69. It gets me hot when I know he's getting off....
Oh I agree whole heartedly. Asking is the best method. Just thought I'd toss something nonverbal out there. :)
I liked it. The vanilla was a nice touch.
I liked "krotch". Seems appropriate
Doh, I'm usually good at catching typos before hitting submit!
I liked "krotch". Seems appropriate.
I'm sorry but the vanilla just cracked me up. All I think of when I hear someone putting a "dab of vanilla" anywhere is Granny Clampett splashing it on to "get her a man." Granny Clampett, oral sex, I do NOT like where this is going mentally. Now I'm going to have to see a pig slaughtered to get that image out of my head.
Great advice though, Cary. I agree that being direct is the way to go but that can be difficult for some women. That would be a pretty personal rejection if you ask and he refuses.
RGR, have I told you yet this week that I adore you?
If you have to ask you just need to dump him. Serious, there are women who have to ask? Serious?
Great answer and these comments are to die for! Here's my amazing input:
1) I could never utter the words "eat me out", only because I hate that expression. That's just me.
2) I'm also not a big fan; I'd rather get down to business. But I don't punish my husband for it, I'm still a giver.
3) "Apply a dab of something vanilla" made me laugh really hard, only because all I can think about is corned beef and George Costanza.
Having to ask for something you really want always sucks. Flowers, a "date" (you will have to ask for this once you've been together long enough), compliments, etc. Sometimes you just gotta remind a guy. Like Cary said, they aren't mind readers. You could sweeten the deal by saying "Hey - if you do me, I'll do you". Maybe that will give him a little more initiative. Word to the wise though - withholding sex does not make a man go "Oh, she hasn't gone down on me in a month now...it must be because I never go down on her." Don't play games - just tell him what you want!
Having to ask for something you really want always sucks. Flowers, a "date" (you will have to ask for this once you've been together long enough), compliments, etc. Sometimes you just gotta remind a guy. Like Cary said, they aren't mind readers. You could sweeten the deal by saying "Hey - if you do me, I'll do you". Maybe that will give him a little more initiative. Word to the wise though - withholding sex does not make a man go "Oh, she hasn't gone down on me in a month now...it must be because I never go down on her." Don't play games - just tell him what you want!
First, make sure there's no "stink in your pink" due to infection or lack of bathing. There's antibiotics for the first and a warm, wet, clean washcloth for the second. Every female has her own scent, which (being a hetero female, I've been told) is attractive to most guys, but there's a fine line between "intriguing" and "disgusting". Hair holds moisture, bacteria, etc. so keep it trimmed. Wash with soap and water each day; and before intimacy. Just like guys' spunk has different flavors (and I know whereof I speak), so do women's girly parts. If you then feel that there is nothing offensive down there, and he still won't accommodate, dump him. For sure, he'd dump you if you said "Ewww! I don't do 'that' ", well, return the favor (flavor??). Heck, you can run your fingers down there, and if the odor grosses YOU out..well, then, there's your answer.
Somehow, it always seems blow jobs are a normal part of a sexual relationship and expected, but when it comes to playing the skin flute, whoa, back up the sex train...that's exOTIC right there, Penelope...
Having said that, it IS trickier (and with a much more narrow window of happiness) to go downtown on a lady than a man. With a guy, the target's pretty obvious...hell, it's STARING right at you, isn't it. With girls, though...man, one overly muscular flip of the tongue, and he's ousted to the downstairs sofa with a package of Ring Dings and some wretched late-night telly for company.
So the stakes are a bit higher for us lady folk. It just means we ladies need to be more patient and not be afraid to speak up when he's just left of center...
When you're making out, and things are moving along nicely start pushing his head down towards your crotch. If he resists, continue pushing his head down, if he doesn't get the hint, eventually he'll give in and do it anyway to prove he loves you. ;)
Or you could start a casual discussion about sex, start by telling him what he does that you like, and then tell him what else you would like him to do. "I really like it when you kiss my neck. I also like oral sex, we haven't explored that together, yet."
I'm going to go with Margaret - check yourself, then ask. It's rough, but true, lots of guys are not fans of fluff. It goes up the nose, gets stuck in the back of the throat, wraps itself around the tongue - if a clean shave (wax) is not your scene, trim it. I miss my fluff, but I like oral. My guy says it's a food thing (he was a chef), it has to look appetizing. If it's covered in fur, he can't see it.
Once you are confident that there should be no excuses - ask. If he's hesitant, tell him that you'll let him know how he's doing. Be confident. (Which means being vocal - no way around it). If he pulls the "I don't do that" BS kick him to the curb.
Cary, I am shocked, SHOCKED that you neglected to mention the aldis lamp. It's perfect for nighttime intimate moments, and if he can read Morse code, he's golden.
Dudes can be pretty thick. The woman who became my wife had to tell me three times in plain English that she wanted me and was through with her old BF. At the end, I was still thinking "If I play my cards right, I could be holding hands with her soon".
"Morse code" *giggling, giggling*
I hit the "like" button for Cary's article and all of your comments. Hilarious. I think she may just have a case of the jitters when it comes to asking for what she wants. A lot of girls have this problem, and it's sad really. Men sure don't mind trying to get in our pants every 5 minutes, so go for it.. You're giving him the time of day to get in your pants he better be thankin' ya!
I think the best thing is to be straight forward and confident. When I had an issue with a guy who would not reciprocate, one time, after I'd gone down on him and came back up, simple smiled and said, "Your turn." Turns out the only reason he hadn't gone down there was that he had NO IDEA what to do. He just needed to be guided. Also, my current boyfriend gets SO turned on when I tell him that I want him to go down there, or I say that, "I want your mouth." It's a huge turn on for guys when you take a little bit of initiative. So just go for it girl! This is not something that you should spend your sex life without!
"This is not something that you should spend your sex life without!"
AMEN TO THAT!
One thing I can say is that my gentleman friend is that he's always asking me what I want him to do to me and, believe me, he loves it when I tell him what turns me on. I ask him the same things because I get joy out of pleasing him.
Communication is key. Yeah, sure ... sometimes it might be a little awkward to say some things for fear of sounding silly however, mens' ears only seem to perk up on certain key words anyway, so don't fret it - take the risk - it's not an English class. Nor is it a judgment. A man wants to learn the women they're trying to satisfy. Men can be rather insecure underneath their cloaks of confidence and sometimes just need a little verbal inspiration.
Besides - it's all just really, REALLY hot.
If he thinks it is "dirty" in terms of filthy dirt, not dirty minded. Take a shower togetrher. And wash each other thoughly. Then go down on him, and then let him go down on you.
I have suffered many many months of no-oral, while he was getting it. I was putting together the thought that he was a really selfish-lover. I finally brought it up and bascally stated "you're rejecting me"...going on to explain how he was ignoring my needs. He confessed that he'd never done it before...gotten close a couple of times and the smell turned him off. Thus I explained to him that I would be a different experience...
Communication is a must! He felt like sh%^ that I had been so upset over it...he had no clue about women's sexual needs.
If it were socially acceptable, I'd tell you to ensconce yourself in Velvet; it feels just like the real thing...
What a lovely day for a 313537! SCK was here