Is not wanting to give blowjobs a deal-breaker? Not necessarily. It really depends on the guy.
For some it's a deal-breaker, sure. Others might not care. You'll find both kinds of guys out there, but I think more of them will want oral in a relationship. For most guys, it's a vital part of the overall girlfriend experience. Your unwillingness to do it might make a guy wonder what else will be off-limits in the sack as your relationship grows.
On the other hand, no one should have to do any sexual act with which she isn't comfortable, and no partner should try to make you do so.
We get that giving head is probably not the most pleasant thing in the world to do. We know that plenty of our girlfriends and wives don't particularly enjoy it. Some do it anyway because the goofy faces we make while receiving it tell them how great it must feel, and they like making us feel that great. I can't say I understand why you would feel humiliated by it, but you certainly aren't alone.
Like any difference of opinion, be it blow jobs or furniture or where to eat, it boils down to how badly one of you wants a thing versus how badly the other doesn't want it (or want to provide it). Successful relationships are built on compromise. No one should have to do anything she hates, but not doing it might mean sacrificing something you like in return. Like receiving oral.
For some it's a deal-breaker, sure. Others might not care. You'll find both kinds of guys out there, but I think more of them will want oral in a relationship. For most guys, it's a vital part of the overall girlfriend experience. Your unwillingness to do it might make a guy wonder what else will be off-limits in the sack as your relationship grows.
On the other hand, no one should have to do any sexual act with which she isn't comfortable, and no partner should try to make you do so.
We get that giving head is probably not the most pleasant thing in the world to do. We know that plenty of our girlfriends and wives don't particularly enjoy it. Some do it anyway because the goofy faces we make while receiving it tell them how great it must feel, and they like making us feel that great. I can't say I understand why you would feel humiliated by it, but you certainly aren't alone.
Like any difference of opinion, be it blow jobs or furniture or where to eat, it boils down to how badly one of you wants a thing versus how badly the other doesn't want it (or want to provide it). Successful relationships are built on compromise. No one should have to do anything she hates, but not doing it might mean sacrificing something you like in return. Like receiving oral.
Good answer Cary! I can't imagine why someone would hate doing this for someone they cared about. If you don't like giving oral, fake it. Pretend to like it. I dated someone who wouldn't do it and it made me feel horrible, as if I was the one with the problem.
It wasn't me, he had the problem.
aw, i dont think thats the way to go. if you feel humiliated by an act, ignoring it is never going to work. unless you can be firm and communicative about what you like or dont like, that shit just festers. its one thing to be really clear about disliking blow jobs and then come to an agreement about when theyre ok and when theyre not, but its totally unfair to tell her to pretend that she likes it. thats a terrible way to be in a relationship. it almost certainly spells unhappiness and serious passive aggression. communication wins and not everyone is compatible sexually.
I was repeatedly and brutally orally raped as a teenager. Tell me, Spitfire: Should I "fake it"?
I'd rather have an appendectomy without anesthetic than ever, ever let a man's penis anywhere near my face again. Don't like it? There's the door.
He obviously wasn't included damaged goods in his comment. I suggest you get over it, you're not the only one in life who's experienced trauma. If you were raped vaginally would you never have sex again? I didn't think so. I'd be more sympathetic if you weren't so emo; people who dwell in their own self pity make me sick.
Hey asshole, just because she was raped, doesn't make her damaged goods. Where do you get off? If someone isn't comfortable doing something sexual then why should they do it at all? and why should they have to fake to make the other person happy?? Personally I wouldnt want my partner faking, because if they fake that, what else do they fake?? I can just imagine how many women have faked with you!! Probably all of them.
I was raped in college, vaginally, and you know what, I DID have sex again. BUT the next time it was MY CHOICE, and I waited over a year before I was near anyone. I waited until I was comfortable, and bgm, if you don't feel comfortable having oral sex, then dont you dare feel pressured by assholes like Liam Murphy into making you think there is something wrong with you and that you're "damaged goods". If anything HE is damaged goods for thinking that girls have to fake pleasure so that he can get some poor soul to give him a boner and eat his sorry cud that probably tastes like brussel sprouts and poop. Dont worry, you have every right to be defensive, you arent loathing in your self pity, you have every right to feel how you feel, and dont let anyone ever let you think otherwise. I admire you for being so honest, because many rape victims like us are afraid to expose the fact we were raped in fear of being judged by the public. 1 in 3 women are raped on college campuses, I promise you that you aren't the only one. It took me a while to get comfortable having sex, even now sometimes I get scared or self consious, and its been 5 years since i was raped, but its a healing process, and when you feel ready for whatever you want to do sexually you'll know. Dont let jerks get you down love
What happens if you're a person who has jaw issues? If my mouth is open for longer than ten seconds, it locks up. And things of certain sizes will definitely send that into overdrive. And it makes me sound like I am making up excuses, but I swear that I really have that issue.
you don't have to have your mouth on his "manhood" the whole time, mix it up by giving oral for a bit then giving a handjob for a bit and alternate. plus alternating between the two gives the guy two great sensations he will definitely enjoy.
ocnlvr83 - I'm sure any guy would understand if you had a doctor's note ;) But Eva is also kinda right. Depends on the guy, I guess. For me, hand jobs just don't do it. It could be that the hands in question aren't very experienced, but I also just don't enjoy the cold air after the warmth of a mouth.
Cary definitely got it right, though. I believe it was Katt Williams who explained that oral is important because it's fast. Not everyone always has time to romp in the nude for a while every time they get an urge, so oral is a nice, quick, convenient method of boner control. Also, it's only humiliating if you let it be. Seriously, I doubt any guy will judge you for it, especially if he's the one who asked for, and is now receiving, it.
"me, I have enough room in heart for both." How magnanimous of you.
As for saying it's humiliating. Forgive me adding a lot to your answer, Cary, but I feel compelled on this one. My guess is that the men she's done it to have not been particularly giving, loving guys. If the girl hates oral this much and she's also attaching the word humiliating to it, then my guess is that her experiences with it, and with the guys she's giving it to, have all been negative in a way that isn't just physical. There's a lack of emotional comfort level on her part. Because when you find a good man who respects you and you have that ease with, you want to give oral to him because you want to make him happy and in turn it also becomes fun and sexy for the woman as well.
So she needs to just do it (THAT I agree with), but trust that if she's doing it with the right guy, it will be good for both of them. She can get there. Just my opinion!
What happens if the girl vomits on him while doing it would you make her continue and say if she didn't that it was her fault. Or what if she has a habit of biting or grinding her teeth are you going to blame her. Listen here some people can handle while others mental and physically cannot. And I think if the guy like her enough and or loves her that he should either not have one until she's ready or if she doesn't want to then don't or get a sexual instrument " sex toy". And Sorry but I trying to help.
Wow, it sounds like you've had the worst experiences with oral sex imaginable. I'm so very sorry.
Wow! You should (not in order)
1. relax your tongue when it's in
2. If he is quite long, then place your hand gently around the shaft and create a 'stopping point' to not choke yourself when going down.
3. keep your mouth wet, moist, liquidy
5. relax.
6. breathe slowly and naturally through your nose
7. decide if you are gonna swallow or spit...
8. I should write a book
And if he says mean things to you, that's NOT part of th sex game...wipe your mouth off AND leave!
Any suggestions on how how to make him climax BEFORE 45minutes? Because that's the problem *I* have. If it took 5 minutes, GREAT! I would do it. But forty-effen-five?! I don't think so. (and btw the shortest it's ever taken me to get him off, was 15 and I was so tired that I was like "f-no we're not having sex now!")
Might be your lack of skills at giving oral if it's taking that long. Communicate with your partner on how to be better at it or watch porn or both.
"oral is a vital part of the overall girlfriend experience" Cary I couldn't agree with you more!!!
... wife experience is a different story however. OW!
"oral is a vital part of the overall girlfriend experience" Cary I couldn't agree with you more!!!
...the wife experience, however, is a different story. OW!
No one should have to do something they are uncomfortable with. That is why finding someone you are compatible with both in and out of bed is so important. If giving oral feels demeaning and humiliating to you and your guy REALLY wants it, perhaps you are not compatible with each other, and you need to be dating someone else. Or, perhaps you just don't know each other well enough yet to be comfortable with that level of intimacy.
Having said that, however, it is possible to become more comfortable with something as you practice it more. Most anything you do will seem awkward at first. Do you remember your very first kiss? It probably felt a little awkward just because you had not done it before, right? As you get more experience under your belt (Or should I say below the belt?), you may find that you enjoy giving oral as much as your man enjoys receiving it. With luck, he will be eager to return the favor as well.
In my opinion, sex at its best happens when two people are BOTH focused on making their PARTNER feel good. It is a real turn-on for me to see that something I am doing gives a man pleasure. Ideally, the reverse also holds true.
Oh, and goats are definitely off limits for me, but I'm just quirky like that. ;)
Great answer, C. I agree with Daisy and Melissa too; no one should do something that makes them uncomfortable and if performing a sex act makes you feel humiliated then you're doing it wrong... or with the wrong person.
What about BJs makes you feel humiliated and self-conscious? Do you think you're not good at them or look silly while doing them? I think most guys are just so giddy that someone is blowing them to care what you look like and I doubt there's such thing as a bad blowjob unless it is apparent that you're miserable while doing it. What a turn-off!
Giving a man oral sex should make you feel powerful, not weak. You are in charge and you are giving him pleasure and making him feel loved and wanted. You don't have to unhinge your jaw or act like a porn star, either, just take your time and try to enjoy the sensations. You might discover that you feel pretty good about yourself because you are capable of making your man lose control!
Oh, and if it's the inevitable climax that you don't like, talk to him beforehand and have him give you some warning.
I doubt there's such thing as a bad blowjob
Ohhhhh there is. Spit flowing out of my nose, and my own subsequent uncontrollable laughter led to a guy going behind my back and asking MY friend to teach me how to give a proper blowjob (the jerk!). I was a first timer... ...he did not receive anything after that except for a breakup.
Anyways, that's my humiliating (and hilarious) story, but it just goes to show that bad blowjobs exist and I have given one.
Ha ha! Ok, Jess, I stand corrected. That does sound pretty horrible for both of you. Recently I read a blog post about someone whose girlfriend accidentally barfed on him after he orgasmed, so I suppose that would also qualify as a bad bj as well. ;-)
"Was it good for--- oh. Never mind."
I had my hangups about this too but read Zane's book Dear G Spot helped open up my eyes to a lot of sexual anxities that I maybe have. Def good read!!!!
Great comments. Thanks.
I realize that oral is not for everyone, but I agree that no sex act should be humiliating (unless, of course, you want it to be). But if you and your partner are in agreement about what you do and don't do in the sack, then nothing else matters.
Oh, and there is definitely such a thing as a bad blow job.
I'm on the other side of the spectrum here. I enjoy giving orals as much as my boyfriends love receiving them! (And that's a lot to say). Instead of being humiliating, it actually makes me feel powerful in a way. It's a huge turn-on to see someone sooo out of his mind because of you.
You guys so Rock ;)
Actually I feel the same way as NOBJ McGee.
I've never given oral actually, but I know if I did I would feel that way. Hell imaging myself doing it just grosses me out. The idea of putting someone's pee stick where I eat just.. ew. EW
Luckily for me, I set my sights on a guy who thinks oral is a rather degrading and disgusting sexual act.
the true question is, do you like it when a guy performs cunnilingus?
if you do, then you should be willing to give what you get. i'ts no more humiliating for a man to enjoy a woman's nether-regions.
if you think it's repulsive, then you should bring this point to the light.
a decent man will be, in my position at least, confused, but will understand as the relationship progresses.
What about the guys who refuse to go down on a woman? You know, the guys that love "getting it", but don't like "giving it"?
They suck. Or, as the case may be, don't.
well, in this case, it simply isn't fair. a relationship is supposed to be give and take, so to speak. if either party is willing to take, but not give, and i don't mean this as simply in the bedroom (going to one family's for the holidays but not the other is a fine example), then it simply isn't a relationship. It's a dictatorship.
I'm not saying to leave your boyfriend, if that is where you were going with your question, but if he wont, you don't.
Well, I said I would never do that, and I have and do from time to time. I know some people think it is gross and others think it is wrong and there are many viewpoints, but I am willing to do anything for my husband. I do it for him and he does it for me. It is not humiliating or gross and I know I am not so good at it, but the more I do it, the better I get and just the fact that I do it makes him happy and it makes the sex better. I remember being in school and hearing about what a BJ was and thinking it was incredibly disgusting and couldn't imagine why anyone would do that. Hey, wasn't the idea of sex a little weird when you first learned what it was? But I like the way someone else compared it to a first kiss, it is awkward at first, but it gets easier with practice.
I was really the same way. I think this has more to do with your own negative body image than doing oral. As soon as I changed the way I looked at my body and stopped thinking that he's looking at me like I'm some porn starI got into it. Now I'm really into it. As in I like it.
Also, I watched this thing on HBO on how to give blow jobs the right way. Just hearing the moans coming out of guys is worth it.
I have recently been crowned queen of the blow jobs. Thank you, thank you.
Definitely not a deal breaker! Some guys must have this, others are OK without it. I think MOST guys would prefer to have it though. I don't give oral, nor do I receive, and I've never had problems keeping boyfriends (I think the not having to give oral to me sort of softens the blow of not getting oral themselves). You just need to find the right guy for you. Also, honesty early is good. That way you don't spend a year together and THEN find out it is a deal breaker... :-)
I didn't have a problem with a former gf telling me that she didn't like giving oral. Until she told me that I wasn't assertive enough because I didn't ask her for it.
"Sometimes, we do things we don't like for those we care for," she said.
Well, dammit, woman, if you care for me, don't make me ask for it!
To make matters worse, she wouldn't let me go down on her, either.
hahaha Frank did I date you???
That is totally how I feel! I never give oral because I've yet to date anyone assertive enough to ask for it, and be patient while I learned how to do it (we don't come out of the womb knowing how...). Women like to please, to make others happy. If you seem like you really want something and act like it makes you really happy (because maybe at first while she's learning it's not that great...) then she will be encouraged and want to do it more. I tried doing it once or twice with a couple different boyfriends, but I didn't get any feedback that made me want to do it again. It hurt my jaw, it felt icky, and they didn't seem to like it all that much, so why was I doing it? So, no BJs anymore.
i always hated giving oral. could not stand the thought of it! now with my hubby, i loove to do it. its one of my biggest turn ons. ill have a dream about it and of course have to wake him up in his favorite way. maybe it was the guys i was with, the real emotion wasnt there and they never really helped my confidence. but i fully trust and love him and enjoys it so much that i do too. and of course he reciprocates :)
I can understand her saying that she finds it humiliating and makes her self conscious. I had a boyfriend that had thinly veiled misogynistic views and talked about how much he like to watch me during a blow job and how the submissiveness turned him on. He mentioned this when he asked for head before I had ever given a blow job and after I had. It sorta made me feel self conscious and humiliated, even though he didn't say anything mean, or even realize it would bother me. In general I feel I get more respect and have more emotional security in my current relationship and that is why I love giving him head (except when my neck gets tired, etc) and its a major turn on for me. As with sex, the way you feel about the person and the relationship has a huge effect on the way you feel about giving head, or any other sexual act. I thought I hated giving blow jobs but it really had to do with the circumstances.
tip for lessening the humiliating aspect. Lie the dude on his back get his hands out of the way and turn the lights off. Then theres no, "on ur knees staring up into his eyes, spotlights on you" feel, and you might be more comfortable with it.
Actually, I'm gay, and I don't like receiving blow jobs, and I totally understand how it feels degrading. When I sit and think about it, you know, guy's grabbing your head, pushing your head down, then pulling it back up, then saying obscene things, it's very degrading. Most of the guys responding to this are straight, and have never went down on a guy so don't know how it feels. One person mentioned making him lie down and lay on his back. I so agree. Make it as if YOU are the one in control, and he is the helpless object of your sexual desire. Turn the tables, that's what I do! :D
If you don't like giving oral, just get married. I think there is an unwritten rule about wives not having to work to please the man anymore... haha.
that's not true! funny, but not true. I've been married 10 yrs and I enjoy giving now, if not more so, than when we were dating.
Am I the only one in this planet, who hate giving blowjob? And I also hate receiving oral!!!! I really love my boyfriend, that's why I let him made me do it for so long /one year/. It smelled, it was humiliating, it was disgusting. I hated it. And I'm the unluckiest girl in the world, because I can give him deepthroat. Or I don't know how to say it. I think you understand. So I can do it, but it hurts, it makes me vomitting, my throat is aching after this horrible thing. It is DISGUSTING. I really really hate it. I tried to commit suicide TWICE because I hate giving blowjobs and because my boyfriend almost wanted to end our relationship. He stopped me twice because I was holding a knife next to my hroat. I really meant it. What should do a girl in our world if she hates doing this? Kill herself, because there is no men on Earth who can live without receiving oral. I should travel or live to another planet, where blowjob doesn't exist. What the hell should I do? It's unfair. I cannot change my feelings about it. I've tried everything. He had a shower before this fucking thing, I waxed him, I did everything... Ok, some girls say that if you love him, you'll do it for him. I haven't loved a man like this before. I really love him, and I don't want to lose him because of this fucking blowjob. We've been living together for 1,5 years.. Every day I imagine killing myself. Because I could't live without him. And if this ended our relationship, then I'll commit suicide. It's not OK to thinking ALWAYS about this. I'll go mad. If I'm not mad yet. I don't know, but I'm getting closer and closer to the end. I'm really really hopeless. I wanted a family, children.. HELP!
What if you don't mind giving the blow job, you just don't want to ketch the seaman? I do not want that in my mouth.
It's a deal breaker! Look, if you don't like it there's women who do so why waste my time? in my experience it's usually the real pretty chicks who don't like it, they either think their looks make up for their lack of head giving (ya right, I'd leave Jessica Beil if she didn't suck it) or they think they are too good to do something perceived as "demeaning" and usually these chicks have no problem with receiving oral - ain't gonna happen. My advice to you ladies who don't like to do it or don't want to do it is straight up tell the guy from the get-go so he can bounce to a chick who will because eventually he's gonna go, either leave you completely or go get it somewhere else GUARANTEED. The guy who tells you it's not important and/or doesn't care for it is either #1 straight lying or #2 is so desperate that he's playing the part to stay with you but eventually he will leave or the outside chance that it's #3 that one guy in the universe who REALLY does not like it.
I'll say a prayer right now that I never find myself in any God-forsaken relationship with a man like the ones commenting to this post, one who'd actually consider ending a relationship with me because I wouldn't let his penis in my mouth. And if I do, I'll help the sonofabitch pack myself, and kindly advise him not to let the door hit him on the way out.
Read me, loud and clear: I will not be a participant in sexual acts I find disagreeable, for any reason, at any time. No self-respecting individual ever should. There are no circumstances under which this should be negotiable.
Period.
Well it depends on how old you are and how serious your relationship is. I would go out with a woman who didn't give oral but I would not get married to a woman who never did this. Have never been married yet but If I did I would not ever want to get divorced or cheat on her. I do not want to never get a blowjob ever again, I enjoy them and would crave them and be tempted to do things I don't want to do. I want to stay honest. I also would find it a bit of a blow to my self esteem like she didn't find me sexy or attractive. I also think it reasonable for people who are married or in long term relationships to ask their partners to do things for them as long as its not too one sided. I love giving oral as much as receiving if not more. But even outside of the sex would I want to marry someone who would respond to "honey would you help me with this or go do this with me" with a I don't feel like it and I only do things I feel like doing.
Good on you, then. If I were a woman who found giving oral sex demeaning/humiliating/painful/triggering/insert-negative-adjective-here - which I am - and were in a relationship with someone who couldn't or wouldn't deal with the fact that I wouldn't blow them - like you - then I wouldn't want you in my life to begin with. I'm glad you give them an out like that. I can't say I get how you would date someone who wouldn't give oral sex but wouldn't marry one (because why else would you date them if not for a primer to see if marriage were in the future?), but whatever - you and I clearly don't stand a shot in hell as a couple, so it's not my problem.
Communication is essential in a relationship. That's true. And if one partner finds him/herself unsatisfied, s/he should absolutely feel like it's okay to discuss alternate possibilities with their partner. We agree on that point. When partners mutually agree to try something, that's called communication and experimentation. When one partner tells the other that a given action MUST be performed on him/her or the relationship is over, it's called blackmail. And when s/he forces that action, it's called rape. That's the case no matter how old you are, and no matter how serious your relationship is.
Never getting oral sex again is not a "blow to [one's] self-esteem." No, a blow to one's self-esteem is bowing to the will of somebody who, judging by the comments of the men in this post, would drop your ass in two seconds flat if you didn't submit to their demands, in order to give them a few seconds - minutes, at most - of physical pleasure. So until you've scrubbed your skin till you bled because you felt so filthy, or contemplated killing yourself because you didn't think you could live with your actions, don't you DARE talk to me about a "blow to [your] self-esteem." You don't know the meaning of the term.
Wow, I'm profoundly relieved I'm not your girlfriend. Your comment makes you sound profoundly superficial and judgmental, not to mention a garden variety jerk. And if you're the status quo of men out there, I should probably just throw in the towel right now.
I have been married for 10 yrs and I love giving oral because like other women have said, it is a powerful feeling to see your man let down his guard and show his "O" face. And to know you were able to make his body tremble and rock his world. I don't think there is any humiliation involved. As long as you let them know your boundaries (if you're a spitter or swallower, if you deep throat or not, etc).
If he makes you feel humiliated, then stop and he's the one left "hanging" (pun intended).
Side note: I think it would be humiliating if he wants oral and he is not clean. Seriously, women do not like performing oral on a guy who's worked all day and not cleaned themselves. That's my only limits. :)
I was blackmailed into blowjobs by my exhusband, who said he would leave me if I don't do this. and I was young and did what he wanted me to do. the result of this is that I will hate doing them for the rest of my life. I was very young back then but now, if someone tells me I need to do this or the relationship is over then I would show them the door. blackmailing someone like this is the worst thing to do. it's really pathetic and disrespectful. the message clearly is one of lack of love. it's on the same level as saying you'll leave someone if they gain weight. which I have also heard from several guys, believe it or not.... what better way to tell someone you do not really love them as a person? oral sex should come naturally in the bedroom without much disussion, and it probably will come naturally if two people are passionate, compatible and in love. but psychological blackmailing is a nono and I recommend giving a guy like that the boot because he does not love you.
Wow. Just, wow. Looking through like, 95% of the comments on this, the outlook really does look bleak for women who don't like giving blowjobs. That's so sad. Like, miserably sad. I'm a guy, and I had literally NO idea they were that important to some people. Even the comments that aren't agreeing that it's a total dealbreaker, are just comments giving her suggestions about how she can feel better doing it. I don't see a single one that says it's okay not to.
Let me be the one, then. I've gotten blowjobs before, from a few different women. Some good, some bad. The good ones, I'd say, were pretty great, but if it came down to it I could easily do without. If you can't, then I think there's something wrong with you. If the woman I was with *really* didn't want to do it, I'd shrug my shoulders and be fine with it. I can't imagine acting any other way. Who cares? It's not like she finds sex disgusting, right? So get over it and get on to the good stuff. Blowjobs are just starters anyway, they are NOT that important. If you're really uncomfortable with it, then don't do it. If the guy wants to leave you for something so stupid as that, then he obviously doesn't give a damn about you and you're better off without
exactly! Whoever you are you made reading this while blog worthwhile. I hope there are more guys out there.
When I first started giving bjs to my first boyfriend, I loved doing it. It was new for both of us and there was no pressure involved.
I've been with my current boyfriend for a couple of years and lets just say the relationship started as sex. We loved it and couldn't get enough. Of all types. After time went by I just couldn't handle sex two times a day every day. It was too much. And now when I'm unavailable for sex (periods) he "needs" something to curb the desire. And it's always bjs. I give pretty good ones but I have to be in the mood. And because he asks ritualistically the same time every night it's like a chore that I really really don't want to do. 1) even when he showers he still smells down there 2) his pubic hair is too long and gets in the way 3) I feel it's a degrading chore 4) he's a little over weight so I'm losing my attaction for his body (mainly the middle area) and 5) it hurts my jaw after 15 seconds
If you do not like doing it then don't. most women don't like doing it anyway. I stayed true to myself. I told my husband straight from the start before I married him that i wont be doing all this. I made him sign a contract. Up to his day we've been married for 3 years now, no blow jobs, or anything kinky. we are sexually and emotionally happy.
The men that leaves if u disagree to give a Bj they don't Love you. They r with you to get laid. Don't do Bj just because u are afraid that he would leave u. he can smell a desperate woman and wont hesitate to take Full advantage of her.
Ladies if you don't want to give head then don't - that's your right. It's his right to search out a gf who will. Regardless he doesn't have a right to be a whiny little bitch about it - no is no - move on. But girls be forewarned, if you're looking for a husband or a long term relationship you are severely limiting the pool of men you have to choose from.
Reading this is depressing. I say i dont believe in god, but if he exists he probably doesn't hate me after all :P . i found an awesome boyfriend. he said he wants a blow job someday, i told him i wasn't ready yet, but he's ok with it :) ! even telling him maybe, MAYBE, in a year i might feel better and do it for him, and he was HAPPY. oh geez i feel so damn lucky xD !, not to make anyone feel jealous. but he told me he loves going down on me, and alot of the time i feel bad and try to stop him and he's like "No, i really like doing this trust me" and i tell him he doesn't have to but yeah. He's not like any of the whiny bitches on here saying "its a deal breaker", those guys are going to be old prunes. because when you let small things ruin your relationship, you probably will never have one.
Its not like a girl is a bitch for not wanting to put your pee tool in her mouth and wait for a nasty fluid to go in her mouth....Gross. but not all people enjoy tasting crotch. if you find a woman who does, good for you. but alot of girls, especially if their young, are not familiar with it, and probably find it gross.
And reading these comments makes me want to go out and find a nice hot lesbian ;) lol. these kinds of things also scare women into not wanting to do sexual things with men. We are told men are dogs. and before i was like maybe i was wrong. No, i certainly was not..... If you let the head between your legs control you than your stupid -___- . what will really happen if you dont have sex? will you die? no. will you kill yourself? only if your stupid.
Sex is really only for reproduction, once you reproduce then you do not need sex ever again! you dont even need to reproduce.
Ladies, if your dating a worthless pussy who says he'll break up for you if you dont do something, DUMP HIM. yeah i might sound mean, but those guys are ten times more mean than i am, actually 100,000,000X worst :P.
Tell him first hand things you like and dislike, if you say you dont want to give head and he gets mad, walk away and strut your stuff, its not hard for you to find another bad man lol xD !!! seriously.
Uh, men, if you want your lady to enjoy giving it to you, you need to BATHE thoroughly and often. Most of you aren't clean enough. You need to be clean enough to eat off of! Give yourself a little taste test if you aren't sure.
Honestly, I hate receiving blowjobs, don't know why, just do.
(no, I'm not gay)
I wonder if I'll meet a girl who doesn't like giving them....
I do have to laugh at some of these shallow comments from boths side of the debate.
I've been married for 25 years. I've had quite a few GF prior to marriage and most of them gave BJs. My wife did it here and there right before we married and immediately after. Unfortunately, years later she now claims that she's always hated it. Early in the marriage I wanted more than JUST MISSIONARY but never fussed much about it. I mean seriously folks, the same position, the same expectations.... it gets tiring and predictable. I'd go down on her like nothing. I wanted her to feel good and it made me feel good to be the person that is making her feel good. Unfortunately, she claims she hates oral; both giving and receiving.
Here it is over 25 years later and I have to say that if I knew back then what I have to deal with now I wonder if I'd still have married her. There's only so much of the same old same old thing that a person wants. There has to be changes offered. Sure I try other things like doggy style (which she always dislikes) but those two positions are the only tolerable things for her.
REALLY???!!!
Sure she'll go down on me once in awhile (and I do mean once in a while) but there's always a sigh or sarcastic remark associated.
WOW!! .... apparently, I'm not worth it but my crying about it is.... hhhmmm.... Yeah, it is a deal breaker but it's so much more than BJs. There are deeper issues that are result of the disdain for "GIVING YOURSELF" for your partner.
My current sex life is becoming more and more lifeless. I'm considering leaving because all I keep thinking about it cheating because I can't have it and deep intimacy from own freaking WIFE!!!
Yes, deal breaker!!
What's the point? Sex once in awhile that is ALWAYS initiated from me is not give and take.
Pray for me man because I can't handle the lack of intimacy. It eats aways at my brain like a worm.
Usually the quality of the relationship is based on the contribution of both partners. If your wife posted about your marriage what would she say? Do you accept that what she is unhappy about is as important as what your unhappiness?
When a woman does not give sexually it is not the sex as so many men think. It is understandable to feel it is all about sex if you are not getting any but it is not the sex at all it the problems in your relationship.
I don't do any extras with my husband of 10 yrs. he is non- communicative, and takes me for granted. He never indicates that he appreciates me and what I do for him and the family. His focus seems to be on how much sex he gets and positions and bj. I feel he married me for a ready made sex buddy who cooks and cleans. Why would I want to satify him sexually?
Maybe your concentration on sex as the problem cloads your vision as to what is really wrong. Look at your relationship first improve the quality and sex will improve. I know that if my husband was apprieciative I would feel sexually motivated. I lost my attraction to him when he began to take me for granted.
Yes Maria, that's extremely obvious which is why I've urged her for MANY YEARS to "work" on our marriage, work on communication, work on treating ALL family members with respect instead of trying to control everyone and everything. Her insecurities are blamed on me these days yet these are the very same insecurities she has carried with her from childhood. I understand YOU have similar issues and I can totally relate. What you're describing is my wife towards me. She doesn't share much of her life IE: self with me. I am highlighting the sex issue but of course I know it stems from much bigger issues most of which are well beyond my control. Believe me when I say I've attempted so many different approaches over the years that I've come to the conclusion that it just doesn't matter. I cannot change how she chooses to treat another person especially family members. My "concentration" on the topic is due to my inability to fulfill my self in that area! I have no choice but to look toward her as my supplier. Naturally, I will gravitate toward her. Unfortunately, my hand is being forced to look elsewhere for even just a little satisfaction. I'm very sorry to hear you're experiencing such distance from your spouse. There's nothing quite like living in the same house with someone that doesn't appreciate or respect your contributions especially toward the relationship!
Loneliness causes desperation which leads to temporary insanity - because it seems as though we're all willing to do whatever it takes to aleviate that longing and emptiness from loneliness.
Nunia I think you and are in the same boat except that his attitude turns me off. I evey men that their sex drive is so robust. I wish i could connect that would solve many issues and fights. But i just cant make myself go there very often. When i do i feel awful afterwards. He is happy though.
One thing I have tried that might work for you is that I have lost weight, go to the gym 1 hr 3 days a wk religiously, brought new clothes changed my hair style and get my nails done. I look good and he takes notice and if much more attentive. It sounds terrible but i feel it is too little too late.
For you, the changes (minus the nails) may make your wife take notice she may think she has competition it's worth a try.
Well, I do work out. I lift weights and have a 21 exercise sit up routine. I am a lead singer in a band so I guess you could say there exists the potential for competition. I've always dressed sort of middle of the road in between preppy and rock n. She's gravitated to me for fashion ideas and hair cut styles over the years. I think she looks freaking hot. In fact, she's received many compliments since she started asking me to assist her. My own mother saw her this one night over the summer and freaked out stating, "wow... she looks hot! I never knew she was so hot!"
I can see it in her. I just wished she would see it. I don't think my wife has a weight problem at all in my eyes. The only thing separting me from her is HER. I don't expect her to have the same drive as I've always had. But there comes a point in which it's just plain ridiculous, selfish, and lazy. It takes work to keep a relationship alive and I mean truly alive! Anyone can let the days go by and let ourselves get caught up in life's matters. I heard something today that caused me to realize something - have you heard of bearing fruit in the Christian sense? I asked myself, "what is fruit?" Then I realized bearing fruit doesn't just mean becoming "Holy" or something. Bearing fruit means the giving of yourself for another's growth or well-being and such. So it is within a marriage as well. It's a shame that we tend to treat those closest to us as I personal dumping ground instead of cherishing the few moments we have together. Oh well... just my two cents.
YES
I am almost discusted by some of these comments. For a guy to dump me simply because i dont like giving him a blow job is insane. What happened to actual chemistry and love. Sorry for the vulgar. But sucking your dick has nothing to do with love. I, personally, have never cared for giving blow jobs. Its something that kinda grosses me out. I still give them to please my boyfriend but still. Dont be shallow asses!
Okay so you should not give oral sex if you don't want to. Its a fucking lie if they tell you no guy will stay without oral. End of story. And did you know if you feel forced to do something sexual,even if you comply but don't want to that runs along the lines of rape? It even messes with you mentally. If your boyfriend or husband does want you to do it. He needs to be very very very patient and thankful for getting it. Not just because its oral but because this is a problem for you. Like anything else in a relationship he needs to help you with problems and be a good supportive partner and not push to much. He can slowly let you play with his penis,put your mouth on,play with your hair be nice say nice things. Be in control if it feels humiliating. You could hand cuff him,and torture him with pleasure! After he ejaculates. There really sensitive. And you can tease him. They be begging you to stop...that's control. I don't give Oral either. But I don't ask for oral myself,my boyfriend just like to do it. I will probably come around eventually but I like you just need time to get used to it. Especially since I was lesbian mostly before. I got a new planet to explore XD
A nurse told me that mens ejaculation is full of toxins and the bodys waste.
Womens discharge is clean,very very clean and has hydrogen peroxide.
So the man is giving you garbage and your giving him mouthwash....yea thats fair...not!
Anyways my boyfriend does not like oral sex,I would have done it by now if he did but he doesn't.He also said he would never let me swallow hims sperm if i did.
So just give it time or don't do it its your choice hun. Oral is like any other sex play. If you don't like bondage,handcuffs,oral,anal,doggie style,or whatever else people do. Don't do it end of story. Compatibility is about sex to.
So, I am not a huge fan of giving bj's myself but with my last bf I got a little more comfortable with doing it and at times actually enjoying doing it. With one exception. He couldn't come in my mouth. He did a few times and every time I wish he hadnt. So I always told him to let me know when he was getting close and then I would try and wait until the last moment to finish him off with my hand. Just wondering how annoying that would be to some of you guys? He always was a little annoyed he couldnt just come in my mouth even though I explained to him my reasons. How wrong is it? Am I wrong for doing it that way, should I just get over it?
Lifes to short to not get what you want. That's the bottom line for me. I am not going to stay with a girl that refuses to do oral sex. There's nothing demeaning or humiliating about it - that's all in your head. For me oral sex feels good and I would happily return the favor to my GF anytime to make her feel good. If you care about something there's simply nothing demeaning about it. We don't get a lot of time in our lives and I am not going to spend it with someone that's not compatible with my sexual desires as I think that would just cause a lot of problems down the road eventually leading toa breakup or causing someone to cheat because they aren't being satisfied in their needs.
Some of you people are so pathetic to think its degrading and humiliating. Sometimes it's not all about you. I do plenty of things I don't particularly want to do to bring pleasure to my GF and would continue to do them for that reason - she likes it. She also does some things she doesn't 100% love to please me and she will continue to do so. Nothing has ever been forced either before someone accuses.
If lady hates to give me a BJ, I would send her home. It had happened this morning and many another days. I dont keep girlfriend who doesnt like to please me. I cant imagine to have relationship without that.