It’s not hard to get out of this situation. Stop responding to his booty calls. It doesn’t sound like your dating, so it’s not like you have to break-up with him. This relationship is strip mining your self-esteem. It’s making you feel ugly, and sex should never make you cry. Unless they’re post-orgasm tears of joy.
Take your toys away, and this part of the situation will be resolved. No, I don’t mean literal toys. I mean your vagina.
‘Tis easier to give advice than take it. Blah, blah, blah. I get that sometimes negative attention is better than no attention. Better to hate a booty call, than hate the lack of one. Now, let’s both take a little breath. And… in with the air. Hold it. HOLD! Now… out. Ready?
No one will ever think you’re beautiful if you don’t think you’re beautiful. I’ve never met you. I don’t know what you look like. You could very well be nasty. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I’ve worked with many models in my career, and the first thing you have to understand about models is that they all think they’re ugly.
Beauty is about feeling beautiful. Don’t feel beautiful? Wing it. Pretend. Keep the act up, and eventually you’ll forget it’s an act. But you can’t expect someone to find you sexually or romantically valuable if you don’t think you’re worth much. And trust me, the fact that you’re self-critical enough to doubt yourself and to ask for help means you’re worth more than most of the glassy-eyed zombie sheep out there.
You’re sweet? Who doesn’t like sweet. A sweet girl is preferable to a mean one. And shy means you’re not totally stuck-up. You workout, so you’re healthy. Don’t get me started on curves. I love women who look like women. Most guys will agree with me.
Okay. The answer to your question is this: you’re going to have many more lovers in your life. Some will suck. Some will be boring. A couple will break your heart. One will be scared to tell you he loves you, but eventually he’ll sack up and do it and the sweet relief on his face will make you forget that first guy you boned who made you cry.