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I'm 18, and my boyfriend is 22 and in college. We are in love. He wants me to move in with him and have his child. Help. What do I do?

Whenever your question is phrased like the topic of a Montel Williams episode, you know you've got problems. And in the spirit of said show, my advice to you is:

Pshh, you kiddin' me gurrl? You need to kick that man to the curb! He a creeper!

I mean, did he really say it like that? Did he say "though I'm twenty-two and in college, I want you to move in with me and have my child." If so, "Help." is absolutely the right response. I don't want to call the man you love batshit insane, but some set of circumstances are causing him to say batshit insane things.

You are eighteen. He's twenty-two. He's in college. Most likely a sophomore I'm an idiot senior in college, but your baby's first precious years of development would still probably occur amid all-night cram sessions, Dew-fueled Halo tournaments, and a haze of pot smoke.

And even if your boyfriend isn't one of "those college students," having a baby right now would likely consign you to never being ANY kind of college student. College isn't for everyone, but neither is cashing in all your chips right out of High School.

I'm not saying it's never the right decision to marry your high school sweetheart (my wife/high school sweetheart would kill me), but I will say that roughly 100% of the time, having a baby right out of high school, raising one in college, and doing so against your better judgement is. The fact that you felt the need to ask about this implies reluctance, and if you're reluctant about bringing another human being into the world, DON'T DO IT. We've got plenty, thank you.

Tell him to slow up, calm down, and let your love go where it's going to go for a while. Trust me, there's far less rush than you imagine.

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46 Comments

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will you have my baby Swaim

Michael Swaim

No Kyle, YOU will have MY baby. That was the deal.

TheMetalHead

This sounds shockingly similar to my friends' situation. In that case, however, she is 18 and he is 20. After a few months of dating they got engaged, and just recently she made him go at it without a condom. Of course, being a horny college student, that deal was too enticing for him to turn down.

These people are not ready for a kid. They are both heavy drinkers and party-goers. I cannot bear to imagine the horrible situation that child would grow up in: Two irresponsible drunk parents with no jobs, no education, and no future.

Please, though it may seem contradictory (kidding, kthx): Listen to Swaim and don't be stupid.

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WTF where did this fool go to college? I'm 21 and a senior. As are many of my friends. Some are 22 but, again, we are SENIORS.
He's probably freaking out about life after college.

Michael Swaim

In my defense, I'm well into my forties now; the college years are getting hazier all the time.

TheMetalHead

Well into your forties, you say? This either means you harvest skin from infants to look so young or you've found the fountain of youth... Or maybe by "getting hazier" you meant you've smoked so much pot you don't even remember how old you are.

Anyway, the fact that the guy is almost out of college makes the whole situation worse in my opinion. Sure, there are plenty of couples with huge age differences that are perfectly happy, but I imagine most of them meet some time after high school. Kinda makes it seem creepy, even though 18 is legal...

Jess

Hahahahaha 'this fool', I seriously cannot stop laughing. (I don't even know why it's so funny.)

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Get back HBN

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I agree with Swain, there's WAY TO MANY young kids out there having children today. & I know you think you're in love but trust me don't rush it!! i'm 19 my fiance is 21 & we're getting married sept 2010,and kids have been brought up but let me tell you although i swear im ready to take the marriage step we've already been through the no kids for a long time conversation. I'm not ready & I know he isn't either. So don't do anything you don't want to. Sometimes you have to think about yourself.

terrachrista

Don't worry about it ...just because he says those things, doesn't mean he actually means them. Get on with your own life, 18 is too young to be involved in a serious commitment like 'moving in' . And when you break up, breaking a lease is costly, and an awful pain in the ass thing to do. So just say that you'll think about it, and take a few years to actually consider it.

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Sounds like he's trying to control you. Some people fear being alone and he may be thinking that if you have a child with him you'll be less likely to leave. Drop him like a hot potato honey! It'll only go downhill from there. He has issues that you don't need to take on.

And I'm 24 and a junior in college. Been in for 5 years. Not everyone goes in at 18 knowing exactly what they want to do. And those that do, I question that. Many change their minds later.

Stella

Trust me, alot of changing, evolving and growing happens in your 20s and what you might want now, will change a year , or 5 years from now. enjoy your adulthood , you have plenty of time to do the baby stuff years from now when you are more ready financially and emotionally. You didn't say if YOU want to move to the next level. If so, I'd say tell him you like the idea and love him but wait a year to see if you both feel the say way. If he loves you, then he will reasonably wait.

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im even more confused because im 18 and ive been with my bf whose 20 for 3 years.... we wanna move in but is it too fast ..? i mean it is THREE years and we get along perfectly and are so much alike and would be financially well of ?

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