I have two seemingly contradictory bits of advice for you.
1/ Keep to your standards.
2/ Change your standards.
"Great help that!" you say, sarcasm dripping.
Hear me out.
You know exactly what you want in a man and should not settle for less. No harm in that at all, and I applaud you. Wish more women were clear eyed about things.
Yet, how much of what you want in a man is a desire to, in some way, have your deceased husband back? You won't find a perfect replacement for him. The closer you get, the more the bits that don't match up will bother you.
Have a good, hard look at your wants. Have a good, hard look at failed dates. Were you judging the guy in each case on his own merits - or on your wishes.
Dating is a bit like riding a bike. You know how, and you can do it, but picking it up again after a few years leads to a lot of instability and wobbling until you get back into practice.
Whatever you do -- don't lose hope! My whole family thought my gorgeous bachelor brother (he's 43 and about 16 years older than me) would never marry and he finally did this past Christmas! Needless to say, we're all thrilled (I finally have hopes of being an aunt to some munchkin some day!) but before I continue to ramble, let me just tell you that he chose a beautiful and totally fabulous lady that's also in her early 40's. Given his dating track record and the fact that he dated so many young lovelies, right before his engagement party, I asked him why she was "the one". I loved what he told me which was basically that he wanted a woman who had her feet firmly on the ground but knew the value of pursuing one's dreams -- that he wanted a true equal partner in everything they'd choose to do as a couple, but more importantly he told me that he wanted a woman who knew her own mind, accepted all her triumphs and flaws and made no apologies for them, and could accept and love him with the same ease and grace that she afforded herself. I still smile when I remember that. So don't fret -- there's a great man out there for you -- I'm sure it's just a matter of time before you find him or he finds you! :)
Stay the course!
it's the same dilemma we all have in the middle age bracket. i am sorry for your loss though you should give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to get back out there. it isn't easy! MM and the commenters have given some really good advice. stick to your standards, and be patient. i like the "change your standards" advice too, and had that been given to me fresh off divorce i would not have understood it, but i do now. don't be too picky. keep to the underlying core values that make you the amazing person that was able to stay in a committed, loving marriage, but don't weed guys out because they aren't like the last one. hang in there, patience IS a virtue. nobody finds "the next One" right away. and i think i need to read this back to myself a few times too to remind myself of this. good luck!!