You're right: his decision has nothing to do with you. And the fact that you're worried about what guys will think of you shows that you have a lot of work to do on yourself. First of all, nobody cares. Do you honestly think you turned him gay? Or that any guy you meet with half a brain would think that? Do you know how human sexuality works? Do you what know year you currently live in?
I'm not trying to be mean here. I just think it is extremely important that you get over yourself. His decision has nothing to do with you. After 15 years of marriage, finding out who he truly is cannot be easy. If anything, you should be supportive and not shocked. I can understand if you don't want to be in touch with him in order to make a clean break and move on with your life. But his life now is none of your business, and being judgmental and worrying about how it makes you look just makes you look close-minded and petty.
Fine, you were shocked initially. Now get over it. Move on with your life, meet a nice guy. You're entering a dating pool that is a lot different than it was fifteen years ago. Open your mind; put your past behind you. Don't talk about your ex at all if it really bothers you so much. Talking about him on dates is a terrible idea anyway. In fact, don't bring him up to anyone until you're in a long-term relationship. Clearly you have too many issues about his lifestyle choice. If a woman I was dating told me her ex was now gay I would say, "Good for him. Where should we go for dinner?" I hope that you eventually get to the same place.
You say you're attractive, educated, and intelligent. Great. Get out there and meet new people, and let your ex live his own life.
I'm not trying to be mean here. I just think it is extremely important that you get over yourself. His decision has nothing to do with you. After 15 years of marriage, finding out who he truly is cannot be easy. If anything, you should be supportive and not shocked. I can understand if you don't want to be in touch with him in order to make a clean break and move on with your life. But his life now is none of your business, and being judgmental and worrying about how it makes you look just makes you look close-minded and petty.
Fine, you were shocked initially. Now get over it. Move on with your life, meet a nice guy. You're entering a dating pool that is a lot different than it was fifteen years ago. Open your mind; put your past behind you. Don't talk about your ex at all if it really bothers you so much. Talking about him on dates is a terrible idea anyway. In fact, don't bring him up to anyone until you're in a long-term relationship. Clearly you have too many issues about his lifestyle choice. If a woman I was dating told me her ex was now gay I would say, "Good for him. Where should we go for dinner?" I hope that you eventually get to the same place.
You say you're attractive, educated, and intelligent. Great. Get out there and meet new people, and let your ex live his own life.
Most guys are going to be right on with CG here. They will probably not care, in fact, if they have any response at it will be most likely a form of pity. A "oh man that sucks" or "too bad you didn't find out sooner so you didn't waste so many years on him" type of reaction.
Don't sweat it. Nobody is going to think badly about you because of him.
Agreed. Though it seems like he came out after they split and it was a surprise to her, so that might not have been a factor in their divorce. Well, not for her at least. I wouldn't just assume she wasted her time, because maybe they had 14 great years together and one bad one. I would just be glad they can both start new phases of their lives.
Another note...I don't think that he is "pursuing a gay lifestyle." He is gay. (Or bisexual.) That makes it sound like he made some sort of choice -- "Hmm, marriage was fun, but I'm in the mood for some GAY today!" The point is, you had nothing to do with who he us now attracted to. You didn't turn him off to women -- don't give yourself so much credit here. He is who he is, regardless of you. I think most guys you meet would certainly be able to recognize this.
I think the reason she asks is because I've had conversation with women where they'd rather have their guy left them becuase he's cheated on them with another women then becuase he was gay. I personally would have neither, but would def. rather have the guy leave me b.c he was gay, atleast I'd know I wasn't completly at fault for this change.
You can't rly say that unless you've been in the situation. My ex told me he was gay after our son was born. As it turns out he knew he was gay 3 yrs before he met me, or so he's claiming to now (& no it was not obvious at the time). It does alot to your self esteem, regardless of looks. but yea, CG is right, most guys don't rly care (i'm usually asked about my exes), but they are kinda sympathetic
I remember it was quite a shock when one of my high school friends turned out to be bi (and living with a man no less), but he's still the same person he always was, and a lovely, if somewhat odd, friend. Okay, he's really odd, but I still love him, whether he's straight as an arrow or gay as a fruitcake. Nothing has really changed; I'm just a little more aware of his sexual proclivities. And our convos got a lot more interesting!
You had nothing to do with your ex's journey out of the closet. In fact, I think potential boyfriends would rather hear that you two broke up because he's gay than you broke up because you were cheating.
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